SECOND CHANCE
by HERMIT532
Summary: Rodney plus O/C character. Sometimes all we need is a second chance. M for romantic scenes and for torture later on. I don't own any SGA character sigh nor am I profiting from the story.
1. Chapter 1

SECOND CHANCE

SECOND CHANCE

CHAPTER 1

Alista wearily walked into the side entrance to the lodge. She was dirty. She smelled. She itched. Around her the little group of vacation survivalists chatted happily even though they were more worn out, dirty and smelly than she was. A week of teaching urbanites how to live not only without air conditioning and Starbucks, but without tents and packaged food had left her wore out.

She rubbed her palm against her hip as she automatically answered the questions they asked her. Questions she heard from almost every group for the past six years. Questions pinning down little bits of information they were afraid they remembered wrong; questions on where to find certain things; questions about more advanced classes. A new question, prompted by her rubbing her hip - how was her hip? She smiled in gratitude at the energetic, tiny man who'd asked. "A deep bruise. It'll be fine. Thank you." Actually, the hip was already fine, but she couldn't admit to that.

Inside the lodge, she stopped the group and raised her hand for silence. When the group was silent, she grinned. "You all did great." She saw doubt on some faces. "No, really, you did. I've been doing this for over six years so don't compare yourselves to me. I have every confidence that if, somehow, you end up lost in the woods without camp gear that you'll be able to survive until rescue shows up. _If it shows up quick. _Now, if you'll drop the gear over there," she indicated some huge laundry bins, "you can go shower and collapse in your beds. Enjoy the rest of the day and all your laundry should be cleaned and ready to go in the morning. If you are interested in another course, Andi, in the lobby, can give you information and sign you up."

She turned and headed down the hall toward her room eagerly looking forward to her own shower and bed. She loved her job, but some of these groups were more challenging than others. Some people just weren't the outdoor type, but being frequent flyers they worried about crashing and so they came out here to try and learn enough to have a fighting chance at survival. Some learned; some, she decided, would just die given that they survived the crash in the first place.

"Hey, Lista," Paul shouted behind her.

With a sigh, she turned around. Her weariness obvious in the slight droop of her shoulders and the slower than usual movements. "Yes, Paul?"

"There are some people here wanting to talk to you." Paul made it sound ominous.

Lista shifted slightly. Her body reacting to the threat of danger. "Who are they?"

"Two men and a woman. Two look official and one of the men just looks nervous. Won't say what about, but they were willing to wait for you to get back."

"Wait? Have they been here long?"

"Showed up yesterday morning. Booked rooms. They're waiting in the small conference room."

"I haven't even showered yet. Whoever they are they can wait a little longer." She turned and headed for her room. Who would be needing to talk to her specifically bad enough to wait a day and a half for her to get back. Surely any of the guides could answer their questions? Ah well, some people were just that particular. Official, though… Corporate types perhaps having heard of her from someone who had been through the program with her. Maybe, but Paul apparently thought it was something odd or he wouldn't have warned her the way he had. He had a bad feeling about them and Paul's intution about people and situations were worth listening to, but what could she do except go see who they were and what they wanted.

She entered her rooms and stripped the filthy clothes off, dropping them into a laundry basket next to the bathroom. Exhaution beat down on her as she turned on the shower and adjusted the water. She stood under the steaming hot shower letting it pound out the kinks in her muscles. A week of teaching folks that barely knew how to set up a camp how to survive with hardly any gear. One woman had almost chopped her leg instead of the tree limb and another hadn't remembered to check the underside of the mushrooms to see if they were poisonous or not and had thrown up for six hours. The tumble down the hillside by the young man had caused an impromptu class on how to spot hand and foot holds or how to create them if nonexistent in order to get back up the hill.

Finally, clean and somewhat re-energized she headed toward the small conference room. Hopefully this wouldn't take long and she could get a decent meal before her stomach ate her spine. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door.

"Okay, what's so important I can't eat and sleep first."

She stopped stunned as they turned to face her. Blue eyes. Wide, nervous blue eyes. _Sky blue eyes twinkling with laughter, midnight blue with desire…__Rodney. _She felt his gaze like a punch in her gut. He wasn't lanky anymore; he had filled out, broad shoulders making him look solid, dependable which she knew was a lie. Eyes filled with regret which she did not believe to be sincere.

She didn't realize she'd spoken his name aloud until he lifted a nervous hand. "Hey."

Hurt slammed into her, blurring her vision. She blinked the room back into focus. The hurt was followed by defensive fury. "Hey," she hissed. "Hey? Fourteen years and you show up with 'hey'?" Her eyes narrowed. Her whole body trembled. "Get out."

She turned to leave. Her hand closed over the door knob. Twisted. The door began to open.

"Alista, stop." He sounded anxious. "Please."

She paused, but didn't turn around. "I'm not interested in anything you have to say Rodney McKay. Just…leave."

She pulled the door further open.

"It's not that simple."

At that she half turned giving a short, bitter bark of laughter. "Sure it is." She snapped as her heart crumbled around old fracture lines. "You just walk out the door and don't come back. You remember how to do that, right?"

He flushed at the inference. "Just listen to us for a second."

"Just listen. Let me explain. Try to understand." She flung the words like acid at him. The memory of standing in their living room, begging him to stay burned within her. She felt tears welling up and angrily turned back toward the door. "Go away!"

"This isn't about you and me." He snapped.

"No," she replied bitterly. Her head bowed slightly under the weight of pain this man brought with him. "We didn't qualify for a discussion, did we?"

He flinched like she had slapped him and looked at his bemused companions. "I told you me coming was a terrible idea."

The woman frowned. "Ms. Steward, I'm Colonel Samantha Carter and if you could give us just a few minutes of your time. We need…" Sam began in a rush as Alista stepped into the doorway.

"Colonel?" Alista swung her gaze to Rodney. "The military?"

"We need your help." The other man interjected.

"You need people trained in wilderness survival? I thought the military did that?"

"No," Carter grinned slightly at her sarcasm. "We need your…_unique_ type of help."

Alista paled. "You told them?" She gasped, staring at Rodney like he had betrayed her a second time. "Get. Out." She left slamming the door shut behind her.

On the other side, she leaned against the door and started shaking. _Rodney. Fourteen years and the sight of him hurt like it had been yesterday. If she didn't know that she couldn't have a heart attack, she would have sworn the pain she felt was one. She thought she had finally started getting over him. Apparently, she had lied to herself very well. And he had told the military about her!_

She heard the other man say, "That went well."


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

"Bite me, Colonel." Rodney snapped furiously. _He remembered the day, the shock, the panicked flight. He had been such an idiot and had been regretting ever since._

Then Colonel Carter said, "Let me go speak to her alone."

Alista started down the hall quickly. Behind her the door opened and shut. "Ms. Steward, please."

She stopped and turned to face the woman.

"Will you at least hear me out? Ten minutes?"

Alista glared at her. She rubbed her hip. She did that when she was truly upset or extremely tired. She wasn't sure where she'd picked up the habit, but she needed to stop doing it. Anger and hurt and fear warred inside. _She wouldn't be afraid; not of anyone. She was in control of her life. They couldn't hurt her. What she was wasn't illegal. Just feared, disliked, distrusted._ "I'm headed to the dining room. You can talk on the way, but you're wasting your time." She replied in a hard voice as she turned and headed down the hall at a brisk walk.

Carter shook her head in dismay and quickly caught up to her. She was used to people not liking McKay, but the hurt this woman had briefly shown stumped her.

"McKay said you wouldn't be happy to see him."

Alista didn't say anything. She just frowned and glanced at Carter.

Carter sighed. _What had McKay done to this woman? _"He was very reluctant to tell us about you, but we are in a very bad situation. A very bad war that the general public doesn't know about."

"Not interested in your private wars."

They reached the dining room and got in line. Alista picked the beef stew and some cornbread. A large brownie oozing with melted chocolate and a large water with lemon found their way onto her tray. Carter snorted softly at the lemon water. Neither said anything until they were seated away from the guests.

"Someone with your abilities could save lives, lives that we're losing at an alarming rate." Carter said quietly so they wouldn't be overhead.

Alista ate silently. _Yes because I would love to be an expendable tool for the government._ She glared at Colonel Carter and took a drink of water.

_This is like talking to Ronon. _Carter thought with a grimace. "Our enemy. They take prisoners, but they don't keep them alive very long. We mount rescue missions when we can, but more often than not we lose as many as we rescue. You could change that."

"Rodney's involved in a war?" Alista leaned back and stared at the woman in disbelief. He was a research scientist not a warrior. He ran. He didn't stay and fight.

"Yes, many times he's been on the front line right in the midst of the fighting." Carter's voice was tinged with regret and worry.

Alista propped her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her hands. She thought of the peace that she had finally found here. How sometimes weeks, months went by before something reminded her of him and her heart burst with the pain. To work with him everyday knowing how he felt about her; she couldn't do it.

"I'm sorry you've wasted your time, Colonel Carter. I can't help you."

She stood up and Carter quickly gained her feet. "We have another group coming in and I have to get ready for the orientation. If you'll excuse me." She bussed her tray and left the room headed for the main lobby where a new group would soon be assembling. She wouldn't be taking this one out, but she would sort them into the two groups.

Carter saw the flash of pain and the glint of tears before the woman's expression had closed off and she wondered what the cause was. She made her way back to McKay and Sheppard and filled them in.

"What did you do to her, McKay?"

"What did I..?" He stared at her. "You just assume it was my fault." He snapped, guilt making his voice sharper than usual.

His friends just looked at him.

"Oh, of course, its always my fault. Anyone who's ever been upset with me has cause."

"No," John said seeing the hurt in his friend's eyes. "People are often upset with out without caue, but this time you look guilty."

Rodney sighed. He was guilty. "It's not relevant."

"Apparently, it is relevant." Sheppard retorted. "Since it's why she isn't going to help us."

"It isn't why. Well, it isn't the only reason why. Where is she?"

"She said she had an orientation to do."

"Main lobby then." Rodney stormed out. People were dying and even if she hated him and he had to promise to stay completely away from her he had to get her to join Stargate and come to Atlantis. He had to convince her to come and help them save lives and defeat the Wraith.

Carter and Sheppard followed him curiously. True they needed this woman and her abilities, but the sideshow of her and McKay was proving to be interesting as well. It surprised everyone when McKay got a woman to go on a lunch date with him. The fact that somewhere, somehow in his past he had managed to get close enough to someone to cause the pain they were seeing in Alista Steward's eyes had them flummoxed.

"She didn't tell you anything?" John asked not expecting an affirmative answer.

He wasn't disappointed. "No. She was surprised that he was fighting a war, but gave nothing of their background away."

SGA

"Can't or won't?" Rodney snarled as he entered the lobby and crossed to her ignoring the way Gavin looked up from setting up the chairs and moved closer as if to protect her. He stopped in front of her with his arms folded across his chest and glared pugnaciously at her.

Alista looked up from what she was doing. She took a deep breath and exhaled. "Can't. I took the shot years ago."

Rodney looked at her appalled. "The shot?" _The shot that took away your abilities? The shot that stripped a basic part of who you were out of your DNA? Why would she do that? Why would she cannabalize her body like that?_

"Yes." She turned her back to him focusing her attention on the supplies she was setting out. Different types of energy bars and powdered drinks that the companies gave them to distribute as promotional material. A laminated list of bare essentials that one needed on a camping trip. Another laminated page with a metal chain that could be attached to a belt loop or a backpack that showed poisonous plants and safe plants. _Why wouldn't he just leave? She was of no use to him any longer._

"You're lying." He stated succinctly. He couldn't believe she would take the shot that would neutralize her abilities, strip away part of what made her who she was.

Alista looked up over her shoulder and met his gaze. Her eyes glittered with tears she refused to let fall. She had loved this man most of her life. Loved him practically from the moment they had met. It hurt to look into his face and not see that love reflected back any longer. "My freaky, mutant abilities cost me the one thing that mattered the most to me. Why would I keep them?"

She averted her gaze. She couldn't stand looking into those blue eyes that had once overflowed with love for her knowing now that she'd see revulsion. The pain in her chest was as sharp and as fresh as the day he had left her. With a sob, she broke and ran from the room.

He was still staring after her, stunned by her admission, when Sheppard and Carter approached him. They hadn't heard what was being said, but they had witnessed the confrontation.

"Rodney?" Sheppard said softly as he came up behind him. "I take it she's not coming?"

Rodney turned toward him shaking his head, eyes glinting with unshed tears. "Let's go."

Knowing it was pointless, he still placed his card on the table for her and walked out.


	3. Chapter 3

SECOND CHANCE

CHAPTER 3

Molly came to her room an hour later and told her they had left. "He seemed to be quite shaken. He, ah, left his card." Molly said quietly and held it out to her.

Alista looked at it like she was trying to hand her a diamondback rattlesnake. Molly pulled it back. "So, he's the one?" She asked gently. She hadn't seen her friend look so _destroyed_ since she had told Molly the story of how she had come to be here working for them. Even though Molly could understand that many people feared the mutated humans she couldn't understand how you could love someone the way Rodney had supposedly loved Alista and react the way he had. She hadn't changed. It wasn't as if she suddenly had abilities. He had lived with her, slept with her for months. Known her for more than a year and she had never done anything to harm him or any one else.

"Yes," Alista said, swallowing hard and trying to compose herself and failing miserably. She swiped the back of her hand across her cheeks and pressed the palms into her eyes trying to relief the pain and stop the tears. She shuddered as more white hot pain lanced through her heart.

"How can it….still hurt…so much?" She sobbed brokenly as Molly wrapped her in a tight embrace. She let herself slump into the safe haven as heart wrenching sobs wracked her body.

Molly, Paul, Gavin - these were her dearest friends, forged over the years on the mountain. They had learned of her abilities quite by accident and had accepted her into their family anyway.

_A cougar had surprised her and Molly early one morning and it was either phase them both or let Molly get savaged by the cat. _

_After Alista had shot the cat and un-phased them, Molly had just stared at her, shaken. "What just happened and how did you do it?" She had whispered, her eyes wide and her face white with shock._

"_I phased us." Alista had said sadly thinking she'd have to move on now that Molly knew what she was. She took a deep breath and uttered the death sentence to her peaceful haven. "I'm a mutant." _

"_Mutant?" Molly asked, slackjawed._

"_Yes." Alista affirmed with a wince._

"_Mutant." Molly muttered._

_Alista had waited, braced, for the fear and disgust, but it hadn't come. She waited to be told to get away, to leave, to not come back. Molly had raised a shaky hand to her hair and stared at the ground for a long moment. "Anything else we should know about because that," she asked after a long moment as she waved her hand vaguely, "was very useful."_

"Useful? _You…you don't want me to leave?" Alista had asked incredulously. Hope flickering to life in her wounded soul._

"_Eight years ago maybe. Maybe even if you'd said when you arrived, but now - no. You've been here three years. I know you are not trying to take over the world or any of that crap." Molly had grinned self-consciously at her. "That phasing stuff, that won't harm me will it?"_

_Alista smiled back cautiously. She blinked away tears. She shook her head. "No."_

"_Paul and Gavin are going to be so upset they missed this!" Molly gave her a megawatt grin. "Come on and tell me what else you can do."_

_As they made their way back to camp Alista told her about her ability to heal herself._

"_Can you heal others?" Molly asked, glancing at her friend as they picked there way carefully over the rugged terrain._

_Alista frowned slightly. "Yes, I've done it once or twice when I could get away before being noticed. It takes a whole lot out of me though. It's the hardest thing for me to do so don't go and get careless."_

_Sure enough, after getting over the surprise and shock, Paul and Gavin had been more upset that they missed it than about her being able to do it. Alista stared at them in as much shock about being accepted as they were about her being a mutant._

"_What's it look like?" Gavin asked._

"_Look like? What's it feel like?" Paul had retorted._

"_I'll answer both questions at once." Alista had said with more bravado than she felt and reached out and grabbed Paul's wrist and phased._

"_Oh, wow, cool! Can you hear me?" Gavin asked excitedly._

"_Yes," Alista responded._

"_You two look like a shimmering blur and you sound like you're underwater." Gavin cautiously poked Paul through the arm. "Can you feel that?"_

_Paul had yelped when Gavin's finger slid through him then he glared. "You couldn't ask first if that was okay to do? Moron! Do you eat unidentified plants as well?"_

_"Did. You. Feel. It?"_

_"No." Paul huffed._

_Alista let go of Paul. "It's effortless for me to do myself, but to do other's takes it out of me. Leaves me tired, especially healing so don't go getting carelessly hurt."_

"_Cautious as ever." They promised her._

_# _

"You lied to him." Gavin said softly after the orientation was over and Paul and Molly had taken their two groups off to get gear for tomorrow morning's departure.

Alista shrugged and picked at her sweatpants. "He wouldn't have given up otherwise."

Gavin gave her a very serious look. "Sounds as though they really needed you, Lista."

"Where was he when I needed him?" Alista asked bleakly and left him.

She sat up most of the night aching and angry; crying and raging; wanting to go to him and beg him to love her again then her emotions would flip and she wanted to run as far away as possible. Funny, the very thing that had ran him off now had him seeking her out in the wilds of West Virginia asking her to help him. She finally curled up around her pillow in the middle of her bed and gave way to an exhausted sleep.

She wished as she had wished many, many times over the years that she could hate him or at least not feel anything at all, but once again her wish wasn't granted and the ragged pieces of her heart throbbed with pain. Each memory a sharp, jagged piece that ripped and stabbed.

For two weeks she rode the emotional rollercoaster. She ghosted around the lodge pale and listless, eyes dark with pain. She snapped and snarled at the least provocation until she was banned from even being in the same room as paying customers. She would spend days weeping in her room until her eyes were swollen and her voice was raspy and her throat burned. She raged at him and fate and ignorant people and stupid emotions and her dumb heart. She packed. She unpacked. She was slowly falling to pieces.

Molly finally stalked into her room one day after Alista had wrecked it in a fit of rage before collapsing to weep on the floor and snapped, "For Pete's sake! You're driving us crazy. How long are you going to make him wait?"

"What?" Alista looked at her, puffy eyes wide with surprise.

"Its obvious you're going to say yes to the man!" Molly huffed, hands on her hip.

"It is not!" Alista yelped.

"Oh, honey, yes it is or you'd already have let it go and moved on." Molly shook her head sadly at her denseness and laid Rodney's card on the table before leaving her alone with her thoughts.

She sat in the window seat and stared at the white card on the table all night until dawn was breaking then she gingerly picked it up.

Dr. Rodney McKay, PhD, PhD

Chief Scientist

She grinned ruefully in spite of her inner turmoil - just like him to list both of his highest degrees - then she frowned at the phone number.

She picked up her cell phone and slowly dialed the number with fingers that shook.

"The person you're trying to reach is out of the network area."

She tossed the card back on the table. Of all the...! He wasn't even in the country apparently. She jerked to her feet and paced around the room. She carded her fingers through her hair over and over again as she silently fussed and fumed. Finally, she was drawn back to the table and that little white card. She stared at the card thoughtfully. That wasn't like the Rodney McKay she remembered. If he wanted her to call, he would give her a number that was guaranteed to go through. She flipped the card over on a hunch.

'If at first you don't succeed…..' "Try a different approach_._" She finished the quote softly. _Had she forgotten anything about the man? She was mortified to think that the answer was no. She remember every little quirk and nuance of Rodney McKay. _He had written in a second phone number.

The second number got her a bored sounding operator. "Base operator. May I help you?"

"Dr. Rodney McKay, please." Alista said quickly before she could change her mind.

"One moment."

She paced from one end of her room to the other, flipping the card over and over in her hand.

"I'm sorry he isn't on the base at the moment."

Huh? She rubbed her fingers over her forehead. "Then he must of left notice of someone to take his calls."

"There is a short list of people to patch through to a secondary. May I have your name please?"

She took a deep breath and said in a rush. "Alista Steward."

"Ms. Steward? Please hold; transferring," said the suddenly not bored sounding operator.

The difference in her voice almost made Alista hang up, but she gripped the phone tightly and whispered, "Not afraid of anyone, not afraid."

"General O'Neil."

_Oh, crap!_ Alista hung up quickly.

She stared at the phone in her hand like it might attack her. Rodney had a freaking general listed to take his call from her if he wasn't available! What was going on? Why did they want her so badly?

She was pacing and chewing her thumbnail and fretting over whether she was safe or if she should pack and run when the phone rang. She jumped and dropped her phone then scrambled to pick it up.

_Not afraid; not afraid. They can't hurt me. _"Hello?"

"Ms. Steward. I didn't mean to scare you."

_Too bad. You did. _She stood frozen at the sound of the general's voice.

"Hello? Ms. Steward?"

"You didn't." She meant it to come out strong and firm, but instead it was almost a squeak.

"Good." He replied obviously not buying her bravado. "Look, I know you were expecting some flunky to be taking McKay's messages and usually that's what would happen, but we really need you to come in and talk to us."

"Will Rodney be there?" Alista asked suddenly very, very afraid. The military made mutants disappear. They locked them up and experimented on them.

"He isn't in the, ah, country right now."

_Of course, they couldn't lock her up. She could phase through anything. _"Then when he is call this number back." Alista said.

"This really can't wait." The general sounded annoyed now instead of like he was calming a skittish animal.

"I know him. I don't know you. I'll," she took a deep breath. _Idiot! Idiot!_ "I'll come talk, but only if he's there." Alista hung up.

The phone rang back. She turned it off and collapsed into a chair. She rested her head in her hands. What had she done? Mutants don't advertise their whereabouts to the U.S. Military! They definitely didn't voluntarily walk into a secure base. She was in so much trouble!

_Thank you, Rodney McKay!_


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Two days later her cell phone rang. It was the number from the front of the card. She stared at it a long moment berating herself for ever dialing his number before she clicked the answer button.

"Alista?"

She swallowed. "Rodney."

"You said…"

"I lied." She said calmly.

There was a long pause. Alista could just see his frown as he worked through the fact that she lied, why, and how to respond.

"Oh."

Just like that. Rodney could babbled on when excited or frightened, but sometimes he was that succinct. 'Oh'. 'Oh, you lied.' 'Oh, you still have your abilities.' 'Oh, I know exactly why you lied.'

She scuffed the floor nervously. Did he have any idea how _much_ she still loved him? She hoped not. She hoped he never did find out.

"Can you be at the airport tonight by 7?"

"That fast?" Alista could feel the fear clawing at her throat and hated it. She was a survivor. She was strong and smart and resourceful. She was afraid of seeing this man who wounded her like no one else ever had or ever would.

"They sent a special flight to get me back here so you'd come in and talk. All my projects are on hold for as long as this takes."

"Oh."

"Yes, Oh. We seriously need your help." He sounded aggravated with her. "There are people's lives hanging in the balance." Worry as well as aggravation.

"Yes. I can be there." She said so softly he almost didn't hear her.

"Tickets will be waiting for you at the counter."

"Okay."

"See you tomorrow." He hung up.

Alista hung up. She was shaking like a leaf. She looked up at her friends who were watching her with very concerned expressions.

"What if they decide to keep you?" Paul finally asked. "What if they won't let you leave?"

Alista gave a shaky laugh. "That I'm not worried about. They can't keep me if I don't want to stay. Just because most of us downplay what we can do doesn't mean we're pushovers. I'm worried about how much damage my heart is going to take if I say yes."

#

Her connecting flight was late. A two hour delay that had her pacing the concourse, second guessing her decision to come. she rubbed her hip like it ached. People kept giving her sympathetic looks. She should leave; buy a ticket to anywhere and run, hide. No, he was expecting her. She'd said she would show up, talk. She didn't say she'd accept. Her nerves were strung tight by the time she landed in Colorado Springs.

A uniformed man holding a sign with her name on it met her at the Colorado Springs airport and led her to a limousine. She raised an eyebrow at it, but got in without question. Her friends at given her the pep talk of all pep talks and all the advice they could think of so this morning she had her emotions firmly in hand and had her confidence out for all the world to see.

She would not be intimidated by the military and she would not let Dr. Rodney McKay see how badly ripped apart her heart was. She was strong. She was badassed. She would not let him inflict more hurt.

She spent the trip to the base muttering phrases like 'You are in control' and 'You have the power' and 'Consider yourself invincible."

Rodney was waiting for her. Nervously waiting. His thumbs rubbed over the side of his clenched fingers as he shifted his weight back and forth. "I was surprised you wanted me here. I thought I'd be the last person you wanted to see." He babbled when she reached him. "After everything," he trailed off with a vague hand wave."

His hands caught her attention. She remembered those hands; remembered how they felt – gentle, sensual. They had been as articulate on her skin as they were when he talked. She shook herself hard. She shrugged her armor back into place. "You are a terrible liar."

"That's why you demanded I be here? Because I'm a terrible liar?" He sounded offended.

She glanced at him and back at the two guards following them. "The military trains stone-faced liars. I wanted someway to judge the truth about what this general was going to tell me."

Rodney sighed inwardly. What else could he expect? She still thought he was the young, frightened, stupid man that had freaked out and left her. Not only did Atlantis need her desperately, but it was the perfect opportunity to try and get a second chance with her. If only he could convince her to say yes.

He led her into a large conference room. Two men were there waiting for them. She paused just inside the door scanning the room, noting the other two doors and visualizing the areas on the other side of the walls just in case.

Rodney placed a hand on the small of her back to urge her forward and felt her flinch from his touch. He winced inwardly and dropped his hand to his side. "Alista, this is General O'Neil and Colonel Sheppard."

Colonel Sheppard , the dark haired man from the lodge. She nodded slightly and moved to the table and sat down. Rodney sat down across from her.

"Ms. Steward, before we get started there is a confidentiality form you need to sign saying you won't repeat any of this to anyone."

Alista focused on the general. "So, you can pry into our private lives, but we can't pry into the military's."

"It's a matter of national security...so no." General O'Neill smiled insincerely and pushed the thick stack of papers toward her.

Alista glanced down at the huge document and blinked. "My friends will worry if I just disappear."

O'Neill waved a hand negligently. "There will be a cover story."

"They deserve the truth."

"Not going to happen."

Alista shifted back in the chair and stared at him. "You need me. I don't need you. You want my help. I tell my friends where I'm going."

"We can't allow that."

"You couldn't actually stop me."

O'Neill's eyes narrowed. "Don't threaten me."

"We're wasting each other's time. I never should have come here." She stood up.

"Ally Kat! Wait!" Rodney jumped up, tired and aggravated at being pulled away from his projects and a little fed up with the posturing already happening around the table.

"Don't you dare!" She hissed at him; her eyes flashed angrily. She pointed a finger at him. "Don't you ever…!" She snapped her mouth shut aware of their audience.

Rodney visibly flinched from her anger.

_Ally Cat?_ John arched an eyebrow and glanced at Rodney's pale, tight face. _What the heck? That sounded like a lover's nickname._

"Alista, General O'Neil, compromise might be needed." Colonel Sheppard drawled putting his twenty questions for McKay on the back burner.

They all looked at him. "How about we agree to let her tell her friends general things. She's working for the military. She's going to helping with search and rescue out of the country. No specifics that could compromise security."

Alista and General O'Neil stared at each other and then nodded. The compromise was written in on the form and she hesitantly signed.

"Good. Hurdle One passed." Sheppard smiled and leaned back. "Elizabeth would have been happy to know her negotiation skills rubbed off on me."

Rodney snorted then turned to Alista. "You might not believe everything we tell you, but we can show you proof of most of what you'll doubt." Rodney pleaded earnestly.

"Okay, I'm listening." Alista settled into her chair, arms crossed.

"First, we aren't alone in the universe. There are other races, intelligent races out there. Some are good; some are bad. Some are downright evil. We've allied with the good and are fighting the bad and evil. We're holding our own - sort of." General O'Neil grimaced slightly.

Alista looked at Rodney. "Aliens?"

"Yes."

"Really? Aliens? Little green men?"

"Gray actually – the good guys. Tall goth looking guys – evil ones. Bad guys look like us."

She studied his tense posture. Stared into his eyes. Upset, but honest. She nodded. "Okay, for now. I take it proof is available."

"If you say yes." Sheppard said dryly.

"Hmmm."

"We travel to different worlds through a device called the StarGate which was created by an ancient race. Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay are part of an expedition to the Pegasus Galaxy."

Alista swiveled to stare at Rodney in disbelief. He nodded tersely.

She raised an eyebrow. "Different worlds through a gate?"

"You walk through walls!" Rodney exclaimed.

"Yes, but I can't walk to Venus." She retorted. "I want impirical evidence."

"Of all the pigheaded…" Rodney jumped up and stalked over to a large curtained window and yanked it open. "Well? Come here." He ordered in exasperation.

"Rodney…" Sheppard called him down not wanting her to become pissed and leave.

"I know how to deal with her, Sheppard." Rodney bit out harshly.

Alista didn't respond to the statement she just moved over to the window keeping distance between her and Rodney. Below them was a huge bay with military personnel lazing around and a ramp up to a huge circular ring.

"The StarGate." Rodney said quietly. "General?"

"What? Oh, yeah, sure." He picked up the phone on the desk and said, "Walter, dial the Gate."

"I don't know anywhere. The Alpha site. Someone will be needing to come back."

Below her the StarGate started moving then it stopped with a muted clang and a light came on. After all seven lights were lit there was a whoosh and the center filled with what looked like silvery-blue water.

Alista stepped back and shimmered a second before clamping down on the protective response. There was a quiet inhalation from behind her at this first exhibition of her ability.

"Walter will be informing the Alpha Site to dial back in and send someone through since the Gate is set up for one way travel."

The Gate shut down only to begin dialing again within a minute. Shortly, a woman appeared out of the 'water'.

"Wait! Where'd she come from?"

"Wormhole." Rodney explained.

A second later the water disappeared and the lights went off.

"Wormhole?" Alista murmured as her head spun in shock trying to grab hold of something that still made sense.

"You do know what a wormhole is right?" Sarcasm dripped from his voice.

"Yes, Dr. McKay I know what a wormhole is. I studied with you many a night, remember? I didn't know we could create them and stroll through them."

He stared at her momentarily distracted by the memory of nights spent studying together. Her quizzing him in physics; him helping her with her music.

She snapped her fingers at him to get his attention. "You go through that?"

He blinked and glared. "All the time."

"To a different galaxy?" She couldn't quite hide the tremor in her voice from him.

He looked amused. "Yes."

She glared at him for laughing at her. "Don't laugh at me."

Rodney struggled to hide his grin; Lista struggled not to respond. His grins had always been contagious. She had always found it hard to stay mad at him. She turned away and strolled back to the table.

"And you personally fight the bad guys?" Alista asked in total disbelief hiding her fear for his safety behind a sneer. She knew a pissed off Rodney would be easier to keep at bay that a nervously apologetic one.

"Yes," Rodney snapped, stung, "I personally fight the bad guys."

"And the evil ones too." Sheppard put in, defending his team mate with a small glare in her direction.

She narrowed her eyes, "Really?" she drawled before returning to her seat, swiveling back to General O'Neil.

"When our people get captured it isn't pretty. Very few ever make it back. We could use your help getting them out of the enemy bases." O'Neill forged ahead before the conversation could disintergrate further.

She turned a disbelieving look on Rodney. "You want me to rescue soldiers from enemy bases on alien worlds?"

"Yes. As well as scientists and other civilians that have been and will be captured." Rodney nodded earnestly.

She stared at him. She could phase…and she could heal. She paled dramatically. "You want me to take bullets for them if necessary."

"What? No! You'll be phased." Rodney yelped.

"I can only phase so many people at a time, Rodney." She said quietly. "I do have limits."

"You could survive it, right?" Sheppard asked bluntly.

"Just because I can survive it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt." Alista snapped, offended.

"So you'd let them die so you wouldn't feel any pain?" Colonel Sheppard asked her harshly.

"John!" Rodney rounded on him.

"What? How many have we taken and we don't heal instantly. How many have you taken personally, McKay? Who's _**died **_to save someone they considered more important?"

Rodney glared at him for several minutes while O'Neil and Alista watched silently then Rodney made some vague motion and Sheppard frowned and made his own abbreviated gesture. Rodney huffed, glared. John sighed, but nodded. Rodney turned back to Alista. "There is a possibility you'd get injured, but we'd never send you in without a support team to try and keep you from being hurt and we would never even consider leaving you behind." He glared at John. "We don't leave people behind."

"You've been shot?" Alista asked. She fought to keep the horror off her face.

"Yes," he glared at Sheppard. "I've been shot, knifed and beaten many times. We have excellent medical facilities though."

Alista averted her gaze to hide her reaction to the very idea of Rodney being injured. "I don't need medical facilities."

"Speaking of that…" General O'Neil cleared his throat. "We only have McKay's word that you can do these things."

"So you want a demonstration."

"If you don't mind."

She stood up and with an arrogance she really didn't feel she phased and walked straight through the table.

"Crap!" Sheppard jumped to his feet as she skimmed through his leg. His chair slammed backwards across the room.

Rodney looked extremely uneasy at the demonstration, but General O'Neil actually looked impressed. "The Tollan have technology that let's them do that."

"You want to see me heal as well?" Alista sighed, resigned.

"Do we really have to..?"

"Yes, Rodney I'm afraid we do."

"Well, a small cut perhaps." Rodney sounded squeamish. "She did say it still hurts."

"Fine," General O'Neil flipped out a knife. "A small cut."

Alista held out her arm and met the general's gaze. She saw his intent in his face and braced herself.

Holding her gaze, her grasped her arm and quickly sliced her forearm. Alista cried out at the sharp pain.

"You call that small!" Rodney yelled, leaping to his feet. He paled at the deep cut. He reached out to put pressure on it.

"It's okay." Alista ground out, stepping away from him as her flesh healed itself in seconds.

"Okay then." General O'Neil clapped his hands together. "Do we have an agreement?"

"Pegasus Galaxy. Evil aliens. Rescue prisoners. Chance of severe injuries."

"Right. You got it."

"And I get?"

"Gratitude from those you save. A very big paycheck. Satisfaction of doing a good deed."

"I'll let you know in a couple of days." Alista headed for the door.

"About that. We'd prefer you stay on base until you decide."

"Which would be why you picked me up." Alista smiled. "You can't make me stay."

"Walking through a table is a lot different than walking through miles of mountain."

Alista shrugged. "Not much." She opened the door to find two guards blocking her way. "This doesn't make me want to say yes, General."

"Consider it a further test."

Alista turned toward him and smiled icily. "How about a bet? I make it off your base and you reimburse me for my meals and my hotel room."

"And if you don't?"

Alista laughed. "Right!" She drawled contemptuously. "If I don't, I'll stay, but would you really want me?"

O'Neill and Sheppard both frowned.

"Deal." O'Neill huffed.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Alista shimmered and walked through the guards ignoring their surprised exclamations. She calmly walked down the hall to the elevator. At the elevator she turned to see the men in the hall staring at her. Shocked disbelief, a little horror that she'd walked through someone, and a bit of...desire on their faces. She tilted forward and peeked on the other side of the doors. The car wasn't there. She un-phased to press the button. She didn't want to step into the shaft without the elevator car being there. Who knew had deep the shaft went and by the time she healed they'd have her in a room and it would be morning and that jerk of a general would have won the bet.

An odd sound warned her in time to phase and a beam when through her. It caught her half phased and she felt sluggish then the doors opened and she stepped in. Quickly, she went solid, punched the button and phased again.

Once the elevator was in motion she pulled out her cell phone. Solid again, she dialed Rodney.

"Hello?"

"He shot at me!" She shouted at him in disbelief.

"A stunner. It would have knocked you out. It wouldn't hurt you." Rodney replied in a concillatory voice.

"Tell him I said he's an ass." She snapped angrily.

"She says you're an ass, General." Rodney said so sharply you could tell he shared the same sentiment.

"Next time she should set better rules." General O'Neil's amused voice carried over the phone.

Alista growled, "Yeah, well he better be ready to pick up a big tab. I'm thinking of someplace fancy for supper."

When the elevator came to a stop she shimmered and walked through the doors and down the hall. People moved out of her way quickly unsure of what was going on. Marines raced toward her firing those stunner weapons which went straight through her without even slowing her down.

She was near the end of the tunnel when she dodged sideways into the mountain itself. This was the tricky part. She had to vibrate fast enough not to get stuck or suffocate (she wasn't sure how she breathed in walls and stuff, but she could) and yet slow enough to be able to climb through the layers. She was showing off. She could have just stayed phased and continued to walk out the main gate and down the road, but she wanted them to wonder where she had disappeared to and how she had gotten out without anyone seeing her.

She hadn't practiced doing this very much. She had wondered one day if she could move vertically through things and discovered she could if the thing she was traversing had a variety of textures. So, now she was using the denser part of the soil and the rocks in it to pull herself up. Going at an angle rather than straight up made it easier. Sort of like climbing a hill rather than a cliff face.

The different vibrating sequences took all her concentration and by the time she emerged on top of the ground, she was sweating and shaking. She sat down on a boulder near a tree and looked down at the activity below her as they searched for her. When the sun began to set, she stood and dusted herself off and began hiking across the mountainside toward town. Six years of survival training and roughing it was finally paying off. It would be late when she got to town, but luckily her ID and credit cards were in her pocket and not in her baggage which was still in that stupid limo.

When she reached the military fence, she phased and passed right through without setting off the alarms. She was slowly walking along the roadside as dusk started deepening into night. She was used to strenuous activity and walking for miles at a time, but add the emotional stress and the climb through the mountain and she was extremely tired.

She figured it was about ten, fifteen miles to town. Maybe, if she cut straight across she could shave a few miles. She was standing there weighing the pros and cons when a car pulled beside her and stopped. She had already turned down several offers of rides since she leery of the general sending plain clothes goons after her.

She turned and sighed - Colonel Sheppard and Rodney. Rodney was already outside the car.

"Get in, Alista and we'll give you a ride to town." He looked frazzled.

"I'll walk." She snarled at him and started to cut cross country.

"Alista!" Rodney rounded the car and stalked after her. "It's fifteen miles to town. Get in the car."

"I'm not in the mood to deal with you! Go away!"

"Again, not about us. Would you stop?" Rodney nearly shouted at her, his voice full of exasperation.

Alista swung toward him glad it was dark so he couldn't see the stark pain in her eyes. "It is about us." She yelled back. "You loved me until you found out I was a freak! Now you can't bear to be near me! How do you expect us to work together?"

"People change; their opinions change." Rodney yelled, frustrated.

"I'm painfully aware that things change." she cried. _You loved me – that changed._

They stared at each other for several moments, breathing hard.

"Why did you hunt me down?" She finally asked quietly.

"People are dying horribly and you could save so many lives." Rodney replied earnestly.

"People you care about?" She asked, voice thick with emotion.

"Yes."

_So, not for her. _She turned and stared into the night. Anger drained out of her. Maybe, maybe if she saved enough people that he cared about he would stop despising her, stop despising what she was. Perhaps that was all she could hope for. In the end it really didn't matter. She loved him. People he cared for were dying. She could save them. Save him from grieving their loss.

With a helpless sound, she turned and headed for the car.

Rodney walked silently beside her. Not sure why she changed her mind, but for once aware that he needed to be quiet.

"The General is racking his brains trying to figure out how you got out of the tunnel without even being seen." Sheppard said when she got in the car pretending he didn't hear them yelling at each other.

"I went through the mountain." Alista replied tiredly, running a hand through her hair and leaning her head back against the seat.

"Through the mountain?" Rodney and Sheppard both gaped at her.

"That's nearly a mile of dirt and rock!"

Alista smiled humorlessly at the roof. "Still want to deal with me?"

"What? More than ever." Sheppard grinned. "Through the mountain. That is so cool! Besides, we know where the expensive restaurants are and O'Neill is picking up the tab. Perfectly cooked steaks." John moaned.

"Decadent chocolate desserts." Rodney added dreamily. He sighed. "She can't go in like that."

"Huh? What's wrong with what she's got on?" John glanced in the mirror at her.

Rodney looked at him like he was an idiot. "She isn't dressed appropriately and she's covered in…mountain." Rodney huffed.

Alista looked down. Oh yeah, she was definitely dirty. "My luggage is in the limo."

Rodney turned and gave her a lopsided grin. "Nope. We stole it. It's in the trunk."

She felt her heart leap and thump hard at that grin. "You were looking for me."

"Of course we were. O'Neil didn't expect you to walk fifteen miles into town. The deal was for you to get out of the mountain not make it make to town."

Alista sighed and leaned her head back again. "No, he expected to lock me up until I agreed to help." She was starving. She hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch due to nerves and she hadn't used her abilities that hard in ages. Right now she would have eaten raw fish and she hated sushi.

"He was not going to lock you up." Rodney corrected her. "The SGC has very nice guest rooms."

"That lock from the outside and have guards posted."

"It's a high security facility!"

"We'll stop at a hotel long enough for you to shower and change and then go eat." John interrupted before another yelling match could break out.

"Sure. Fine." Alista murmured.

Sheppard pulled up to a cheap motel and went in and paid for the room. He came back out and handed her the keys.

"McKay and I will wait out here."

Alista looked around for the first time and realized they were at a pay by the hour motel. She saw the clerk gawking at her with two men and flushed. "How long do I have?"

"I paid for two hours."

"I won't be that long." Alista said as she dragged her overnight bag out of the trunk. She was exhausted. This day had been a long, hard one.

Rodney climbed out of the car and took her bag and the key and silently led the way to the room. Unlocking it, he entered and dropped her bag on the bed and tossed the keys next to it. He paused at the door and stared at her for a moment.

She looked up at him questioningly.

He saw how weary she was and decided to leave well enough alone. "Take your time. We'll be right out here."

He shut the door and Alista sank down onto the bed and fell backwards. _Aliens, wars, travel to different galaxies and Rodney. Could she deal with all that every day? How hard would it be? Would everyone react like he did or like Sheppard or somewhere in between?_

She sighed and went to the bathroom to shower. She leaned against the wall and let the hot water wash her clean until finally her hunger overrode her exhaustion and with another soft sigh went and got dressed. She stared at the changes of clothes. She hadn't intended on eating with anyone. She had tight fitting jeans and a crop top and a clingy azure dress because she hadn't decided where she'd eat.

Well, someplace nice wouldn't admit her in jeans so she slithered into the dress and with a deep, fortifying breath stepped into her strappy sandals, picked up her clutch, closed her luggage, and left the room.

Rodney and John both stared at her as she walked toward them. Belatedly, Rodney rushed forward and took the bag while John took the keys and returned them to the office.

Rodney swallowed and managed to get his eyes up from her long, slender legs past her rounded hips and nipped waist to her swelling breasts and he couldn't seem to get any higher even though he knew he had better before she decked him.

"Hey, Peege," she snapped her fingers. "Up here."

His eyes flew to her face at her use of the old nickname. "Sorry, sorry. I just…I mean you….I…" He sighed. "Just slap me." He shut his eyes.

She stared at him standing there waiting her to slap him for groping her with his eyes. Pain welled up fast and suffocating at the memories of when he was allowed and even encouraged to grope her. Her face started to crumple, but she fiercely forced her emotions under wraps and slid into the car. She leaned back and closed her eyes.

Rodney opened his eyes in time to get slapped upside the head by Sheppard. "What was that for?" He yelped, rubbing his head.

"Because you deserved it and she wouldn't do it." Sheppard replied before sliding into the driver's side. He had seen the desire flit across Rodney's expressive face and the raw pain on Alista's face as she struggled to mask what she felt. He definitely wasn't being told everything about these two.

Rodney hurriedly got in and within a few minutes they were outside a posh restaurant handing the keys over to a valet.

The host told them it would be at least thirty minutes since they had no reservation. Sheppard sighed and gave him his name and they moved into the lounge to wait.

"I'll get us something from the bar." Rodney said taking in her pallor and her fine trembling.

He came back with sodas and a slice of cake. He slid the cake over in front of Alista.

Alista looked at it blankly before pushing it away.

"Do I need to feed it to you?" He asked sharply.

"What?"

"The cake."

She glanced down. "Oh."

Rodney huffed. "Do I need to feed it to you?"

She blinked dazedly. "No, Peege I got it." She said faintly reaching for a fork.

"Care to explain, Peege?" Sheppard asked, emphasizing the nickname.

"Trembling, pale, loss of focus, confusion…"

"Symptoms of hypoglycemia." John gave her a curious look.

"She isn't. Or wasn't. I think it's related to her activities earlier." Rodney said in a hushed voice. "If her reaction is similar in anyway, the thought of eating makes you…extremely queasy even though you know you have to eat."

"You never told us that part." John speared Rodney with an accusing gaze.

"Hmm, didn't I?" Rodney looked innocently confused.

"No, you didn't."

"Well, now you know."

"Yes and we'll file 'Peege' away for later."

"Physics Geek." Alista murmured, taking another bite and being more focused on keeping it down than on what she was saying. "I called him that in college."

Rodney glanced at her, a wounded look full of regret.

_Nicknames? Intense anger and hurt. _John raised an eyebrow, but didn't pursue it after seeing the bleak look on his friend's face. He dig for answers later – in private.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

Alista had known from the moment she gave in and got in the car that she was agreeing to do what Rodney was asking of her. She had known that no matter the cost she would take this one last chance at redemption. She would fight and bled and die over and over again if that is what it took to erase the look of horror and disgust from his eyes because she bear living with the idea that he hated her.

She signed the paperwork the following day with a hand that trembled despite her best efforts to keep it steady then she flew home and explained what she could to her friends and packed. They had not been surprised at her acceptance of the offer. They had been stunned at what she told them. She told them more than she was supposed to. She made sure they understood if they ever let it out they knew that they'd be in serious trouble with top secret government officials.

Now she was standing nervously in the gate room as the chevrons locked into place and the wormhole formed. Rodney and Sheppard stood to her left. Rodney trying to hide his nerves, but his thumb swiped across the side of finger in his signature give away motion. Sheppard stood loose limbed and apparently bored with the whole situation. Guards posted around the perimeter of the room kept giving her sidelong looks and twitching nervously. Yeah, she was real welcomed here.

She flinched, shimmering, as the wormhole rushed out and settled into the Gate. Someone snorted in amusement at her reflexive action. She didn't bother looking around. It didn't matter that she was the moment's entertainment to these marines. The idea of walking through that circle of shimmering whatever scared the crap out of her.

Rodney made an odd movement, reaching out to her and then aborting the motion. He could see she was extremely nervous and wished he could reassure her. He remembered when he had been expected to comfort her; now he was not allowed to touch her. Now, all he could do was turn his glare toward the marine that had snorted in amusement. His eyes narrowed on the man, his sharp eyes darting to the man's name tag then up to his face. The man's face went abruptly neutral. Rodney grinned slightly. Yes, retribution could come from Pegasus if he decided it was needed. He turned to Alista to try and calm her nerves.

"It's just like walking. You don't even notice it. One step you're here; the next you're there." Rodney told her reassuringly. "It's very safe unless the matter stream intersects..."

"Rodney," Sheppard drawled. "Not reassuring."

Rodney flushed. "Oh, well, um, that's a very rare...it's not going to...it'll be fine. We do it every day."

She kept her eyes forward and nodded jerkily. It wasn't just the Gate. It was another planet in another galaxy. It was knowing she was going to be facing aliens, aliens that were cruel and evil. It was knowing she was going to have her heart sliced apart every day by the man standing next to her. It was knowing that once there she couldn't run.

She drew a shuddering breath in and exhaled. Focus; concentrate on what's right before you. Silence the nattering inner voice. Let go of anything that disrupts your focus on the here and now. Allen in teaching her to fight effectively had given her the mental tools to find respite from the heartbreak at least temporarily.

"Anytime." General O'Neil's voice echoed in the chamber. "This isn't cheap and it's sucking power out of our ZPM."

Alista looked over her shoulder at him and saw impatience on his face. Turning, she began walking with Rodney and Sheppard up the ramp and through the Gate. She shuddered as she reappeared on the other side. Perhaps because of her ability to phase she could sense the travel, feel her atoms sliding apart before sliding back together. She decided she differently did not like going through the Stargate.

They appeared in a large, sunny room with colored glass windows. Corridors branched off the room in several different directions. A wide staircase led to a second level where a people sat around consoles and talked quietly. A walkway led from that upper floor to a singular room.

People were milling around intent on their own business and barely glanced over as they walked out of the Gate. Alista was glad of the moment of anoymity sure that it would be her last for awhile.

Rodney looked around and then shouted, "Sam."

Up on the mezzanine, Colonel Carter looked down and grinned. "Rodney." She headed for the stairs. She met them in the middle of the room. She had worried that Rodney wouldn't be able to convince the young woman to come.

"Ms. Steward, welcome to Atlantis."

Alista smiled hesitantly. "Thank you. I think."

Carter grinned. "It is a bit overwhelming at first. It's nearly supper time here so if Rodney will show you to the infirmary, you can drop off your records and then you can get something to eat and settle in and we can meet tomorrow morning, say 1000 hours to discuss details."

"Sure, that sounds fine." Alista sounded more resigned than happy.

"John, I'd like a few minutes to catch you up on what's been happening here." Carter said turning her attention to Sheppard.

"Yes, Ma'am." John graced her with his charming smile. "Catch you later, Rodney."

Alista shifted the duffel on her shoulder and looked over at Rodney briefly. "Lead on."

Rodney looked around the room and snapped his fingers at a young man in a blue shirt. "You. Ask Chuck what Alista's room assignment is and take her things there." He ordered briskly when the man gave him his attention.

The man nodded. "Yes, Sir. Dr. McKay." He came and took the duffel and the other luggage and stacked them by the stairs before running up them to talk to Chuck.

"And radio me with the room." Rodney shouted after him.

The man's head bobbed nervously. "Yes, sir."

Rodney led the way out and down a corridor. Alista followed carrying nothing now but her laptop. Her medical records was on a USB in Rodney's possession as if they thought she could alter the data between one infirmary and the next.

They entered what had to be an elevator of sorts because Rodney touched a white dot on a map and the doors opened and let them out somewhere different.

"Rodney what was that?" Alista pointed over her shoulder.

"Oh, transporter."

Alista stopped and crossed her arms.

Rodney went several feet before he realized she'd stopped. "What?"

She just looked at him. "Yes, that explained so much."

He glared at her. "Do you need an explanation on everything instantly. Infirmary; food; sleep."

"It's one thing." She retorted.

He stalked back past her to the transporter and the doors whisked open. She joined him inside.

"The glowing white dots are the other transporters that this one is linked to. You step in, you touch a location and poof you're there. Can we go now?"

"Yes, thank you." She smirked at him as the doors opened and sauntered out.

Since she couldn't see him, he let himself grin. _Any sign of him trying to get close to her had her pushing him away. As long as he was irritable, she was fine with his presence. It felt right to have her beside him again._

"There you are," Rodney greeted a young woman as he and Alista entered the infirmary.

"Here I am." She smiled at him. "Paper cut or meningitis?"

"Funny." He huffed and grinned slightly.

Alista frowned at the young, blonde woman that Rodney was so at ease around.

He pulled out the USB. "Here's the medical records on our newest resident."

The woman shifted her attention to Alista. "Hi, I'm Jennifer Keller."

"Alista Steward."

"Welcome to Atlantis, Alista. How about we take a quick look at this?"

"Well, we were on our way…" Rodney pointed out the doors.

"A quick look, Dr. McKay." Jennifer said firmly and led the way to her office.

Rodney and Alista both followed her reluctantly.

Once in her office Jennifer connected the USB to her computer and quickly scanned the data. Surprise flickered over her face. Of course she had been warned about Alista and her special abilities, but seeing the information in front of her was still a small shock.

She glanced up to see a very guarded look on Alista's face. "You appear to be exceptionally healthy. There's almost no sign of decay in your cellular structure. These are normal results for you?"

Alista shrugged. "I wouldn't know. I've never went to a doctor. My body heals itself."

"Oh, ah, right. Sorry. It's just I've never seen the medical file of …" Jennifer trailed off with a faint flush.

"A mutant? You can say it. That's what I am."

"No. I don't like the word. Never have. It makes those its attached to seem….less human."

Alista smiled softly. "We're definitely not _**less**_ human."

"Lista." Rodney murmured reprovingly.

"Rodney." Alista murmured back challengingly.

Rodney glared a little before turning away with a small huff. Was it really necessary for her to be _bristling_ all the time?

"Okay," Jennifer said a little uneasily, "so I'll get your records started and then we'll have the base line comparison in case you do need medical attention."

"Are we done?" Rodney fidgeted. He wanted to get Alista somewhere where he could try to have a common conversation with her instead of listening to how different she was and having her be so defensive.

Keller looked at him questioningly.

"He doesn't like being reminded that I'm a mutant." Alista said calmly knowing it would irritate him. She wasn't quite sure why she did this. She wanted him to not hate her, but every time she turned around she was poking at him, upsetting him, angering him.

"That is not true!" Rodney blurted out. "I'm starving. We missed lunch." He stood up. "Come on if you want to eat." He headed out the door and Alista quickly hurried after him wanting to get away from the infirmary.

Several confusing corridors later they were in the mess. They went through the line and then began weaving through the tables looking for a place to sit.

"McKay!" A loud voice rumbled over all the other conversations.

Rodney looked around and saw Ronon, Teyla and John. He grinned. They joined them and he introduced Alista.

"So you can walk through walls?"

"Ronon!" Teyla reprimanded him.

"What?"

"She just got here."

"So?"

"Yes, I can walk through walls," Alista said, "and I can heal from just about any wound."

"Just about. What can't you heal from?" Ronon asked curiously.

Alista looked at him distrustfully. "Like I'd say."

"We do not wish to harm you." Teyla replied slightly offended.

Alista gazed at her. Decades of distrust rearing up inside her. "Today you don't. Tomorrow…" She shrugged.

"Mutants were hunted for years on Earth. She has reasons not to trust people." John said to Teyla and Ronon.

"That is not my only reason to distrust _**people**_." Alista added in a hard tone.

Rodney jerked back from the table with a sharp inhalation and stalked off.

His team stared after him and then looked at her. Animosity and confusion replacing the friendly curiosity on their faces.

"I don't know what's gone on between you two, but he didn't deserve that." Sheppard snapped at her.

"You're right. You don't know." Alista fired back.

"We do not take kindly to Rodney being hurt." Teyla added warningly.

"But no one will mind if the mutant is hurt." Alista retorted bitterly.

Ronon stood and grabbed Rodney's tray and went after him after giving her a hard look.

Sheppard stood up. "McKay's our friend." He growled as he leaned over the table in her space. "We may need you, but that doesn't mean you can treat him any way you want."

Alista met his gaze unflinchingly. "You don't scare me, Colonel. Not much does. So don't waste your time."

Teyla stood up. "It can be very lonely here." She gave Alista a hard look and walked off.

Sheppard gave her one more glare and strode after Teyla. His fury was obvious in every move his body made. People shifted quickly out of his way and sent her startled glances.

She sighed. "I suppose someone else will need to show me to my room."

She really didn't mean to poke at him all the time. It was just that sometimes the heartache was so great that she had to lash out at someone and with him there it was too great a temptation.

She looked around the room and noticed that everyone was sitting at a distance from her. Okay. Either they knew what she was and/or they had heard the fight. It looked like she was going to have to find her own way or sleep in the mess.

She dropped her tray off and wandered out into the same looking corridors of Atlantis. She started walking. Sooner or later she'd find a transporter and Rodney had told her the control room was in the center spire so she'd go there.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

Morning came way too early after a sleepless night spent fluctuating between wanting to rage at Rodney for the pain he'd inflicted, wanting to do anything to wipe away the pain she'd inflicted the over the past few days and not understanding why he felt hurt when he was the one that left. And when had she become the bad guy? He left her. He disappeared for fourteen years. He co-erced her into coming here to save people he cared about. She had been happily living her own life in the mountains. Okay, maybe happily was stretching it a bit, but she didn't hunt him up; she didn't rip scabs off deep wounds.

The moon was setting before sleep even came looking for her. The sky was beginning to lighten before it found her. The time difference hadn't settled into her body yet so it had been awhile before it had thought it was time to sleep and even then her thoughts and emotional rollercoaster had kept sleep elusive. The alarm went off way too soon for her sleep deprived body. She dragged herself upright and sat on the edge of the bed. Head bowed, she tried to get her mind working as her body pleaded for her to just lie back down and sleep another six hours.

Awareness filtered in and with it the memory of a meeting this morning. _Fun, fun, fun_, she thought sarcastically. General O'Neill's little tests got her here, but she had no doubt that she'd be run through a battery of tests today to see just how good her abilities were. She heaved herself to her feet and shufffled to the bathroom. She had barely managed to shower and dress when the door chimed. Opening it, she saw a stranger in uniform standing there.

"I was told to show you the way to the conference room, Ma'am unless you want to grab a quick breakfast." The marine said neutrally. If he had an opinion about her, his face didn't show it.

Of course, she sighed, why should she have expected Rodney to show up for more verbal abuse. She stepped out of the room. "No, thank you. I don't think I want to eat beforehand."

"Yes, Ma'am. This way then."

The corridors were a lot more crowded this morning than they had been last night when a tech had shown her to her quarters. Everyone flowed around them without really even looking which Alista found somewhat calming. So far, she was just another new face to these people. That wouldn't last long.

The marine silently escorted her through the halls to the control room and indicated the conference room. Entering she saw a small gathering of people. Surprised, she stopped just inside the doorway. So much for just another new face. _Let the freak show begin, _Alista thought with a small grimace.

"Alista," Colonel Carter stood up with a cautious smile. "Come in."

Alista's gaze swept the room as she slowly moved forward to take a seat as far from Rodney's team as possible since they were still glaring at her. Rodney himself was conspicously absent.

"You know Colonel Sheppard and I assume you met Dr. Keller, Ronon and Teyla last night." Alista nodded and Carter went on. "This is Major Lorne, Major Nelson, Lt. Baker, Dr. Zelenka and Dr. Simmons. Team leaders and Department Heads."

Alista nodded at everyone and returned her attention to Carter.

"I assume you've been briefed."

"Generally." Alista said with a small shrug. "War with aliens that torture and kill prisoners. I'm here to try and increase the survival rate."

"Survival rate? They aren't just statistics!" Lt Baker snarled at her.

"I didn't say they were." Alista said evenly. "I'm the one that may have to take a lot of bullets getting them to safety though and I haven't seen much angst about that. In fact, I'm here to spare you from taking bullets _since I'll survive it._" Alista retorted coldly. She saw Sheppard flinch slightly and knew her dig had hit home. "I understand that most people don't have much sympathy for whatever befalls mutants." She continued. "What I don't understand is why we're supposed to have it for you regardless of that fact."

Lt. Baker surged to his feet.

"Sit down, Lieutenant." Sheppard barked.

"Anders was not a statistic!" Baker snarled.

"Neither was April or Kevin or Zack or Xander, but you don't care about them!" Alista shouted, blinking back tears as she remembered friends who died in the fear fueled movement against mutants.

"Enough. We've all lost friends." Colonel Carter interrupted sharply. "Please, Lieutenant sit down."

The man glared at Alista for a moment before settling back in his seat. The others were now glaring or frowning at her as well.

Sheppard switched his gaze to Alista. "Not very good at making friends, are you?"

"Once they learn what I am friends seem to evaporate. Makes the effort almost pointless, Colonel." Her voice had went cold and hard along with her eyes.

"Then why are you here?" Major Lorne asked, confused.

"A big paycheck." Alista spat. No way would she give them the real reason. That she was here to endure who knew how much pain just to try and erase the disgust from Rodney's eyes when he looked at her.

Surprise rippled along the table.

"You are doing this, being shot perhaps killed, for money?" Dr. Zelenka asked perplexed.

"I doubt killed. I'm remarkably hard to kill." Alista said somewhat amused by the idea.

"I thought you and Rodney…" Teyla began.

"Rodney and I are not open to discussion." Alista said with finality.

His team traded glances. Rodney had been remarkably closed mouth about the subject himself last night when they had found him on his favorite balcony looking bleaker than they had ever seen him except when Carson had died. Teyla and John had found him picking at his food while Ronon leaned against the railing, anger radiating off him.

"Leave her alone; I deserve it," was all that he would say on the matter.

This morning he had urgent business in the lab and refused to come to the briefing. He had sent Radek in his place with a brusque admonision to not let them hurt her. At Radek's confused query, Rodney had admitted that Ronon was furious with her and Sheppard and Teyla weren't happy with her either.

"Okay." Carter sighed. "Once we see exactly what you can do we can start planning some rescues."

"You have people captured now?"

"A few. Some of them we are certain are still alive and in fair condition, but we can't reach them. Others," she looked down at the table. "The three the Wraith got are most likely dead."

"I'm assuming you will want to evaluate my abilities a lot more thoroughly than General O'Neil did." Alista was resigned to a morning spent phasing and healing.

"Ah, yes." Carter looked uncomfortable.

Alista wondered what exactly was planned to cause the discomfort. "Well, then let's get started. I haven't had breakfast yet." Alista said and standing, walked through the conference room wall.

Everyone except John stared at her when they came out of the room.

"How thick a wall can you walk through?" Dr. Simmons asked hesitantly.

"She walked through the side of the mountain at Cheyenne." Sheppard informed them causing them all to gape. He was both impressed at what she could do and pissed about how horribly she was treating McKay. He was also curious as a cat about the history between those two. It might take more than a couple of beers to get this story out of McKay though.

"Yes, but it was, I admit, exhausting. Moving up through something requires vibrating at a variety of resonances so you don't slide down."

"Still. Impressive." Carter replied.

#

They had set up one of the larger training rooms with a variety of materials: concrete, metal, wood, etc and had her walk through them all with Dr. Keller taking comparative scans after every one of them. None of them were harder to walk through than the others. The thick metal required a different resonance, but the shift was instinctive at the first hint of resistance in the material.

"How much effort does it take to do this?" Keller asked.

"Alone its fairly effortless I could do it all day long, but with someone it begins to wear me out."

"You can…phase someone else?" Major Nelson asked.

"How else do you think I'm going to get your people out of locked cells? Volunteering to be the guinea pig, Major?" Alista tossed out the challenge. If these people wanted a mutant on base to save their normal butts, they were going to realize she wasn't a demure order taker.

He hesitated glancing between her and the free standing walls.

"I promise I won't let go." Alista murmured.

He gave her a narrowed eyed glare then nodded slowly. "What do I do?" He asked as he moved up beside her.

She grasped his wrist. "Walk and really, don't let go."

She tugged him forward and through the wood section. Dr. Keller immediately ran a scan on him. "He's fine."

"That was weird. You could see the grain of the wood."

"Did it hurt? Could you feel anything?" Dr. Simmons and Dr. Zelenka both started talking at the same time.

"Nope, didn't feel a thing. It was a little like walking through water." Major Nelson said, relief evident in his voice.

"And that is what you should all tell your people so they don't balk if or when I have to go in after them." Alista then had to take the others through the different materials so they could assure their people that it was safe just in case she had to rescue them one day.

Alista pulled a granola bar out of her pocket. "I suppose next is the fighting and healing portion." She said as she ate the bar. She really, really wanted waffles and hot syrup. She stoically ate the granola.

"You can fight?" Ronon asked doubtfully, eyeing her diminutive figure. Eagerness for the opportunity to hit her seemed to practically vibrate from him.

Alista sized him up. "I can fight and no, I'm not afraid of you, big guy."

"Should be." Ronon grinned ferociously. Here was the chance to make her pay for the pain in McKay's eyes last night.

"Yeah, well, like I told the Colonel last night - not much frightens me. I'm pretty well invincible."

Radek turned away and clicked his radio. "Rodney, you should get down here." He hissed quietly. "I think your friend just challenged Ronon to fight and test her healing ability."

"Is she crazy? He's furious with her! He'll kill her! I'll be right there. Don't let him kill her!" Rodney sounded really panicked.

"I'm sure we don't need you to fight Ronon." Carter said not knowing why Ronon and Alista were posturing at each other, but not wanting their newest resident in the infirmary on her first full day. She had planned on Ronon testing her ability to heal, but he seemed a little to eager to hurt her this morning. She wondered what had happened in the few hours before bedtime last night to make Ronon so furious at the young woman.

Alista shrugged. "You want to know if I can survive if an enemy gets their hands on me. He's the one person here that won't hold back on me. He'll attack me just like an enemy would"

"She's right." Ronon agreed.

"I hope you can take what you dish out, Big Guy." Alista prodded him all the while knowing it was a bad idea to prod this man.

"You think you can hurt me?" Ronon grinned in anticipation of getting retribution for Rodney as he limbered up his arms and legs.

Alista's eyes went cold at the disdain in his voice. "I could kill you in less than a minute…if I wanted to."

"Wait. What do you mean?" Sheppard stepped forward, concerned. This was the kind of crap that made people afraid of mutants. The implication that they could wreck a lot of havoc, kill a lot of people - if they wanted to.

"I phase – you can't touch me. I put something in his heart or head and let go. It becomes solid." Alista explained in a voice devoid of emotion.

"But you won't?"

"No, I'm not a killer. Most mutants aren't. It's normals who are serial killers, etc."

"Right," Sheppard drawled. "Mutants are misunderstood angels."

"Misunderstood - yes; angels - no. Normals hunted us like animals because they were afraid that we'd take over; try and rule them." She laughed bitterly. "If that is what we wanted, Colonel Sheppard, none of you could have stopped us. Normals projected what they would do if they had the opportunity to and never stopped to wonder why we never even tried."

"Enough talking." Ronon growled thinking of how bleak and stricken Rodney had been when Ronon had found him last night. Uncharacteristically taking the blame for the situation and not even trying to deflect it onto someone else. He hadn't looked that…heartbroken and defeated when Carson died.

"I've rigged scanners for Dr. Keller so she can study how Alista is injured and how her body heals." Dr. Zelenka said to give Rodney time to get here.

The room had been cleared of the obstacles while they had been talking and without warning Ronon leaped at her. Instinctively, she phased and he went harmlessly through her.

Alista laughed just to make him madder and punched him in the side - a quick, hard jab.

Ronon grunted and swung. His fist landed on her cheek and the skin split. Blood trickled down her cheek.

"Stop them!" Rodney's panicked voice was loud as he skidded into the room.

"We need to assess her abilities." Carter told him.

"Ronon's furious!" Rodney was frantic. "You can't let them fight."

Alista swung around and backhanded Ronon. Her cheek once again smooth and uninjured.

"You shouldn't be here, Rodney." Sheppard said as the fight continued and Rodney winced at every blow she took.

"If I leave now, she'll think it was because of her abilities not because I can't stand to see her hurt."

The fight waged on. Blow after blow. Once Ronon lifted her and flung her into the wall. Her head hit the wall with a loud crack. She slid to the floor in a boneless heap, ominously still.

"Ally!" Rodney started forward, but Sheppard grabbed him. Rodney struggled. "Let me go!" He shoved at Sheppard. "Ally!"

Ronon walked toward her thinking the fight over then she shook her head dazedly and slowly got to her feet causing sounds of surprise to ripple around the room. Ronon had taken several hard blows himself and was bleeding from a split lip and his side was aching where a roundhouse kick had most likely cracked a rib. he had to admit the woman could fight.

"More?" He asked in a menacing growl.

"Bring it." Alista spat.

They went at each other again with fists then knives appeared. Ronon angry for Rodney; Alista pouring out all the bottled up anger, hurt and bitterness in each blow. Bruises, cuts, fractures she turned her healing ability loose and let go of all she'd held on to for so long. They wanted to see what she was capable of? She'd show them. For the first time in her life she hid none of her ability from normals.

Everyone watching amazed at how well she was holding her own. It wasn't Ronon beating the crap out of her and her healing; it was a well matched fight, but she was healing where Ronon wasn't. That didn't mean she wasn't wearing out. Everyone could see she was tiring out. Her energy going not only to the fight, but also into healing her body. Of course, there was the awareness that if this had been a real fight then she'd have already killed him.

She kicked his knee and he went down onto one knee. Pulling not his gun, but a military gun he shot her. He meant to shoot her under the ribcage, a flesh wound, but just as he pulled the gun and fired she collapsed to her knees.

She felt the bullet piece skin and heart. She never felt the floor when she hit it.

Ally" Rodney screamed and raced to her side. "What did you do?" He yelled at Ronon as he gently rolled her over on her back. "Lista? Ally Kat? Oh no, nonononono."

Dr. Keller was there in an instant ripping open her shirt and staring horrified at the bullet hole in her chest.

"I was aiming for her side, under her ribs. She collapsed as I shot." Ronon said, appalled at what had happened. "McKay…"

"Don't!" He said harshly as he gently cradled her in his lap. "Ally, Ally please breathe." He cried stroking her face.

"It was my orders." Carter said quietly. "To see how she reacted to being shot."

"I'm sorry." Ronon murmured.

McKay shook his head, silent tears falling. He couldn't lose her like this not when he hadn't had a chance to win her back yet. He couldn't. She said she couldn't die easily. She had to live. She had to!

Alista gasped in pain as her body repaired her heart and it restarted. She could feel the path of the healing. The pain disappearing as healthy tissue replaced ravaged.

"Ally! Ally Kat?"

She blinked her eyes open and saw Rodney inches from her, eyes grief-stricken and wet.

"Peege?"

He pulled her close. "You were dead." He murmured, shaken. "You were dead."

"Told them." She whispered still in pain. "Hard to kill."

"We need to get her to the infirmary." Dr. Keller said gently to Rodney.

Rodney looked up and saw a gurney had arrived. He let them take her and put her on the gurney then he grasped her hand and left the room with her.

"I'm fine," Alista said as they wheeled her to the transporter.

"I'm sure you are, but I want a scan to confirm it." Keller said gently, but firmly.

Alista thought about phasing off the gurney, but one look at Rodney's shaken face and she sighed silently and let them take her to the infirmary.

"I could do this myself." She complained as the techs lifted her gently onto the scanner bed.

"Would you let them do their job? You're worse than Ro..Sheppard." Rodney fussed, channeling his panic and grief into annoyance.

She saw deep emotion in his eyes and let herself believe momentarily that it was love and concern not guilt over getting her killed before she'd been here one whole day.

She lay still as the scanner moved down her body and back up.

"Everything looks healthy." Keller said. Wonder filled her voice.

_Except my broken heart. _Alista thought and a flash of pain went through her.

"If you're in pain, you need to let me know." Keller said reading the spikes on the monitor.

"I'm fine."

"Well, this says you're in pain."

"Must be hunger pains." Alista said sitting up.

Keller frowned. "I don't think so. I want you to stay for a few hours and rest."

"I've not even had breakfast!"

"I'll go get a tray." Rodney said quietly and hurried off before he could do something stupid like embrace her and kiss her senseless in relief.

Alista watched him hurry away from her and felt another stab as her eyes filled with tears.

Keller gave her a puzzled look as the monitor spiked again and then looked at Rodney's departing back and then back at her. _Oh! _She had no idea that the scanner could register emotional pain or was the pain so strong that it was registering as physcial.

"If you want to talk…. Doctor/patient confidentiality and all that." She smiled encouragingly.

Alista stifled a sob and looked at her and saw understanding dawning in her eyes. "No. Please don't take offence, but I don't know you."

"No. No offense taken. Let's get you settled then. If you change your mind, you know where to find me."

Keller got her into scrubs and settled into bed. Left alone Alista slumped listlessly against the pillow. She hoped Rodney hurried with her food she really was starving; she really hoped he got someone else to bring it.

Rodney rushed to the mess to get her something to eat. How could she have been stupid enough to fight Ronon? The man was nearly indestructible! _So is she. _A voice whispered in his head. _Really?_ He thought back at it. The sight of her laying lifeless on the floor reappearing in his mind's eye. _Really._ The image of her jerking back to life played out in his mind. She'd been shot straight through the heart!

He threw a little of everything on the tray and left quickly. By the time he got back to the infirmary Keller had gotten her settled and he went down the rows looking for her. He stopped when he found her. She was dozing. She looked fragile and forlorn with all the defiance and brash attitude gone. He wanted to hold her, comfort her. He wanted to tell her she didn't have to be alone any longer.

He placed the tray on the table and wondered what she needed more food or sleep. Deciding on food, he gently nudged her. When their eyes met he saw bleakness and deep grief briefly before she blinked and shuttered her expression. The sight cut through his soul because he knew he had put the hurt there and he wasn't sure she would ever let him take it away.

"Ally…"

"Smells good," She said, sitting up and drawing the table toward her.

"I wasn't sure what you wanted so I brought a little of everything." Rodney said hesitantly.

_I want you._Alista thought inanely and then got mad at herself for being maudlin. _I don't want you to pretend that you're okay with what I am just so I'll do this. _Savagely, she stabbed the meat and began eating. "That's twice people I'm agreeing to help have shot at me." She snapped turning her anger outward. "Testing had better be over."

"I…yes…yes its over." Rodney said with finality.

Alista glanced up at him quizzically. "You can decide that?"

"He shot you! You died!" Rodney exclaimed.

"Isn't that why I'm here? To take the bullets so others don't have to?" Alista asked resignedly.

"No!" Rodney yelled. "That's not…" He stopped and breathed rapidly. "The idea is for you to get in and get them out without anyone being shot including you." He said in a quieter voice.

Alista ate in silence for several minutes. "I think we both know that things don't go as planned." She finally said in a weary voice.

Rodney stared at her. The temporary truce was apparently over and hostility was back. "I'll leave you alone." He said getting up and walking out.

It was two hours later before Dr. Keller finally agreed to let her go. Alista admitted she had no idea where her room was and Keller grinned sympathetically as she called someone down to escort her.

Word of the testing had apparently gotten out because she was no longer a face in the crowd. She fought to keep her face pleasantly neutral as everyone who passed them in the corridors gave her weird looks and edged away from her. The corporal looked relieved when he finally delivered her to her door.

Alista dropped back on her bed with a sigh. She'd known it would be this way. Knew people would shun her. Knew it would hurt to be around Rodney. So why was she letting it get to her? Why the surprised hurt when that first person in the corridor had shown fear and gave her wide berth?

Later that night Alista was curled up in a chair reading when the door chimed and swooshed open. She jumped up and stared at Ronon who stood in the doorway.

"I wanted to apologize." He rumbled.

"No need." Alista said neutrally.

"Yeah, there is. I wasn't trying to kill you. I was to shoot you through your side. Missed."

"Because I fell."

He shrugged. "Still. Sorry."

"And if you had meant to kill me?"

"Then I wouldn't apologize."

She snorted, amused in spite of her determination to be angry. "Fine. Apology accepted."

Ronon stared silently for a moment almost as if he wanted to say something else then he turned and left.

Alista rubbed her face tiredly and went to bed wondering what she had set herself up for. Could she change her mind? Would they let her leave? Probably not, she thought.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

They landed the cloaked puddle jumper as close to the sprawling residence as possible. Palm trees dotted the landscape. Not half a mile away the greenery became desert. High stucco walls with large archways barred by ornate grillwork kept out the uninvited. The tinkling of many fountains blended with the sounds of songbirds.

_A beautiful prison._ Alista thought staring out of the windshield at the beautiful tropical flowers that could be seen through the gates.

Unaware of the undercurrents in the society they had sent two females in with the original team. They women had been taken and added to the ruler's harem which was in the middle of the heavily fortified building. They had been there for a week while Lorne had tried to negotiate their return. The ruler had finally told them yesterday to leave and not come back; the women were his now. The place was fortified heavily enough that they would definitely take casualties getting the women out and they weren't positive that the women wouldn't be killed before they could reach them. With her abilities, the threat was low enough to satisfy everyone on this being Alista's first rescue.

Rodney pulled up the schematics. "We're here." He pointed to a cluster of blinking dots. "They are here." He indicated two blinking dots in the middle of the schematics. "You know what to do?"

It was her first rescue and she was both scared and excited. She wouldn't admit to being scared; not to this bunch. After several days, some people were beginning to warm up to her a little as in they wouldn't stare rudely at her, but Rodney's team still treated her frostily. In fact, they hadn't wanted to come on this mission, but Rodney had insisted that they be the ones to cover her on her first rescue.

She could surely phase two people for that short a distance. "Looks easy. Back in a flash." Alista phased and dashed out of the jumper. The trouble, she thought, would be convincing the women to come with her. They had been captured before she arrived. They had no idea that rescue was coming in the form of a mutant.

Alista wanted to get to the women before the ruler's men figured out a rescue was in progress. She didn't even hesitate as she ran from one room to the next. She made a beeline through walls, furniture and once, when she couldn't dodge fast enough, a person who shrieked and fainted. Her passing impression was one of opulence. They rooms didn't appear gaudy which is what she had expected actually. A wealthy man, full of himself, arrogant and perhaps cruel who bludgeoned people over the head with his wealth in unfashionable ways, but the rooms appeared to be tasteful.

Passing into the harem's inner sanctum, Alista began looking for the two women. Women in thin gauzy outfits lazed around all over the large room. Some were reclining on chaise lounges, and throw pillows; some were in a large pool. _It's Arabian Nights, _she thought as she took in the exotic surroundings and had to stifle the urge to giggle.

Not seeing them, Alista sighed and quit phasing. "Hello. I'm looking for Alison and Jillian. They're our people being held here against their will and we don't take kindly to that so if you'll just hand them over we'll be going."

Several young women shrieked and fainted while others jumped to their feet, startled. Others rushed to yell for the guards.

"How did you get in here?" "Who are you?" "You will not survive this audacious intrusion!"

Someone grabbed her arm and she phased out of their grip. She heard them gasp.

"Yeah, whatever. He's lucky we are only getting our people out and not retaliating. Alison! Jillian!"

There was a commotion in the far corner. Alista phased and walked that way. She saw Alison and Jillian struggling with several women. Alista shook her head and waded in. As she brushed against them the women jumped back, frightened. She reached the two and became solid long enough to grasp their arms then she phased again. "Move." She said in that watery phased voice.

"Who are you?" One of the women squeaked in fear and tugged at her arm.

"Alista. New to Atlantis. Quit struggling before you go solid in the wall."

"A mutant." The other woman gasped.

"Yeah." Alista took advantage of her shock and pulled them through the wall into an empty room. "You want to stay here or escape? Sheppard's team is outside the walls in a jumper."

"Go." The first woman said.

The second woman looked at her and shuddered, but nodded and quit struggling.

Everyone scattered as they approached and they were soon two rooms away. That's when the uproar started. Men rushed in and began shooting. Jillian flinched as the bullets passed through her and then they were in the next room.

They ran the gauntlet without harm since everything passed through them. Bullets sprayed the walls in front of them sending plaster and wood chips flying and making the two women flinch instinctively. Alista tightened her hold on them not wanting them to escape her grasp and become solid while bullets were flying.

They reached the jumper and rushed in becoming solid as soon as they cleared the walls. The second woman jerked away from her with a strangled sound. They slumped on the seats as Sheppard took off.

Teyla and Rodney shrugged out of their jackets and placed them around the scantily clad women covering the livid bruises that dotted their bodies. They traded knowing looks when Jillian flinched from Rodney's inadvertant touch.

"Thanks," Jillian mumbled, flushing as she gripped the jacket tight around her. Alison just huddled under the jacket refusing to look at anyone.

"You're welcome." Teyla said gently.

Seeing Alista sitting on the far end of the other seat, eyes closed, head back and pale, Rodney nudged Teyla.

"Give her something to eat." He whispered.

Teyla looked over at her all evidence of warmth disappearing from her face and moved to the front of the jumper.

Rodney looked at his team mates. He knew they were giving her the cold shoulder because of the way she was treating him, but it still angered him. Knowing she wouldn't take it from him Rodney pulled out a candy bar and laid it near her hand anyway then he went forward and shut the compartment door.

"You all need to stop giving Alista a hard time." He snapped angrily. "Believe me, I deserve the treatment she's giving me."

They all set their jaws and remained silent. They didn't know what was going on between Rodney and Alista and Rodney was stubbornly remaining silent on the subject. All they knew was that Alista kept him at a distance and was free with her verbal cuts and open hostility and that Rodney took it all in un-Rodney like silence.

"Why?" Teyla finally asked. "Why do you think you deserve to be treated in such a...a...despicable manner?"

Rodney looked very conflicted then he slumped. "Because I asked her to marry me and then walked out on her not an hour later when I learned she was a mutant."

"You what?" Sheppard turned toward him not sure what he had been expecting, but it wasn't that. "Rodney!"

Ronon and Teyla looked stunned. _Rodney had been engaged? _

"We met in college. We dated for two years; lived together for 6 months. I asked her to marry me. She said yes, but first she wanted me to know about her abilities. She didn't want secrets in our marriage."

He looked at the floor, ashamed of his actions. "It was when things were getting bad between mutants and…and, ah, normals. Back when there was a real possibility of war. I freaked out."

"You?" Ronon queried sarcastically.

"Yes, I know; hard to believe." Rodney snapped. "I told her to stay away from me and left. When we tracked her down it was the first time I'd seen her since then."

Sheppard whistled even as his heart broke a little for his friend. "No wonder she was pissed at seeing you."

Rodney grimaced.

"You are right." Teyla said shortly. "You do deserve her treatment." Her face softened. "We still do not like it."

"Thing is," Rodney admitted bleakly, "I still love her. I was hoping I could set things right this time around."

"So you're trying for a second chance?" Ronon asked insightfully.

"Yeah."

"Not going so well."

"No, its not." Rodney admitted bleakly.

When they got to Atlantis and docked in the jumper bay Alista was out of the jumper before the compartment door opened. From slit eyes she had seen Rodney give her the candy bar. Saw how he was careful not to touch her. She left it on the seat. She didn't want his pity. He still didn't want to touch her. She was already wishing he'd just stay away from her.

"Alista!" Sheppard hollered at her from the ramp.

"I know! Infirmary." She disappeared into the transporter.

Rodney sighed and Ronon clapped him on the shoulder in sympathy. "We'll be nicer maybe that'll help."

"I doubt it, but thanks."

They escorted Alison and Jillian down to the infirmary.

"I can't believe they let a mutant on Atlantis." Jillian murmured with a disgusted shudder.

Sheppard's eyes narrowed. "That mutant just saved your life. I think you could be a little more respectful."

Jillian flushed under the icy rebuke. "You _like_ mutants?"

"I don't have anything against them." John snapped. "And I won't tolerate her being mistreated. Understood?"

"Yes, sir." Jillian huffed.

The two women were quickly taken off their hands when they reached the infirmary. Four nurses came over and attached themselves to the team for the post op exam. As they were examined they heard low female voices behind a closed curtain down the aisle. Rodney recognized Keller's voice and figured that it was Alista with Keller. Rodney took comfort in the fact that she was at least finding a few friends on Atlantis.

#

Keller looked up as the infirmary doors opened and saw the pale, shaking woman practically stumble in. One glance at the misery shining in her eyes had Keller whisking Alista into seclusion. Alista mutely climbed onto the exam table and sat trembling as silent tears tracked down her face.

"Alista?" Keller asked concerned. She reached out to gently touch Alista's arm. "Talk to me."

Alista set her jaw and looked down shaking her head. She brushed the tears away fiercely and clamped down on her emotions.

Keller sighed. "Okay. So, how did the first rescue go?" She asked as she began the post-op knowing that Alista wouldn't open up until she was ready no matter what she said.

"Fine." Alista uttered wearily. She hoped that future missions would involve a different team. It was so hard to keep up the nonchalant façade around Rodney especially in the jumper where he would brush against her and leave his scent on her clothes. Her whole body was tense and shaky in reaction to him.

Keller huffed while going through the post op exam. "You're barely standing. That doesn't sound fine."

"I've never really phased two people at one time especially while running through a building full of men shooting at us."

"And that's it."

"I just need to eat and rest." At the sound of the rest of the team entering the infirmary, Alista tensed. She needed a hot shower and a change of clothes so she didn't smell him with every breath. She could remember spending all day on the weekend walking around the apartment in nothing but his t-shirt and her heart ached with it.

"He really hurt you, didn't he?" Keller asked gently.

The look she gave Keller was unguarded and full of raw pain. Her eyes swam with tears she adamantly refused to shed. She swallowed hard and looked away from the young doctor.

Keller inhaled sharply. That definitely looked like heartbreak. "Maybe I shouldn't give him the good drugs next time."

Alista gave her a sharp look then seemed to deflate as she realized that Keller knew without her saying a word. "Don't say anything. Please. This is hard enough without him knowing how much it still hurts."

Keller frowned. "Of course not. I'll just swear he's being a baby and that he doesn't need stronger medication. Although maybe a few details…"

Alista gave her a tiny grin at her wheedling. She rubbed her eyes with shaking hands. This woman was the only person on the city extending a hand in friendship. "You'll keep it to yourself?"

Keller nodded quickly.

"We were together for over two years in college. He…he asked me to marry him; had a ring and everything. It was the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen." Alista drew in a ragged breath as fresh pain washed over her. He had looked so in love, so nervous and hopeful. His eyes shining with emotions.

"Down on one knee?" Keller asked in hushed tones.

"Yes and shaking with nerves. I said yes, but wanted him to know about my abilities. I didn't want secrets between us. When I told him he lost it, told me never to come near him again and left. I never saw or heard from him again until he showed up recruiting me for this."

"Wow." Keller stared at the tube of blood in her hands. "College, that had to be…"

"Fourteen years ago."

"And it still hurts this much?"

"Yeah. Hopeless, huh?"

Keller just stared at her sympathetically. "Yeah, I'm afraid so."


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

Radek had noticed that the new woman, Alista, was not being befriended and in fact the majority of the people were actively avoiding her. She sat alone in the mess hall to eat. People avoided her in the corridors. She was not invited to movie night or women's poker night. Of course, she did not make it easy, but knowing how mutants were treated on Earth he understood why she had the defensive attitude in general. Mutants usually remained below the public radar in order to have some type of normal life and here she was known to one and all. Those that did not like mutants did not hesitate to make their disgust known. It had to make her uneasy.

He also noticed that after a mission where Rodney was involved she was utterly depressed and even more distant. Not to mention how very hard Rodney was to deal with. It was very odd considering the fact that Rodney had been the one to mention her and to convince her to come to Atlantis in the first place. Why did Rodney invite her if he disliked being around her so much? Why did she come if she did not like Rodney?

So when he turned the corner and saw them shouting at each other he ducked back around the corner then peeked around. He was not ashamed of eavesdropping. In a place like Atlantis one must know what was going on. Besides, he was a scientist and they were a mystery and mysteries were to be solved not shrugged off and ignored.

"Go away, Rodney! Leave me alone!" Alista yelled striding away from him.

"Would you quit being so hostile?" Rodney grabbed her arm and jerked her around to face him. "Maybe you'd make a few friends."

Alista flinched like he had slapped her. She phased out of his grasp. "Would you stop pretending to care?" She hissed snidely. "I can't stand it any more. I'm here. I'm saving those you _**do **_care about so you can stop the act!"

Radek heard the sob in her voice and blinked in surprise. Perhaps it was not dislike she was projecting around Rodney.

"I am not…" Rodney shouted in disbelief.

"I know you can't stand me. Can't stand to touch me so just…stop. Stay away from me it'll be easier on both of us."

He saw Rodney blanch at her accusation; saw him reach for her as she phased and ran through the wall and out onto the outer walkway.

"I'm not pretending, Ally Kat." Rodney said softly reaching out to touch the wall she had phased through. "I wish I could convince you of that. I wish you'd give me a chance."

Radek sighed waiting until Rodney had left the corridor before continuing on his way. He was now more worried than confused about his friend and Alista. She was saving many lives and did not deserve to be treated like a leper. Even those she saved did not treat her with kindness afterwards. He would turn in these reports and then find her. He had been remiss. Buried in his own work he had not done as he should and made her feel welcome. He would change that tonight. Perhaps he could find a way to help them both.

He turned in his reports and made small talk for a few minutes before leaving the control room and pulling up the life signs detector on his tablet. He typed in her name and all other dots blinked out except one far out on the southwest pier. She had gotten their very quickly, but then again she did not have to traverse corriders. She could take an almost direct route. Alone on a pier after having a major confrontation with Rodney though was not good.

He checked the time and swung by the mess and picked up some sandwiches and bottled water and two slices of pie before heading out to the pier. He hesitantly moved toward the blinking dot on his screen realizing soon that she was at the very edge of the pier.

Not wanting to startle her and make her fall he began whistling tunelessly. He saw her start and turn toward him stuffing something into her pocket. She swayed slightly before gaining her balance. _If she was that tired, it was good thing he brought food._

Radek stopped a short distance away. "I thought perhaps you would like not to eat in the mess. I enjoy food more when I am not being stared at."

Alista stared at him silently a moment. "Radek Zelenka, right?"

Radek smiled. "Yes, you remember."

"Rodney's right hand man." Her voice held a trace of bitterness. "Did he send you out here?"

"No, no he does not know."

"Then why are you here?"

Radek blinked at the genuine confusion in her voice and then flushed. "To be honest…I heard you two argue earlier. I thought you might want…. No one should be out here alone with no ear to listen." he ducked his head. "I also wished to apologize for not making you welcome sooner. I have been busy in labs, but that is not excuse."

Alista gave him a faint smile. He seemed to be honestly concerned. "Are those chicken salad sandwiches?"

"Yes and coconut crème pie slices."

"You are officially my second friend on Atlantis then." Alista moved forward hoping he had not seen the puddle on the pier. It was a dark habit she had; one she thought she had overcome years ago, but now…now sometimes the pain was so bad.

Radek moved toward her to offer her the containers when he saw the puddle of liquid on the pier. _Funny, it has not rained recently and it is just where she was standing._

"That is odd." He handed her the tray and stepped toward the puddle.

"It's nothing, Radek." Alista said tightly. "Let's eat."

Too late. Radek was kneeling down and reaching out to touch the liquid. He brought his finger close to his face to see in the failing light. _Red? What…?_ He looked over at her. "This…this is blood." _She had swayed when she had turned toward him. Light headed? Blood loss?_

Alista flushed and turned away. "Don't worry about it." She replied in a tense voice as she settled crossed legged on the pier near a square protuberance. "Can't die, remember?"

Radek looked back at the large puddle then at the pale Alista who was busily arranging her supper. she looked embarrassed. He moved over and sat near her leaning against the square. He took the sandwich from her glancing at her wrist as he did so.

"I heal fast." She said catching his look. "Not even a scar."

"You try to…to…"

She gave a humorless bark of laughter. "No, I quit trying to die years ago. Wrists, jumping, hanging, drowning, being shot…it never worked. Now," she waved at the puddle, "its just a reminder that I'm a freak who has no choice but to live."

Radek stared at her horrified. "No choice? You try all these things? You wish to die so much?"

"The pain of living was too intense." She whispered, choking back tears. She stared down at her lap fighting against the memories of those dark days when all she had wanted was to stop feeling, stop seeing another sun come up without him wrapped around her.

"I know not what to say." Radek admitted slowly.

"Thank you." She choked out, swiping the tears away. "I hate people who spout platitudes."

They ate silently. Radek trying to figure out how to help her. "Tell me of yourself."

Alista tensed. "What about me?"

Radek waved his sandwich. "Where you are from? If you have siblings? What you studied in school?"

Alista leaned back and watched him suspiciously. "Why?"

"You are worse than Rodney." He muttered. "Because that is how you make friends; you share things. I go first." He huffed. "I am from Czechoslovakia. I have one sister. My mother died when I was little. My father died when I was young man. It was said to be accident, but I never believed it. I managed to contact friend who arranged for very discreet transport out of my country."

"You're a defector?"

"No. I left legally. Just very quietly. It was years before they realized I was not there any longer. By that time, I was working with military. Very lucrative. It was in their interest to let me stay. Now I am here."

Alista relaxed against the support slightly. "I'm from a small town in Louisiana. My mother makes and sells crafts; my father owns the local grocery store and rents out fishing boats. I have two younger sisters and yes they both have abilities."

"The same as yours?"

"No." Alista said with a finality that Radek could not miss.

"Ah, don't ask." He replied with a smile. "I do not know what I would do if something happened to my sister."

"They have such a sunny nature that the small community loves them in spite of being mutants." Alista said. She thought of her sister who could call all kinds of creatures to her and have them do her bidding. Her other sister who could manipulate things, juggling them in mid-air for fun. Both of them shared the chameleon ability, blending flawlessly with their backgrounds.

"You say that as if being mutant makes you automatically unlovable."

"That's been my experience." Alista replied bleakly.

"You are wrong about how he feels." Radek told her gently.

"No. I'm not. He made it abundantly clear." Alista rose to her feet and started off.

Radek scrambled up. "Please. Five minutes."

Alista paused and Radek walked over to her.

As they walked around the pier and headed back toward the city, Radek tried to explain the changes in Rodney. "He has changed much in the past five years. Maybe he meant it then that I do not know. I do know he does not feel that way now."

She didn't say anything, but the glance she gave him held such a mix of emotions that Radek took a deep breath and kept talking.

"When we arrived here, Rodney was very self-absorbed, very cynical and hypercritical. He was not nice man at all. Colonel Sheppard picked him for his team and befriended him. Slowly, Rodney has opened up and a few have discovered the gentle, hurt man underneath the extremely prickly exterior."

"What does that have to do with how he feels about me?"

"I believe you are the hurt that he tries so hard to hide. The hurt that makes it hard for him to open to others."

She rounded on him. "Me? I didn't walk out on him! He left me, Radek."

"I did not say he was rational." Radek responded with a snort.

Alista made a strangled sound and turned away. "He thinks I'm a monster."

"We have met monsters." Radek said seriously. "You are not one. You are lovely woman and believe it or not he is lovesick fool." Radek touched her arm gently. "Come, I will walk you to your quarters. Tomorrow it will be better."

Alista gave him a ghost of a smile. "For the first time in years, I believe it might be." _If only because she was making new friends._

#

"So what did you do in college?" Radek asked curiously.

"I was a music major." Alista responded absently twirling a screwdriver in her hand.

"Music? Really?" Radek was surprised.

"Really." Alista chuckled. "Vocals. Minor in instruments."

Radek stopped fiddling with the malfunctioning control panel and looked over at her. "So how did a music major meet a physics major?"

Alista's eyes unfocused as she remembered meeting Rodney. "I was practicing a song in the music room one afternoon when suddenly someone was accompanying me on the piano. He was taking piano as an elective and had come in to practice. Instead of disrupting my practice with his original choice of music he began accompanying me."

Radek watched her quietly. It had taken almost two weeks to get her to talk to him about her past and she still clammed up about Rodney if he wasn't careful. When she spoke of the early days of her and Rodney she glowed. It was painfully obvious how much she had loved him; how much she still loved him. Never would he have imagined Rodney provoking such emotions in someone.

Alista looked down at the floor and smiled softly. "He asked me out for coffee in such a roundabout, tangled up way that it was obvious he expected to be shot down so I said yes. It was awkward, but…nice. It was days before I saw him again. I saw him crossing the quad and hollered at him. He looked surprised. I asked him if he wanted to go to the coffeehouse and after that we were nearly inseparable. A year and a half later we were getting our own apartment. Those were the happiest days of my life."

She looked up at Radek tears pricking her eyes. "Six months later he asked me to marry him."

Radek looked stunned. "He proposed?"

"I said yes then not wanting secrets between us I told him about my abilities and he left. He left and never came back." Tears slid down her face unbidden. She hugged her waist trying to contain the pain.

She looked so desolate that Radek didn't think he just crossed over to her and hugged her comfortingly.

"The only wound I've never been able to heal." She whispered, sobbing into his shoulder. "I tried…so hard…so many ways…to die. It hurt so much without him."

Neither of them saw Rodney turn the corner, saw them embracing, and turning around, fled. _Radek! How could he? Didn't Radek know that Rodney was trying for a second chance with her? Sure, it wasn't going so hot right now, but it had only been a few weeks. Radek was suppose to be his friend and yet here he was horning in on Alista's affections._


	10. Chapter 10

SECOND CHANCE

CHAPTER 10

She was sitting in the mess eating. Alone. She'd been here seven weeks and although his team wasn't giving her looks to kill anymore they still weren't exactly friendly. Oh, they made an effort, but it was apparent that they were making an effort. Definitely part of Rodney's make her welcome enough to stay and save lives campaign. That small thaw did not extend to sitting with her in the mess and since Sheppard's team didn't make the effort to include her no one else felt obligated to.

Rodney had taken her comments to heart and was keeping his distance which kept the hurt to a low throb. Radek joined her occasionally when he wasn't tied up in the lab, but Rodney had been keeping him very busy here lately. Jennifer Keller was becoming a friend, but she was in the infirmary most of the time so even though they did things at times meals were still an ordeal to get through.

"Mind if I sit down?"

Alista looked up surprised to see a strawberry blonde stranger standing across from her with a cheerful expression.

"Ah, no, go ahead." Alista watched her warily.

"Laura Cadman." The woman introduced herself as she sat down.

"Alista Steward."

"Yeah, I know. I just got in this morning and I've already heard about you." Cadman rolled her eyes. "You are major gossip fodder."

Alista cocked an eyebrow. "And yet you still sat down."

Laura grinned. "It was looking painful."

Alista laughed mirthlessly. "I thought I was hiding it so well, too."

"I'm very observant and I make up my own mind about people."

"So what do you do, Laura?" Alista asked after a few minutes of silent eating.

"I'm a computer engineer and explosives expert."

"Explosives? Much need for that here?" Alista asked feeling amazingly at ease with this woman. Perhaps it was the open, friendly attitude. Perhaps it was the way she draped herself in the chair and met Alista's eyes with eyes unclouded by disgust or suspicion.

"Not really." She sighed then grinned. "I do miss causing big explosions."

Alista shook her head, amused.

"So what about you?" Laura asked curiously.

Alista eyed her silently for a long moment. "I phase through things to save these folks," she waved her fork around the room, "when they get captured and I can heal."

"I hear its pretty wild."

Alista glanced up at her.

"Phasing. Those that have done it say it's a totally weird feeling."

"It is at first, I guess."

"So what did you do on Earth?"

"I'm a survivalist trainer. I took people that had not one clue how to live off the land and taught them how to maybe not die if they were camping and something went wrong."

Laura quirked an eyebrow at her. "How To Survive With Only One Match And A ShoeString?"

Alista grinned. "And a pocketknife."

Laura laughed softly.

They ate silently for awhile then Laura said, "I was told you were arrogant and distant."

"Yes, well, you can only be obviously avoided so many times before you develop defensive countermeasures."

"But you and Radek get along?"

"Radek and Dr. Keller."

"Two people? Ouch."

Alista shrugged. "I'm popular for about two hours after I save someone."

"Oh great! You're back." Sarcasm dripped from Rodney's voice.

Alista stiffened at the sound of Rodney's voice behind her. He had been studiously avoiding her for the past three weeks giving _**her**_ kicked puppy looks before leaving wherever it was she came across him.

"Hello, Rodney. Miss me?" Laura grinned mischievously while filing Alista's tense reaction away to think about later.

"Like I miss the plague." Rodney retorted. "Please refrain from demolishing a spire or the control room while you're here." He added waspishly.

"Love you too, McKay." Laura responded then blinked at the pain that flashed across both faces.

"Yes, well, I need to tell Sheppard to lock up the C-4." Rodney muttered and took off.

Laura noticed how Rodney had completely ignored the young woman's existence. _You only ignore someone that way on purpose. The question is: For what purpose?_

Alista stood up. "I've got to go. I'm told I've actually got mail." Alista tried hard to hide the wobble in her voice.

"Sure, catch you later." Laura replied perplexed at the badly hidden pain.

#

Alista had just ripped open the care package from Molly, Gavin, and Paul spilling chocolate, candy, sodas, fuzzy slippers, and DVDs over her bed when alarms sounded. She rushed out of the room and heard the announcement.

"Coolant leak East tower, level two. Emergency measures activated. Section sealed."

She heard Sheppard ask on the open channel, "Anyone in that section?"

"No, Sir. They made it out right before the doors sealed. They've been taken to the infirmary."

"Reroute the coolant and shut down the pipes." Rodney's voice came through concise and authoritative.

"Trying," said the tech.

"Try harder." Rodney said roughly. "We can't afford to lose any more coolant than we already have."

"Got it." Radek's voice responded. "We have coolant rerouted, but the ventilation is not activating."

Alista listened to the conversation going on over the radio system and wondered if she should head down to the East Tower. No, she wasn't an engineer and she wasn't going to volunteer to walk through freaking alien coolant! Just the thought made her shiver and her stomach churned. She was here to rescue prisoners nothing else.

She could hear Rodney and Zelenka bandying about ideas that she in no way understood. Occasionally, another scientist or Sheppard would make a comment or a suggestion and then Rodney or Zelenka would shoot them down and tell them to stop interrupting with their idiotic ideas (that was always Rodney).

Apparently, the immediate crisis was over meaning they had shut down that section so no more coolant was leaking, but the automatic ventilation wasn't kicking in and clearing the closed off section.

The discussion now centered on how to get to the manual switch which was very idiotically (Rodney's word) inside the closed off section.

"I don't know why we're wasting time," said a snooty voice. "That woman could waltz right in and pull the switch."

"_That woman_ has a name." Rodney hissed and Alista wondered if he knew he was still on the citywide.

"Fine," the man huffed. "_**Alista**_ could pull the switch."

"Shut up, Kavanaugh!" Rodney shouted angrily. "We are NOT sending Alista into that! Don't ANYONE even think it." The fury in his voice was very evident. He didn't care if she was seeing Radek now or not he wasn't sending her into that.

"She _could_ do it." Sheppard said neutrally.

"That stuff is corrosive." Rodney voice had went cold, very cold. "It would strip the flesh off of her. WE ARE NOT SENDING HER IN."

"What do you suggest then, Rodney?" Sheppard asked, frustrated.

"I suggest we find a solution like we would if she weren't conveniently here."

"McKay is right." Carter's calm voice cut through the tension. "We need to come up with another solution and someone needs to get you all off the citywide."

Alista stood still, shivering as they argued about sending her into a room full of corrosive gas. She felt the stares of the people in the hall on her and she stepped back into her room, shimmering through the door instinctively. She reached for the ear piece she was supposed to wear and slipped it in. She clicked through the channels until she picked them up again. If they decided to come talk to her, she wanted to be forewarned.

"We could put someone in space suit." Radek offered tentatively.

"Yes and they would make it halfway across the room before the suit failed and they died." Rodney responded icily.

"We need to clear that sector."

"I'm aware of that, Colonel and if I could stop fending off incompetent ideas maybe I could find a solution that doesn't involve horrible pain and death." Rodney's voice was sharp and biting.

Silence fell as everyone gave him space to calm down and think. Time passed. After two hours with no solution, Alista psyched herself up and walked down to where Rodney and Radek were feverishly tossing ideas around.

Rodney looked up when she came into the room. He saw the look on her face. "No."

"Is there any other way to do this besides someone going in there?"

"Yes," Rodney said desperately. "I just need to find it."

"No," Radek said softly. "There is not or we would have found it by now."

"You would send her in there?" Rodney asked unable to believe that Radek would send his…his…lover (_Rodney felt a sharp pain at the idea)_ into a room full of corrosive gas.

"No, I would not if there was another way." Radek replied.

"I would survive it." Alista said resignedly.

Rodney crossed the room and grabbed her shoulders He gave her a little shake and stared into her eyes. "No! I don't care that you can heal the damage. I'm not sending you into a room full of gas that's going to dissolve your flesh. I'm not!" He shook her slightly as he yelled at her.

Alista shuddered at the thought that even phased she had to breath and the gas would eat away at her lungs. The damage wouldn't be as severe as it would to someone solid, but it would still hurt…bad and she would have to be solid to flip the switch. "What happens if it isn't cleared soon?"

Rodney's hands fluttered agitatedly. "The seal will hold. We have time."

When Radek opened his mouth one glare from Rodney made him shut it without a sound. For yes, the seal would hold that wasn't the problem. The problem was the tubes that the coolant was rerouted through wouldn't be able to sustain the increased volume for more than a few days.

After Alista left, Rodney rounded on Radek. "How could you?"

"We may have no choice." Radek said regretfully.

"Having won her," he swallowed hard, "affections how could you think of risking her like that? How can you even think of putting her through that much pain?"

_Affections? _Radek stared at him a moment wondering what was going on in Rodney's head then it dawned on him. "Rodney, we are just friends; we are not…" He trailed off.

Rodney's face was still for a moment before it twisted in confusion. "You aren't?"

"Why would you think we were?"

"You eat meals together. I always see you out on balconies alone. She laughs when she's with you and…and you were hugging." Rodney rattled off the damning evidence.

"Rodney…"

"I saw you so don't deny it!" Rodney shouted.

Radek sighed. "Yes, we eat together because we are friends and Dr. Keller is only other person who will sit with her. The balconies are private. She tells of college days, of days with you when she was happy. I have learned more about you in the past three weeks than I have in five years."

"She told you about us?" Rodney stared at him unsure of how to react. Part of him wanted to shout with joy that she was talking about him and they were just friends, but part wanted to say it was none of Radek's business.

"Yes, how you met, things you would do, places you would go. Dreams of the future. I hugged her yes, but it was because she was crying." Radek speared him with a direct look. "Over you."

"Me?" Rodney's eyes darted back and forth as he processed this bit of information. "Really? Me?"

"Yes, you idiot. You break her heart and it never heal. Never."

"She still loves me?"

"Amazingly, yes."

Rodney's eyes glowed and his face split into the happiest grin Radek had ever seen on his face. "She loves me. I still have a chance."


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

Alista was jogging with Laura the next day when the call came. They were up in the scaffolding running for distance. Running to keep her mind off of what might happen later. They wanted her down in the East tower. She looked at Laura, eyes wide with fear. They were going to have her go into that stuff. They were really going to ask her to walk through a room full of corrosive acid. Sure she had went to Rodney and Radek and practically volunteered, but that was because she was sure they'd say no. And Rodney had - vehemently. Obviously he had been overruled. She was going to be sick.

Laura looked back at her appalled. "I can't believe they're doing this." She gripped her arm. "You can't do this!"

"They wouldn't if I were normal." Alista said bitterly, grippng the railing hard to keep Laura from seeing her shake.

"I'm sure that's not it. If you weren't here, someone else would have to go in if there's truly no other option." Laura said matter-of-factly. She shook her head. "They haven't had time to dismiss all other possibilites yet. Rodney and Radek are too smart to have that few possibilities."

Alista shrugged. "Maybe they wouldn't. It's just…they don't think about the fact that it hurts me just like it hurts them. They focus in on the fact that I'll survive it."

Laura didn't know what to say so she just gave her a friendly nudge. "Come on. I'll go with you. If you say you won't do it, I'll back you up. I won't let them force you into it without a fight."

Alista gave her a tremulous smile. "Thanks."

By the time they walked into the room, Alista was visibly trembling and pale as a ghost. Carter, Sheppard, Radek, and Rodney were in the room waiting for her. From the tense silence you could tell that a heated argument had been going on.

Rodney was fairly vibrating with anger and worry. As soon as she appeared, he barked, "It's your choice. You don't have to do it! I won't let them force you!"

"Rodney!" Carter called him down.

"No. You will not force her to do this." He yelled, his hand chopping the air. "Do you have any idea how much pain she's going to be in? Do you? Have any of you thought about the agony you're asking her to endure? Go ahead Sam, step inside for a second and find out! I won't even ask you to take a breath."

"Rodney!" Sheppard snapped. "Enough."

"No, Colonel," Rodney said scathingly. "It isn't enough. No one acknowledges she exists until we need her to do something no one else wants or can do. You won't even eat with her! No one eats with her, no one invites her to movies or to play cards or…or anything, but walk through hell? Sure, call Lista. She'll do it even though we treat her like a pariah!" His chin jutted obstinately. "If she says no, we continue to look for other options."

"I thought the seals would hold; that there was time to figure this out." Alista said, confused.

"They will." Radek said softly. "The problem is the excess coolant being pushed through other tubes. They will not take strain much longer."

"There'll be other leaks?"

"Yes, perhaps where people are." Radek replied reluctantly.

"You don't have to do this." Laura said forcefully.

"I think I do." Alista said. "How would I feel if someone dies from another leak?"

"Lista," Rodney stared at her helplessly. "I'll find another way. Just...say no. We have another day before it gets critical."

"Just," she swallowed hard. She was shaking all over. Her whole body visibly trembled. "Just make sure I get the really good drugs while I'm healing." Her terror filled eyes met his.

Rodney nodded. His eyes were glistening when he tapped his headset. "Keller," he barked. "Lista's been guilted into going into the coolant. I want a burn unit down here now!"

Sheppard and Carter frowned at his wordage. He glared back. If she died...if she died from this he'd pack his belongings and leave. If she died because they were so bent on using her because it was convenient, he never be able to work with them again.

"What? Is she crazy?" Keller's shocked voice sounded in everyone's ear.

"Just get down here and bring the best drugs you have." Rodney ordered harshly. He looked at Sheppard and Carter. "If she dies, I will never forgive either of you."

John paled then his eyes hardened and he gave a short nod. They had to do this. They couldn't afford to vent the coolant and they didn't have time to find another way before leaks appeared elsewhere.

"We'll be right there." Keller replied grimly.

"At least suit up." Rodney begged Alista.

"If the suit would protect me, someone else could do this."

"Do you want to die? The suit will…" He trailed off at the flicker in her eyes. He sucked in a breath. "Outside now." He grabbed her and pulled her out into the hall. "Talk."

"Just drop it."

"No." His hands slid up her arms and stared her in the eyes. "I don't hate you, Ally Kat." He held up a hand to forestall her response. "I know, don't call you that, but that is how I think of you." _Now is not the time to tell her I love her. She wouldn't believe it._

Her eyes filled with tears she wouldn't shed. _Ally Kat. He would call her that when she was being 'adorably stupid' and he was 'affectionately frustrated' with her. He also called her that when they were making love. _She blinked them away rapidly. "I won't die in there….at least not and stay dead. Believe me I know how hard I am to kill. And no, I don't want to talk about it."

_I hurt her so bad she tried to take her life? _Rodney felt his heart squeeze painfully tight. Regardless of how she would take it, he pulled her into his embrace. "I am so sorry I was a stupid jerk." He whispered into her ear.

Her hands clenched into his shirt momentarily then she remembered that the fact that he was sorry didn't mean he loved her no matter what Radek thought and she tensed and backed away. "I just want to get this over with."

Keller came around the corner with a med team loaded with special gear. They were solemn as the passed by her. Keller stopped and looked at her seriously.

"We need to talk before you do this. I need a better understanding of what's going to happen afterwards."

"It's going to strip me down to the bone in places. My body will automatically regenerate. I don't know which process will be faster. I'm hopefully going to be unconscious." Alista said grimly. "It doesn't matter how bad it looks; I'll heal." She sighed and admitted what she had never admitted to another living soul. "Just keep my head attached. I'm fairly certain that's the only way to kill me permanently."

Rodney flinched at her candid assessment. "Gods! Ally. Please, I'm begging you, don't do this."

"Just load me full of good drugs to numb the pain and keep my energy levels up with glucose so I'll heal faster."

"Tell her to wear the suit." Rodney said gruffly, blinking back tears. "It'll minimize the time she's exposed."

"He's right," Keller said. She was pale and looked like she was going to be sick, but she was still a trained trauma surgeon. "Even if its only effective halfway across the room it cuts your suffering in half. The head gear may even last longer."

"Okay. I'll wear the suit. Now show me what to do before I change my mind."

They reentered the room and Rodney pulled up an image of the room. "The door is here." He pointed to the screen. "The panel is there." He pointed to a spot across the room. "Pull the panel off. It's a simple pull switch. Pull it and get out."

Alista studied the room. "What's on the other side of the wall there." She pointed to the switch panel.

Another room why?" Carter asked from behind them.

Alista shut her eyes briefly. "Hello, I can walk through walls."

Rodney stared at her dumbstruck for a second and then grinned. "I forgot you didn't need to enter through the door."

"No. You are backwards. That is outer wall. She has this wall and far wall. The other two are outer walls. The openings too narrow for jumper." Radek said regretfully.

"Still the other wall will give her a shorter distance." Laura said peering over Rodney's shoulder. "And the coolant seems to be thinner."

"She's right." Sheppard agreed quietly. He hated having to send anyone into that, but sending the woman he knew Rodney loved into it was killing him. He was probably going to lose his best friend over this. The thought kicked him in the gut hard. He wasn't sure what he'd do without Rodney's steady presence beside him.

"Phasing in will let a little into the suit, but I still think its the better choice." Alista said thoughtfully as she studied the distances.

Rodney and Laura went with Alista to the other room to help her done the suit. The suit was loose on her, but thankfully she wasn't short so it fit well enough.

Rodney stepped up with the helmet. "You don't…"

"Kiss for luck?" Alista cut him off with a brazen request she thought for sure he'd brush off. One last kiss. One last time to feel those lips on hers.

Instead, his eyes darkened and he stepped closer, cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her. Everything disappeared as sensations swamped her. His lips moved gently over hers until she moaned and then the kiss became hungry and demanding.

With a shuddering breath, he pulled back. "Ally Kat," he groaned leaning his head on hers. Alista was too stunned by the kiss to form a response, she just leaned into him and tried to get her thudding heart to calm down.

"Well," Laura drawled, "a lucky kiss that good should get you through without a scratch."

Rodney and Alista jerked apart, both flushing deeply. Alista jerked the helmet from his hands, slapped it on, and stepped through the wall.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

The green-tinted coolant filled the room swirling around her as she disturbed the air. It curled around the suit, sweeping into the creases as if seeking entry. They had taped her pant legs and cuffs to minimize contact as long as possible. They'd also wrapped tape tightly around the waist.

The small amount that had entered the suit while she was phased made her skin tingle where it wasn't protected by clothes. The tingle was indication that top layers were regenerating. Alista trembled at the thought of what was coming. She turned back to the wall. She wanted to run through it so bad; wanted to refuse to do this.

"You might want to move." Rodney snapped over the radio causing her to jerk in surprise.

She swallowed back tears and turned back into the room. She tried to focus on that mind-blowing kiss instead of the agony that was minutes away. Unable to see more than a few inches ahead she cautiously made her way into the room relying on Radek to inform her if she drifted off course.

The suit was heavy and hard to move in, but if she phased which would make moving easier she would compromise the suit's protective nature. Awkwardly, she moved across the room listening to Radek voice which he was trying to keep on an encouraging level. He counted down the distance and gently directed her when she wavered off course in the soupy air.

The further she moved into the green fog the thicker her fear and dread got. It was going to hurt. It was going to be agonizing. She didn't want to be in here. She didn't want to go through this. She wanted to go home, to her mountain where no one would ever dream of asking her to do something like this. She'd be explaining mushrooms and root vegetables to ignorant city dwellers not estimating how much longer until corrosive acid hit her skin.

She was a third of the way across when she felt the first hint of full strength coolant against her leg. She hissed in pain as it made contact with her skin. Searing. Burning. Flesh dissolved and reformed and dissolved again. Her stride caused the coolant to eddy away and the pain faded.

"Alista?" It was Radek's and Rodney's voices full of worry. "What's going on? Where's it hurt? Are you healing? Talk to me." Rodney overrode Radek and babbled desperately at her.

"A tiny hole. I'm fine. Don't worry…yet." Her voice was grim, but she managed to keep the pain out of it. _I don't want to be here. I don't want to do this. _

She moved quicker pushing the limits of speed without risking falling. She was going to do this fast. She had sodas and chocolate waiting on her back in her quarters.

"The suit is developing holes." Radek murmured as ragged holes appeared in the suit.

"Really?" She asked acerbically as fire raced along her hip. She whimpered a little as coolant licked along her skin. "Sorry."

"Do not apologize." Radek snapped.

"Can you go faster?" Rodney murmured.

"Not without risking overbalancing and falling."

The radio was silent for a moment then Radek said in a subdued voice, "Angle a little to your left. It is not much further."

She shifted course slightly. "Good. I have plans for tonight."

"Yes. Package from Earth. I believe you have chocolate you are not sharing." His voice was thick with tears and remorse.

"An unsupported guess. My friends could have sent me tea and sugar wafers."

"I am genius." Radek huffed. "My guesses are quite accurate. You have chocolate – I think perhaps Dove."

Alista laughed softly. "Perhaps. Maybe Lindor truffles."

"What flavor?"

"Variety. Bags of them."

"You are cruel woman."

Half way she gasped letting loose a string of curse words as coolant reached places nothing like that should ever reach. Molten lava couldn't hurt worse than that did. She stopped and pressed a hand against her belly.

"Lista? Ally! What's your status?" Rodney's voice sharp with worry replaced Radek's.

"Can anyone else hear?" Alista asked through gritted teeth as her abdomen spasmed in protest. She was not going to add humiliation to her agony.

A pause. "No, we're private."

"Let's just say the lower half of the suit is definitely compromised and coolant is getting where it never should get." She whimpered. "It hurts, Rodney. Kids may be off the table for awhile." She breathed in harsh pants as fire ripped through her nerves.

"I'm so sorry." His voice was thick with emotion. "I never should have let them talk you into this!"

She took a few steps trying to regulate the pain so she could function. She had to finish this. It was just going to get worse.

"Not your fault. Ahh! There goes the top." She stopped, bent over with pain for a moment as coolant licked across the soft flesh of her breasts.

Rodney looked up into the cloudy view of the room. He could see the holes in the suit and knew that soon she'd decide to phase out of it. "Stay in as long as the helmet is holding secure." He ordered sharply.

She didn't answer, but she didn't phase either.

She was almost there before she felt coolant licking the nape of her neck. She whimpered at the thought of the pain that was about to hit her when the coolant reached the sensitive nasal membranes not mention her eyes.

"The panel is straight ahead. The panel opens from the left."

"'Kay." Her voice was tight with pain and dread. "The helmet's about to go. Remember I get the excellent drugs." She whispered in a shaky, scared voice.

"The best that Keller has." Rodney swore and watched in mute horror as she finally phased out of the suit. The suit fell to the floor and he could barely make out her passage by the eddying coolant. There would be no more communication between them without the helmet's radio.

They all clustered around the camera-feed as she made it to the panel. Even phased they could see her bowed over in pain then she straightened placed a phased hand near the panel and became solid.

The coolant was thick on that side of the room. It was designed to funnel the coolant toward the vents on that side. Her clothing fell to the floor as the coolant ate the threads. The skin sloughed off her hand as she opened the panel. Blood dripped as she reached blindly for the switch with skeletal fingers. In macabre fascination they watched as her body fought to heal itself trying desperately to stay ahead of the corrosive power of the coolant. They watched as she fumbled for the switch unaware that her sight was gone. Her screams silent because her vocal cords had gone several breaths ago.

Muscle and skin appeared only to slough away over and over again. Her hair dissolved only to reappear as stubble and then melted away again. Bone flickered in and out of view as the switch slid down and the coolant began to be sucked into the vents.

She slid to the floor succumbing to the fiery pain enveloping her body and searing her lungs. Comforting blackness enveloped her. Her body regenerated. She jerked and inhaled; coolant seared her already burned lungs. A scream ripped from her before darkness descended again.

Everyone watched horrified, tears streaming down their faces as they watched her die and jerk alive only to go still again. Twice more the grisly scene repeated before Rodney lunged for the door release unable to stay away from her any longer. He scrabbled at the release needing to get her.

"No. We can't yet." Sheppard grabbed him and held on as he struggled frantically to get loose.

"Let me go, John. She's dying. She's…." Rodney sobbed openly not caring about his tough rep or appearing manly. He only knew he died every time she did. He bent over and threw up. John held onto him as he heaved.

"I know, buddy. I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." John whispered raggedly. "You won't heal though."

"Two more minutes." Radek murmured apologetically, crying himself.

As soon as it was marginally safe, Rodney slapped the door and rushed in coughing on the wispy remains as he made his way to her. He dropped to his knees beside her knowing he couldn't touch her without causing her more pain. He reached out anyway stopping mere inches from her ravaged body.

In horrified silence, he looked down at her. Very little of her body had muscle left much less skin. Her body raced to repair eroded veins and arteries so that blood would flow. A cheek bone stood out glaringly white. Her entire body was pitted and eroded, down to the bone in many places. Blood continued to flow as her body raced to produce enough to keep her alive.

He watched helplessly as her body sluggishly healed just what it needed to survive. Now that the coolant wasn't eroding her efforts, veins and arteries slowly developed over her frame followed by a thin layer of muscle. Layers of tissue appeared over the exposed expanse of her spinal column.

He knelt next her, weeping and whispering her name like a mantra that would keep her tethered to the world of the living as the healing process slowed even further as her body exhausted itself. It was like horrific special effects in a bad sci-fi movie only it was real and it was the woman he loved.

Keller and her team raced up behind him and searched anxiously for someplace to put an I.V. "I need a good vein for the I.V." Keller muttered desperately to herself then gasped as the back of the hand nearest her became whole and healthy. The fingers twitched slightly.

"Alista?" Keller wondered if she was conscious as she immediately began inserting an I.V. and started the glucose drip and the morphine. "Get her wrapped." Keller ordered curtly. The three med techs expertly began wrapping the burn gauze around her. the thick gel full on lidocaine and antibiotics.

A painful gagging sound and instinctive twitches alerted them to the fact that she was aware of their agonizing administrations. They quickly lifted her onto the lowered gurney and swiftly raised it. She went limp as they lifted her from the floor; comforting darkness once again enveloping her.

They started for the door at a fast pace. A moan alerted them that she was with them again. Rodney was leaning over her in an instant. "It's over, Ally. You did it. I'm here. Just rest. I thought you were giving her morphine." He snapped in an aside to Keller.

"I am." Jennifer snapped back as tears streaked down her face.

Alista blinked up at him unable to see anything. "Peege?" Her voice was raspy and rough.

He drew back horrified at her ravaged eyes. The bloody orbs gouged deep from the coolant. He gagged at the thought of how that must have felt. "Yeah, baby." He managed to choke out praying that she'd be able to heal all the damage.

"Don't…leave...me" She whispered painfully. "Please, please don't..." Her hand twitched in his direction.

He laid his fingertips gently on her bandaged hand. "Never." Rodney promised, blinking back tears that blurred his vision. "I will never leave you again."

Her eyes fluttered shut as she drifted into unconsciousness.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

Rodney stayed by her for three days refusing to leave her side to do anything except use the bathroom. His eyes darted constantly from his laptop to the monitors to her very still form. It shouldn't have taken this long. What was taking so long? Had her body found its limits?

His friends brought him meals and changes of clothes. They tried to talk him into going to the mess hall to eat or to his quarters to shower and sleep. He just glared at them and refused to budge. He wouldn't let her down again.

A faint whimper caught his attention and he was on his feet, leaning over her. His fingers drifted lightly over the short hair on her head. "Easy Lista. Try not to move. You're in the infirmary. Keller says I can up the morphine a little if you need me too."

Another small whimper and Rodney reached over and pressed a button that sent morphine into her system. They already had her on a very high dosage. It wouldn't take much more to make it dangerously high. A minute later her body relaxed and Rodney sat back down.

His gaze skimmed over her gauze encased body. Very little of her body was visible. Her hair was still mere stubble and Keller had studied the scans yesterday evening and had unwrapped her neck to physically look at the new skin then had rewrapped her neck in a lighter gauze.

Rodney was worried. Keller would come in and run the scanner over her and frown. When Rodney questioned her she said Lista was healing and to give it time, but Rodney knew that she wasn't healing as quickly as she should. In three days, she should be completely healed. She was healing at the same rate a normal person would. Her ability was just keeping her alive while she did it. Something was very wrong.

Keller appeared later that afternoon and activated the scanner. Her life threatening injuries were healing slowly, but the others weren't making much process at all. Her skin was still missing in most areas and where bone had been exposed she had healed just enough to get blood flow going again.

At her frown, Rodney begged, "Tell me what's wrong!"

Keller looked at him sadly. "She isn't healing very quickly. Some injuries aren't showing any healing at all. I'm not sure what's wrong or how to fix it."

"Are you saying that she's dying?" Rodney asked going stark white.

"No, no." Keller reassured him quickly. Her concern for him growing when he collapsed into the chair and quietly stared at her. "It's just at this rate it's going to be weeks maybe months before she's completely well and from what she's told me that shouldn't be the case." Keller frowned and looked down at her newest friend. "I'm missing something. I wish she had been more forthcoming about her abilities and how they work."

"She woke, sort of, whimpering. I upped her morphine." He told her feeling helpless. He rubbed a hand over his face feeling the stubble on his cheeks. "I will never let them push her into something like this again."

Keller nodded. "Her body seems to nullify its affect to a degree so we can give her more than what we would someone else. I'm going to go see if I can come up with something. I'll be back in a few hours."

Exhausted, Rodney just nodded and picked up his laptop as she left. He was really too tired and distracted to do any real work, but he made the effort in an attempt to pass the time. Jennifer rested her hand on his shoulder for a moment before leaving him alone.

In her office, Keller contacted Sheppard. "Rodney needs to get out of here for a few hours. He's pale and shaking. Frankly, I'm nearly as worried about him as I am her. He needs a hot meal and several hours of uninterrupted sleep or he's going to collapse."

Twenty minutes later, Sheppard, Ronon, and Teyla entered the infirmary grim and determined. They had all spent time here the past few days supporting Rodney and watching over Alista even if Rodney wasn't really speaking to Sheppard at the moment, but this trip was to keep their friend from making himself sick.

"Come on Rodney," Sheppard said approaching him. "Time for a shower, a meal and a nap."

"Not leaving or speaking to you." Rodney muttered without looking up. "Promised."

"You promised not to talk to me?"

Rodney frowned. "Promised not to leave. This is your…" Rodney paused. "You could of stopped it." He looked up at John. "Carter would have backed down if you hadn't sided with her."

John blanched. "The only other choice was to punch a hole in the wall and the coolant escape. You and Radek both said we couldn't do that."

"She isn't healing, John."

"And you are not resting." Teyla murmured as she moved to his side.

In a coordinated maneuver Teyla took his laptop as Ronon and Sheppard grabbed his arms and lifted him from the chair.

"You need to eat and shower. Believe me." Sheppard said firmly.

"Let go!" Rodney hissed struggling futilely and cursing them.

"You can be angry at me all you want, Rodney. You're still my best friend and I'm still looking out for you."

"Teyla will stay here until you get back." Ronon said as they dragged Rodney, struggling and cursing them out of the infirmary.

They hadn't made it out of the infirmary before Teyla was contacting them. "She is becoming quite agitated."

"See, let me go." Rodney fought harder. "I promised not to leave."

"You're going to collapse if you don't eat and sleep." Sheppard snapped at him. "Teyla, put your radio next to her ear. Rodney, be reassuring."

Rodney looked at him uncomprehendingly for a moment then he heard Alista's restless shifting and whimpering.

He touched his earpiece. "Lista, baby, its okay. Calm down. I'm not leaving; I'm not. I'm just getting something to eat. I won't be far. I swear I'm not leaving you."

"It is working." Teyla said. "She has stilled. I believe to listen, but is still agitated."

"I'm just going to shower and eat. I'll be back soon." Rodney said gently. "If you need me, Teyla will let me know."

'Morphine' he mouthed to Sheppard.

Sheppard contacted Keller on the medical frequency and had her release more morphine into Alista's system.

"She's asleep." Keller said in relief.

Rodney looked at Sheppard. "I'll shower and eat then I'm going back. I'll sleep in the bed next to her."

Sheppard studied him with narrowed eyes. "Okay, as long as you sleep."

"I'll make sure." Ronon promised.

"How can you make me sleep?" Rodney asked, curtly.

Ronon towered over him. "I can stun you."

#

Rodney had showered and was woofing down food that he had moments ago claimed he had no appetite for. "I had no idea I was this hungry." He moaned as he finished off his sandwich and started in on the potatoes. "No wonder I wasn't getting any work done."

"See," John smirked. "I told you, you needed food. You need to keep you body fueled for it to work right."

Rodney froze, the spoon halfway to his mouth. "That's it!" With a curse, he tapped his earpiece. "Keller!" He barked.

"McKay? What is it?"

"Energy. Her body needs more energy. She needs more glucose."

"We're already got her on the highest concentration of glucose."

"I'm hypoglycemic. My body doesn't process the way yours does. What if her body is treating it like it does the morphine?"

"Then she'll need a higher concentration. That's it!" Keller said excited. "I'll get started right away creating an extremely high level glucose drip."

She cut off abruptly and Rodney looked at his friends. "I think we've been starving her. That's why she isn't healing quickly. If this works, I may even forgive you."

John sighed. "Thanks, Rodney."

When they got back to the infirmary, Keller was already hooking up a new bag with a special colored strip across it. She glanced at them. "If this works, we'll create several and keep them put back for her."

"In the meantime," Sheppard said, "McKay has promised to sleep."

"Yes, yes," Rodney said, his eyes on Alista. "I'm going now." He reached out and gently touched her uncovered fingertips. "I'm back," he whispered before he moved to the bed next to hers and removed his shoes and jacket and settled on the bed. He shut his eyes and was asleep in minutes.

#

A panicked sound woke him. It was dim in the infirmary meaning it was night time. He slid off the bed and made his way to Alista's side as Ronon straightened up in his chair.

"I'm here." Rodney murmured, placing his hand gently on hers.

Her jaw moved restlessly.

"Ronon, she's awake. Get Keller."

Ronon was up and gone in an instant.

"Easy, Ally Kat. You're swaddled like a mummy. Keller's coming though. Hold on, baby."

Ronon was back with Keller in an instant. Hope showed in both their eyes.

"She's awake?"

Rodney nodded. "She wants something."

Keller moved up next to her. "Alista, let me run a scan real quick okay."

The faintest of nods and then she stilled.

Keller activated the scan and saw that her mouth had healed along with abdominal area. "You want me take some of the bandages off?"

A tiny nod.

"Okay, just your lower face and your middle." Keller gently cut the gauze on one side and peeled it away from her lower face exposing pink new skin.

Her lips parted and she drew in a deep breath and exhaled.

"Eyes," she mumbled hoarsely.

"Bandaged." Rodney said gently.

"How long?" Alista forced out from her hurting throat.

Everyone exchanged glances not sure how she'd react to the news.

"Three days." Rodney said.

She froze as Keller moved down to her abs and carefully removed the gauze checking on her skin before peeling the gauze back. Keller grinned up at Rodney and the others.

_Three days and she was still not well? How bad had she been hurt? No, no matter how bad it had been she should have healed by now. _Then memories started returning -the caustic gas eating down to her bones, dying and jerking alive again and again.

"I'm sorry it took us so long to figure out how much glucose you needed." Keller said to Alista. "I think its our fault you aren't healed yet, but we figured it out yesterday and the healing has sped up."

"'S okay now." She breathed and let the darkness reclaim her.

She's asleep again." Keller said. "I'll have Penny make some more bags. You," she leveled a stern look at Rodney, "go back to sleep."

When Rodney woke the next day, a new bag of concentrated glucose was hanging on the pole and Keller was there running a scan. She looked up when Rodney sat up. She gave him an encouraging grin.

"I'm about to unwrap her face and her arms." She said happily.

Rodney hurried to her bedside. "Is she awake?"

Keller shook her head as she bent over and carefully removed the gauze from her face and arms. Soon smooth, pink skin was revealed. "She's amazing." Keller said. "I would never have believed that anyone could survive exposure to that stuff and to not give up, but keep fighting to live."

"Her ability doesn't give her a choice." Rodney said bleakly.

Keller shot him a look. "What?"

Rodney looked at her despairingly. "Its automatic when she's unconscious. It will heal her whether she wants it to or not. She had no choice, but to lay there and endure it."

"She told you this?"

Rodney nodded. He averted his gaze. "Apparently, she's tried to die several times."

Keller stared at him intently. "Suicide?"

Rodney nodded dejectedly.

Keller put two and two together, little bits Alista had told her and the way these two acted around each other. "Because you left her?" She asked softly.

Rodney jerked his head up to stare at her. "She told you that?" He asked in a painfully raw voice.

"She told me about the, ah, breakup." Keller said compassionately when she saw the same pain in his eyes that showed in Alista's.

"Stupidest thing I ever did." Rodney admitted softly as he tenderly traced Alista's fingers with his own.

"Possibly the cruelest as well." Jennifer said without heat.

Rodney flinched. "Yeah."


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

"Are you sure you don't want a wheelchair?" Rodney asked anxiously for the third time as he watched her shuffle down the corridor. He hovered as close to her as she'd allow as he watched her make her painfully slow way down the corridor.

"I'm sure." Alista said breathlessly, stopping to lean against the wall for a moment before resuming her slow amble toward her quarters. She was sick of laying and sitting. She wanted to feel her body moving, wanted to know it was healed.

"I could carry you." He persisted watching her weave slightly. His hands darted out to catch her if she started to fall.

_Strong arms lifting her, carrying her across the threshold of their apartment in jest. _"No." She twitched away from him hating the memories that were bombarding her.

After a week she'd finally been let out of the infirmary and while she was completely well she was exhausted. Glucose was great for converting into healing energy, but little was left over for the body. The body wanted steak and potatoes. _And pecan pie, _her belly whispered.

She just wanted to get to her room and crawl in bed until someone, preferably not Rodney, brought her something to eat. She nearly died from embarrassment when memory had returned and she recalled begging him not to leave her. Her embarrassment was exacerbated by the knowledge that guilt over her condition had kept him by her side the entire time.

She glanced at him now, hovering solicitously by her side as she tottered to her room. Laura would have helped her, but Rodney hadn't allowed any argument. Soon his self imposed duty would be finished and he could go back to keeping his distance. He didn't hate her. He had told her that. Wasn't that her goal to at least erase the hate and disgust? Why wasn't that enough? Why did she keep wishing for the impossible.

Several people came around the corner arguing amicably and not looking where they were going. On Earth, she'd suppressed her instincts so ruthlessly that she would have collided with them rather than phase in from on normals. Here, though, everyone knew what she was and she phased all the time so without thinking about it, Alista touched Rodney and phased to avoid colliding with them.

They swept by oblivious and Alista let go and became solid. The slight bit of energy she had drained from her. She put a hand on the wall to steady herself as her knees threatened to buckle. The hall swam and she felt herself fall.

With a curse, Rodney swept up her. His arms curled around her holding her close, enjoying the feel of her in his arms. He cuddled her close feeling her warm breath on his neck. She was such an idiot! Just out of the infirmary, barely on her feet and she was going to not only phase, but take him with her.

Hurrying to her room he laid her down. He sat down on the edge of the bed and tucked her hair back behind her ear. She looked up at him as he bent over her. The look of misery and desire in her eyes undid him. Gently he stroked her face then lowered his lips to hers. "I was such a fool," he murmured as he kissed her.

He caught her sigh and deepened the kiss. Her mind screamed that this was a big, big mistake, but her heart shushed it and wrapped arms around his neck. Her fingers delved into his hair locking him to her. The bed dipped as he shifted and settled next to her.

She felt hands slide down her body and back up. She remembered those hands; had dreamt of those hands on her skin. She tugged at his shirt needing to feel skin. She felt the fierce need to reacquaint herself with his body rush over her. With a small moan she ran her hands down his chest. He pressed into her hands with a sound of pleasure.

Soon, clothes were scattered and their two bodies were moving together remembering the dance of passion that they had know so many years ago. Soft sounds of pleasure intermingled with harsh breaths as they touched and stroked and built desire and pushed restraint out of the way. When he sank into her, they both felt like they had finally made it home.

Much later, Alista lay with her head nestled on his shoulder, drifting near sleep. How many times in the past had she rested like this? Countless, she thought. _I took them for granted._ "I wish this was real." She murmured as she slid into sleep.

Rodney shut his eyes and turned on his side tangling them together. "I wish you'd believe that it is." He pressed a kiss into her hair and fell asleep.

#

She didn't hear the call that jerked Rodney out of bed and had him scrambling into yesterday's clothes while trying to talk quietly, yet urgently, at the same time. He rushed to his room, switched clothes, grabbed his gear, and hurried to the gate room. He arrived panting and struggling into his vest.

His team looked at him askance as he buckled his holster on as he walked. His hair stood out at odd angles and his jacket was hanging open.

"Rodney? Sheppard drawled scanning his appearance in disbelief. "Are you good to go?"

"Hmmm?" Rodney looked up at him confusion all over his face. "Oh, ah, yes. Yes, I'm good to go." He nodded decisively as he finished pulling himself together.

Sheppard held his gaze a moment before nodding. "Dial us up, Chuck."

As Rodney went through the Gate he yelled up to Chuck to make sure someone sent a loaded tray to Alista. Cadman, sitting next to Chuck, told him she'd take care of it. She definitely wanted to see if Alista had the same disheveled glow about her as Rodney had this morning.

Alista woke up to the insistent chiming of the door. She woke confused at first as to where she was because it definitely wasn't their apartment. Sitting up, she looked around for Rodney. She didn't see him or his things anywhere and then she began to register her surroundings. _Atlantis. And (groan) making love to Rodney last night. Where was he? _She flushed as she realized he had left while she was asleep.

The door chimed again. Something thunked against the door. "Lista! Wake up."

"Come in." She called distractedly as she checked to make sure none of his things were lying around.

The door opened and Laura came in with a tray loaded with food that smelled delicious.

"Hey." Alista tried to compose her face, but she was exhausted and hungry and mortified. She reached for the nightshirt at the end of the bed.

Laura sat on the bed and balanced the tray on her lap. "Can't be that bad."

Alista flushed, but said nothing not wanting anyone to know about last night. _She had been so needy and he had been…well, he had been a man. A man that slunk off early in the morning before having to face her. A man who took what was offered, but didn't stay to face the awkwardness the next day. How could she face him now that he knew how much she still loved him? _

Laura handed her the tray and laid back on the bed. She stared at the ceiling while her friend ate. Hearing a groan, she glanced over and grinned. The tray with enough food for Ronon was scraped clean and Alista was flopped back on the pillows, one hand on her belly the other over her eyes.

"Full?" Laura asked, amused.

"Stuffed." Alista moaned. "My body needs it though. Believe it or not I'll be starving by lunch."

"Honey, that was lunch."

"What? What time is it?"

"11:30"

"Oh." Alista said thoughtfully.

Laura looked at her quietly for a moment then decided to put her out of her misery. "He got called off world on an emergency. One of our allies shields went down and Wraith are in the near vicinity. He made sure someone knew to feed you before he left."

"I wasn't even thinking about him." She huffed with a frown. _The dog! Making love to her like he'd never ran away._

"Sure you weren't. You were looking around for your socks when I came in. Spent the night, did he?"

Alista went beet red. "That's none of your….you shouldn't ask…" She spluttered as she crawled off the bed and escaped to the bathroom.

"Oh my….! He did!" Laura crowed. "I knew it! The two of you tangoed!"

"Shut up, Laura." Alista muttered.

"Was it as good as you remembered?" Laura wheedled shamelessly.

"Shut up, Laura." Alista replied firmly.

"Better?" Laura sat up.

"Shut Up!" Alista snapped, her embarrassment making her angry.

Alista came out of the bathroom and dragged fresh clothes on. She'd been an idiot and she did not want to talk about it.

Laura took in her pale, set face and the sharp, jerky movements. "I thought you'd be happy."

"Happy?" Alista stared at her. "I guilt him into sitting by my side for a week and then…then I…I…we…" She couldn't say it out loud. The way she had looked at him last night – open and vulnerable and needy.

"Well, he looked extremely pleased this morning."

Alista snorted. "Of course, he's a man."

Laura chuckled. "Yes, he is, but I think you're wrong. I think he's as in love with you as you are with him."

"Right. He avoided me like the plague for weeks before this happened."

Laura sauntered to the door. Her friend could be so blind sometimes. "He thought you and Radek were dating." The door opened and she stepped out into the hall. "Coming?"

Alista stood rooted to the floor. He thought she and Radek? And that was why he kept his distance? Because he thought she was interested in Radek and not because she told him he didn't have to pretend anymore?

Laura stepped back into the room. "Lista?"

"Radek?" Alista croaked. "Me and Radek? That's why he was avoiding me?"

"Yep. He's been like a bear with a bad tooth - snapping and snarling at everyone over every little thing. He's been horrible to Radek giving him the crappy assignments and the worst shifts."

Alista slowly raised her gaze to Laura's. Hope fluttered in her chest like a baby bird trying out its wings for the first time. "You really think he doesn't hate what I am anymore?"

"Sweetie, I think you are the only one that thinks that." Laura pushed her toward the door. "Come on, several girls want to put an idea to you."

"Who?"

"Wait and see."

"What idea?"

"Wait and see."

When they reached the small rec room there was a couple dozen women waiting nervously. They all stared at her when she came in with Laura.

She stared back impassively.

"Staring." Laura quipped.

One of the women blinked. "Sorry, it's just…we know how bad you were hurt and you look…"

Alista just looked at her. _Hello, mutant. Healing abilities._

"Um, yeah, well, we heard that you taught survival skills on Earth."

"Yes."

"We were wondering if you'd teach us because sometimes we have to go off world and it could happen. We could be cut off and have to fend for ourselves at some point. It's happened to others. Marines usually, but still, it could happen and, well, we'd be more comfortable going off world if we knew that we could survive on our own."

"You want me to teach you survival skills?"

"Yes."

"Sleeping in the cold, under trees, in trees, in the rain and muck; eating what you can find: moss, worms, bugs."

A few women paled, but they all nodded.

"I push hard and I'm brutally honest because soft and nice gets you killed." Alista warned them.

Several women in blue shirts coughed. "We work under Dr. McKay. He's brutal."

Alista gave them a cold smile. "Rodney is a sweetie pie compared to me in the wilds." She glanced around the room and saw the determination. "Okay, talk to Colonel Carter. If she okays it, I'll do it."


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

Carter thought it a wonderful idea as long as a team of marines went with just in case. That is how Alista found herself on an unpopulated planet two days later with seven nervous women and four marines trying hard not to look like the next week was going to be highly entertaining.

Alista grinned inwardly at the marines. If they thought they were going to lounge and laugh at her girls for a week they were in for a surprise. She fully intended to have them illustrate things. Oh, no of it would be hard or strenuous and without a doubt easier than most of their missions, but she intended to use them as demonstrators.

"Okay. This won't be as smooth as my trips back on Earth since we'll all be learning about this planet together, but the basic survival skills will be the same. You won't learn everything at this time. You will learn enough to keep you from dying right away if by some slim chance you find yourself alone off world."

"What are we learning?" Kalla asked.

"You will learn to orientate yourself so you can find the Gate, bind wounds, find or build shelter, find water and make it potable, make a fire without matches, and to think outside your comfort zone as far as food is concerned."

"Comfort zone?" Peggy asked warily.

Alista grinned. "Major Lorne, tell the girls some of the things y'all learn to eat."

Major Lorne glanced at her and then at the group of nervous, but determined women. "Worms, crickets, grubs, certain mosses…" he shrugged. "Not exactly tasty but life sustaining."

"Relax, ladies." Alista chuckled when several turned green. "Tonight you get MREs on the theory that you'll have at least one in your packs when you go off world from now on."

"I am not eating bugs."

"Then you're wasting my time and yours. Major, dial the gate and send Gail back."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Wait. You won't teach me anything if I won't eat bugs?" Gail exclaimed indignantly.

Alista stared coldly at her. "If you are unwilling to do what is necessary to survive then I can't teach you. You want to stay?" Alista shrugged carelessly. "Stay. You have one MRE in your pack. The marines will not give you anything to eat from their packs."

Gail glared then turned away muttering about mutants. Alista paled then felt fury bloom. She had just gone through hell to keep these people safe! She strode over to the woman, jerked her around and slapped her hard. "Say something else," she hissed dangerously. She shook her arm. "Say it to my face!"

Gail cried out and brought her free hand up to her face protectively. She stared up at Alista with fear in her eyes. Alista shoved the woman away from her.

Gail stumbled. "You can't let her hit me like that!" She complained to the marines.

Sgt. Harris stared back at her. "I'm tempted to hit you myself. Lista has proved herself over and over again and doesn't deserve your bigoted attitude."

Alista blinked back her surprise. She had expected to be ordered to release the woman not to be defended. She swept the stunned assembly. "You don't have to like me. You will show me respect. I will not tolerate snide remarks about my DNA."

She took a deep breath. "Now, speaking of packs, many of you have asked me for a list and I haven't given you much of one. The idea is to survive with what you have on you. I did say make sure you have a knife, a sterile bandage, an epi-pen, water and power bars on you – not in your rucksack – at all times."

"Why not our rucksack?"

"If you are studying ruins or what-not, do you have your rucksack on or is it lying against a wall somewhere?"

"Usually we drop them near a wall."

"Exactly. Your uniform has pockets. The largest thing I'm asking you to keep on you is the knife and canteen or water bottle those can be hooked onto your belt. If something happens, you may not have a chance to get to your rucksack. Whatever is in your pockets may be all that you end up with."

Several questioned the epi-pen stating they weren't allergic to anything. She looked around at the group her face serious. "What if someone with you is allergic? What if they die because you only thought about what you needed?" _Like Rodney._

"Now, I see some of you eyeing the strapping marines. They are here to make sure you don't die learning to survive because I haven't had time to make sure there aren't any Pegasus version cougars or bears, etc. They aren't here to keep you from breaking a nail."

Several disappointed looks flitted across female faces.

"If I ask them to demonstrate, I'm sure they'll cooperate otherwise they intervene only if your life is at stake. Cutting tree limbs, digging holes, catching and prepping food its all on you. Anyone want to go back through the Gate now's the time to do it."

No one looked exactly enthused at this point, but no one went through the Gate. Alista looked at the sullen woman she'd smacked earlier. The woman glared, but remained.

"Good. From now on when you go off world the first thing you do when you get through the Gate is scan the area. Really look at it. Think defensively; where could the enemy be hiding? If I have to run and hide which way do I go and what's a secondary route because if an enemy is the reason you've been cut off then the first thing to do is find a safe place to stop and think. So," she looked around, "find temporary shelter."

The marines held their silence while the women looked around. They were on a plateau. Behind them the Gate and several yards behind that was the edge of the plateau. Ahead of them the plateau was broad meadow that sloped down into a wooded area. The trees dotted the sides.

"Immediate cover would be the tree line." One of the women pointed to the trees at the edge of the plateau. "From there we could work our way to the woods and deeper cover."

"Very good."

"The enemy could already be in the woods."

"True, Major Lorne, what was the first thing you did when you stepped through the Gate?"

"I scanned the tree line." Evan replied. "Peterson came out next. He went right to check out the area behind the Gate. At first you have to remind yourself as you prep in the gate room eventually its habit."

"Since this trip is to teach you the basics we'll just head for the woods. We'll find a good place to camp." Alista started toward the woods with Major Lorne beside her.

"I know you were a survival coach on Earth, but where did you learn about scouting the area for enemies?" Evan asked curiously.

"I was hunted." Alista replied neutrally.

Evan shot her incredulous look. "No wonder you have an attitude towards us."

Alista sighed and ran her hand through her hair. "If it weren't for Rodney, you all couldn't have gotten me to even talk."

"So, did you really come just for the big paycheck?" Evan asked after a moment.

Alista turned slightly to stare at him. Evan met her gaze steadily. "No," she finally admitted then turned to the women.

As they traveled she pointed out tracks and how she determined how large an animal it was. Some of those tracks had the marines keeping an extra watchiful eye on their surroundings as they made camp.

After camp was set up, Alista showed them how to orientate themselves to keep from getting lost. After they seemed to get the basics, she pulled out bandanas with a grin. "Sgt Harris, Sgt Peterson, if you wouldn't mind helping?"

They glanced at Lorne before answering. "No Ma'am."

"Good. We're going to each blindfold someone and then lead them into the woods. Make it confusing, gentlemen. Get them lost. The goat is the plateau the Gate is on. Don't help unless it starts getting late."

Harris and Peterson had such fun trailing their women that Lorne and Captain Marston insisted on relieving them of the duty. Lorne had Marston take Gail because he could be certain Marston wouldn't mistreat her over earlier.

Three out of the seven women found their way out of the woods. Surprisingly, Gail was one of the three.

"Good job." Alista told her sincerely.

Gail blinked before giving a curt nod and settling down for supper. She sat as far away from Alista as possible and said nothing to anyone before going to bed.

Over the next several days, the women learned to test plants to see if they were poisonous or not, they ate things they'd never have thought they'd eat. Some of those things they would only eat after Alista and the marines did to be sure a joke wasn't being played on them. They all threw up to the amusement of the marines.

She taught them to purify water and more importantly how to find water that wasn't immediately obvious. She showed them how to shape leaves and branches so that rain water would run into containers.

They spent a day learning to build shelters and start fires. She showed them how to carve wooden bowls to cook in and how to keep them from catching on fire by either turning them frequently by the side of the fire or by keeping liquid in them, such as stew.

The day for first aid was not Alista's favorite. One of the women kept tying loose, sloppy bandages that wouldn't keep anyone from bleeding out. No matter what Alista or the other's said or did she seemed more afraid of hurting them than stopping the imaginary bleeding.

"Major Lorne," Alista finally called out, frustrated. "I need you to shoot me in the arm."

"You want me to do what?" Major Lorne asked, looking at her as if she was crazy.

"Ellen isn't going to get it right until she has to do it for real."

"But you'll heal." Ellen said.

"Not if I don't want to." Alista told her. "I bleed until you get it right or I pass out from blood loss."

"I'm not shooting you." Major Lorne said, paling slightly. "I don't care if you'll heal or not."

"Oh, come on, Major don't be so squeamish." Alista derisively.

"Have you seen how vindictive McKay can be?" Evan snapped.

"What," Alista asked icily, "does _he_ have to do with anything?"

All the marines stared at her.

"You aren't serious?" Harris finally yelped.

Alista glared at them. "You're Special Ops. You can not be afraid of a scientist." She sighed when they all remained silent. "Okay. Okay, _babies,_ give a gun I'll do it myself."

Everyone gasped.

Lorne had an image of her accidently injuring herself severely. "Fine, I'll do it, but when we get back to Atlantis everyone remember she asked me to shoot her." Major Lorne said resignedly. He sighted very carefully on the meaty portion of her upper arm and shot her.

Alista staggered and spun under the impact, biting down on the cry of pain. She clamped down on her healing ability letting the woulnd bleed. "Any day, Ellen." She ground out going to her knees as her vision dimmed, graying out the world.

Ellen stared at her in horror, frozen until another woman shoved her hard toward Alista.

"Do something," the woman hissed.

Ellen stumbled forward, gagging at the sight and smell of the blood. With trembling hands she managed to get the bandage around Alista's arm and tied off.

"Tighter," Alista growled as blood soaked the bandage and trickled down her arm.

"I…I can't...I'll hurt her."

Peterson stepped forward and shoved another bandage into her hands. "Tie it tighter or she continues to bleed."

Already exhausted from the day and several days of barely enough food, Alista moaned and collapsed to the ground on her back, cradling her arm.

"You do it," Ellen sobbed trying to give the bandage back to the marine.

Stone-faced, he stepped back away from her. "No, Ma'am, in real life there isn't always someone else to do it." Ellen glanced wildly around at the circle of men and women and then back at Alista.

Alista had paled and closed her eyes. On the second try, Ellen got the bandage in place and wrapped correctly. She pulled it tight, flinching at Alista's moan of pain and looked up at the marines. Lorne dropped to his knees and checked the bandage.

"A little tighter," he said gently.

Ellen tightened it until he nodded and then she tied it off.

"Good," Lorne patted her shoulder. "You just saved your team mate's life."

Ellen gave him a wavering smile.

Looking down at Alista, Lorne realized the girl had passed out. Great. McKay was so going to get revenge. "Okay, let's get her into her shelter and wait for her to wake up."

The women worked together to get Alista comfortable under her shelter and then moved out to the fire where they milled about unsure what to do next.

After several minutes passed where the marines made sure to keep their distance and not offer advice the women decided to divide up – several would go check the snares while others started a stew so that when Alista woke up there would be something fortifying for her to eat.


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

Six days later the entire group trudged through the Gate dirty, tired, and grumpy. The women though had a more confident air about them because they now knew that they had a chance of surviving until rescue came if the situation arose.

A very upset McKay was waiting for her. She ran a dirty hand through dirty hair and sighed as she made her way across the room. She was not in the mood for the emotional rollercoaster that he always put her on.

Lorne saw the storm brewing and decided to minimize the viewers. "Okay, everyone, post op physicals now."

The rest of his team hurried the women out of the gate room. Heading off several attempts to stay and watch the disaster unfolding.

Rodney stalked toward her, shouting. "You just leave! I come back from repairing shields while Wraith darts are flying overhead to learn that instead of resting you're out somewhere playing in the woods from Cadman of all people. You'd think a short note or something would have been left."

"Not in the mood, Rodney." She snapped as she stalked past him.

He reached for her and she phased and continued on.

"Oh, no. No. You do not get to just walk away from me!"

Alista phased back as she turned toward him. "What are you the only one allowed to do that?"

Rodney paled then sneered. "I thought we were beyond that, _Alista._"

She strode back to him and poked his chest angrily as she shouted, "I'm the one who woke up after a night of amazing sex to find you gone again and without a note to explain your absence, Buster! What do you think I thought? I should be the one yelling at you!"

"You are yelling at me!" He yelled back. "And it was an emergency. I barely had time to change clothes! Didn't someone bring you food?"

"Food? Food? You think that makes up for just disappearing? Argghhh! You drive me crazy!" She screamed. "You avoid me for days on end as is you can't stand the sight of me then you act like you're courting me again. Sometimes its like nothing ever went wrong between us. You're like a yo-yo! Could you just make up your mind whether you love me or not?" She yelled at him, her voice breaking with pain.

"Why do you think I got you brought here?" He yelled back, nonplussed.

She stared at him for a long moment. "To save people you do care about." She said wearily as the anger drained from her.

Rodney stared at her oblivious to everyone else who was watching them yelling at each other in the gate room. He closed the gap between them and cupped her face. "You think…? How dense can you be?" He snapped irritably as he gently brushed her hair back. "I've never stopped loving you. I've just recently quit being an idiot about everything else." The last was murmured against her lips as he kissed her possessively.

Those who knew what was going on sighed with relief that the two had finally worked it out. Those who didn't stared in stunned disbelief as the caustic Dr. McKay kissed Alista until she melted against him.

Finally, Sheppard yelled down at them with a grin. "Hey, you two, get a room."

Rodney pulled back and glanced up with a grin. "Best idea you've had in years, Colonel."

He tugged her into motion and settled her against his side as he steered her down the hall.

"Rodney, I need to go to the infirmary first."

"Keller can wait." Rodney replied firmly. "I am going to make certain you know exactly how I feel about you."

"I may need reminded." Alista murmured unable to really believe that he loved her still. Her heart swelled at the thought that he had just publicly declared that he loved her.

"I'll remind you every day," he murmured as the door to his quarters opened. He pulled her in and pressed her against the wall, kissing her until they both saw spots from lack of oxygen then he began undressing her.

"Peege, I'm ah…."

"Filthy, yes. Shower, sex, bed, sex, infirmary, bed, more sex."

Alista laughed lightly as he prodded her into the shower. "At some point we need to insert a real meal."

Rodney soaped his hands and began running them over her body. He had dreamed of this body for fourteen years and he was going to enjoy relearning every dip and curve. "Okay, okay. Infirmary, food, bed, more sex."

She sighed and leaned into his hands. "You always did have wonderful ideas." She kissed him, moaning as his hands worked down her body to more intimate areas and began lightly stroking. "And hands," she moaned as her orgasm hit.

She was still floating from the climax when he pressed into her. "Yes," she whispered against his neck as he took her to places only he knew how to get to.

#

Keller frowned at them when they finally made it to the infirmary. "I'm not going to make too big a deal about it considering the circumstances," she smiled understandingly at them, "and the fact that everyone else is okay, but from now on infirmary first."

"Sorry, Jennifer." Alista replied contritely.

"Hmmm, yes, well that would be more sincere if you weren't glowing and he wasn't grinning like the Cheshire Cat." Jennifer teased watching them both flush. "Hop up here and let's get this over with. How's your blood levels?"

"Fine."

"Blood levels?" Rodney gaze narrowed on her. "Why would there be something wrong with you blood levels, Ally?"

Alista flushed. "One of the women wasn't getting the first aid right until she had a real injury to attend to."

Rodney paled then flushed angrily. "What kind of injury?"

Alista averted her gaze.

"You just got out of the infirmary." Rodney berated her. "Jennifer?" Rodney turned toward the doctor. "One of you tell me now."

"She made one of the marines shoot her."

"They shot you!"

"In the arm." Alista explained. "It was nothing."

Rodney looked furious. "Who?"

"No." Alista refused to say.

Rodney glared then tapped his ear piece. "Major Lorne," he hissed. "Which one of you _shot_ Alista?"

Up in the conference room where Evan was debriefing with Carter and Sheppard, Evan paled. "Ah…uh…she did say it was her idea, right?"

"Someone shot her?" Sheppard and Carter both gaped at him.

"Yes." Rodney snarled glaring at Alista.

"And…ah…that we refused at first?" Evan winced at Sheppard's hot glare. After the coolant fiasco it was made very clear that there was to be no more injuries caused by friends.

"Major," Rodney growled.

Lorne sighed and slumped in his chair. "I did."

The click of the comm. link in the icy silence that followed was very loud.

Sheppard stared at Lorne in horrified sympathy. "You are in so much trouble."

"Yes, sir."

###

They grabbed two trays and sat out of the balcony. Rodney was still angry about Alista asking the marines to shoot her. Alista was still angry at Rodney acting as though she was a wilting flower that couldn't make her own decisions and deal with a little pain. After eating in silence for awhile Rodney looked up at her. "I looked for you once."

Alista glanced up at him startled. "You did?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "About two years later, but I couldn't find you then I began doing all this work for the military. I actually ended up in Siberia for a few years. That's where I began to really realize how stupid I'd been."

"You? In Siberia?" She let the stupid remark pass without comment. "You hate the cold."

"Yes, well, I think it was a punishment assignment. I had turned into a real egotistical jerk by then. I didn't start becoming human again until I came here." He saw real interest in her gaze so he elaborated. "Elizabeth, Dr. Weir, she treated me decently even when I was…not nice. We were at the Antarctic outpost before we discovered the Gate address for Atlantis and she and Carson actually started becoming friends there. It was like they got me like no one else had for years. They saw below the defensive pain in the ass behavior that I had perfected."

He gazed out over the ocean and Alista could see he was struggling with some heavy emotions. She wanted to reach out to him, but still she hesitated unsure of what was really going on here.

"Peege?"

"I can't believe they're both gone." His voice broke and he blinked furiously. "They both died saving people. That's who they were – quiet heroes; a brilliant doctor and negotiator."

Alista laid a hand on his arm and gently squeezed.

"When we got here, Sheppard put me on his team for some obscure John Sheppard reason even though we irritated each other." He chuckled softly. "We got each other though. He knew how to get me to do my best work and I knew that he'd protect me with his life. Then we began to talk and realized we had a lot in common and now he's my best friend."

"Along with Teyla and Ronon and Radek." Alista prompted.

Rodney flushed slightly and gave her a boyish, embarrassed smile. "I thought you and Radek were seeing each other. I couldn't stand seeing you two together laughing and talking like we did. It was eating me up inside thinking I'd really blown it for good. That you wouldn't even give me a chance."

"Radek and I are friends." Alista said softly. "He kept telling me you still cared and to give you a chance. I think he called me a cowardly chicken in Czech one time, but he never would confirm it."

Rodney laughed with her. "He's always calling me things, too. Usually when my worst characteristics are showing."

Alista moved over to the railing. "So," she said cautiously, "a second chance?"

Rodney watched her and saw she was studiously looking anywhere but at him. He moved up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, leaning his cheek against her hair. "Yes, if you can still love me after everything I did."

"I never stopped loving you." She whispered raggedly, hoping she wasn't making a colossal mistake putting her trust in him again. "I am starting to trust you again."


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

"Report!" Sheppard snapped the order out furiously. He couldn't believe this…this complete fiasco. How do you lose someone in deserted ruins on an empty world? How do you lose someone when your number one order was don't leave him alone? Don't leave him alone. Bring him back alive and preferably unharmed. Two simple orders.

The marine detail stood dejectedly before Colonel Sheppard. They had lost his scientist and now there was hell to pay. Behind him Ronon, Teyla, and Alista stood glowering.

Captain Manz flinched as he met his CO's blazing eyes. "Dr. McKay sent his team off in separate directions to study the different rooms. He was engrossed with whatever was on the console there." The captain indicated the smoking console. "I sent a marine with each group and went to scout the perimeter when I returned the console was destroyed and Dr. McKay was gone."

"Gone?" Sheppard repeated.

"Yes, Sir." Captain Manz swallowed hard.

"Gone where?" Ronon growled.

"I don't know. We searched the immediate area and then contacted Atlantis. No one else was attacked. In fact, no one else even saw anyone."

"What happened to 'Don't leave him alone; not for an instant.'?" Sheppard snarled in the Captain's face. "I believe my orders were explicit. If, in fact they were vague or hard to understand, you should let me know, Captain."

Captain Manz couldn't meet Sheppard's eyes. "He was in an interior room. The planet is deserted. I thought he'd be okay while I did a quick perimeter check, Sir."

Alista phased and started searching through the ruins. An hour later she had to admit he was nowhere in the place.

"He would not just wander off." Teyla was saying stoutly as Alista reappeared in the main room.

"Scientists are always…"

"Not McKay." Sheppard growled. "He's learned its not a good idea."

"There are several hidden tunnels. I didn't have time to follow them yet."

Sheppard's face tightened with worry. "Check them out. Keep your comm. open."

Alista nodded sharply and phased back through the wall.

The rest of them began looking for any clue as to who had taken him and where. It was nearly dark before Ronon found the tiny scratches. _Kol. _They were scraped into floor near a wall.

"Sheppard," He called out worry evident in his voice. He could see it in his head. McKay being handled roughly, stumbling, falling, and frantically trying to leave any clue he could.

"Kolya," Sheppard muttered going tense with fear for McKay. He was wound tight his entire body ready to explode into violence. He brushed past Manz. "You better hope he's okay." He threatened as he stalked out of the room.

#

It took them almost two weeks to find out where Kolya had taken McKay and to get there. Over the past two weeks she had learned many things about Kolya and the Genii and very little of it was good. She feared that they would be too late to save him.

Two weeks of worry and stress and short tempers. She had heard of Sheppard's darkness, of the way a switch flipped and he went from charming flyboy to deadly Special Ops. She hadn't really believed the stories until now. Now she saw it. She saw the way everyone except Ronon and Teyla gave him wide berth and went silent when he entered a room like small prey in the presence of a predator. She couldn't wait to see that killing ferocity turned on the people who dared to take Rodney from her.

Sheppard kept telling her they wouldn't kill him; that they wanted what was locked inside his mind too desperately, but she was still filled with dread. To have found him; to have a second chance with him and to have it yanked away by a madman would be more than she could bear. If he were dead, she knew of one way to join him and she would take it after she had killed those who had killed him. If he was dead, the entire Genii civilization would pay dearly before she joined him.

The leader of the Genii, Laden, had helped them find Kolya's secret base and had sent men to help them overtake it. Perhaps, she would show mercy on their world for this act.

Alista could hear the Genii and the marines fighting with the rebels. Teyla was with the marines fighting their way down because Alista couldn't move fast of far with three. Gunfire and shouts of pain surrounded them. She practically vibrated with fear and anger as she, Ronon and Sheppard moved deeper and deeper into the compound. Their only concern was to find Rodney and get him to safety.

Still, the two men fired off rounds as they passed by the enemy. The bullets becoming solid again as they disconnect from her. She saw the dark grins John and Ronon shared. Phased they could kill the enemy without any concern about injury themselves. Alista wanted them to kill everyone so she grinned fiercely as well.

It was exhausting, phasing both men continuously through the large compound, but she refused to stop and knew that they would have refused to rest as well. Close, they were so close to him. He was here somewhere in this huge place. She would not stop until they found him.

A garbled scream spurred them on. They phased into the room taking in the scene in one sweeping glance. Seven Genii solders were scattered throughout the room watching the entrances alertly knowing that the faint sounds of fighting was most likely Atlantis' rescue team here for McKay. Ahead and to the side was Kolya and a slumped McKay strapped into a chair.

Alista took it all in as momentum carried her forward. As they cleared the wall, she released John and Ronon and darted toward Rodney. She un-phased just long enough to touch Rodney and jerk him out of phase with her as the cruel looking man slammed a hot poker into his leg. Alista heard Rodney's garbled cry cut off as the pain he expected did not materialize.

The man looked surprised and then the gunfire and their presence registered and fear flitted across his face as his gaze landed on Sheppard. He whirled and raced out of the room while Ronon and John were busy returning fire with the soldiers. John managed to send a couple of rounds after him and Alista saw him stumble so she knew John had hit him at least once.

She turned her attention to the mangled mess that was her beloved. Tears blurred her vision as nauseousness threatened to overwhelm her as she began cataloging his injuries. The weapons fire ceased and the silence was deafening as the two men also turned toward their friend registering for the first time the severity of his condition.

McKay was covered in blood from his hair line down his bare chest to his knees. Blood puddle on the floor around the chair. Alista heard the sharp inhalation and the cursing behind her, but her attention was completely on the man in the chair. His face was mottled black and blue and yellowish green. Streaks of dried blood caked his face turning it into a garish mask. His right eye was swollen nearly shut. Worse, he was barely breathing.

Bruising showed livid on the pale skin of his neck and down his torso where they had apparently pummeled him. Split welts covered his upper body were he had been viciously whipped. Deep cuts, some just starting to scab over, covered his arms and abdomen.

His pants were cut and soaked in blood indicating that his legs had been repeating slashed. Several holes were perfectly round and the pant fabric was charred. Alista recalled the hot poker Koyla had and swallowed hard to keep from throwing up.

Rodney made a garbled noise and she raised horrified eyes to his. _How had any normal person survived so much torture? She would kill them. Kill everyone involved in this horrific act. _Shocked, pained eyes begged her silently for help, for release from the pain. She saw in his eyes that at that moment he would welcome death, but she couldn't let him go.

"Easy Rodney," John murmured, "we've got you. It's time to go home." He sliced through the bindings and Rodney slumped forward, falling into Alista's arms.

He was sobbing and shaking his head. He kept trying to say something, but nothing came out. She could feel the panic radiating off of him.

Rodney shook as tears coursed down his cheeks. They had come. He had known they would. No one could have guessed that Koyla would have done what he had done. Rodney couldn't go back to Atlantis this broken, this unfixable. They'd send him back to Earth. Alista…she wouldn't want…he couldn't do it, couldn't live like this. _He couldn't go back, not like this; not useless and mangled and broken. Just end it! Just…_

"McKay? Easy. Take a breath then try again." John rested a gentle hand on his shaking shoulder.

Rodney flinched from the touch; his head resting on Alista's belly. "I'm here. I'm not losing you now." She murmured. "Give me a minute and it'll hurt less. I promise." Her voice shook as she tried to comfort him.

Alista placed gentle hands on his head knowing she had to heal him of at least some of these injuries before they could move him. It would cost her, but she didn't consider the cost. This was Rodney, her heart, and she would throw everything she was into saving him. She reached out with her healing ability and gasped as she saw what had been done. She turned and threw up. She leaned against the wall retching as his hidden injuries became apparent to her.


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

"Alista!" John and Ronon stepped forward alarmed by her reaction. John held Rodney upright while Ronon supported her until the heaving stopped.

CHAPTER 18

"Alista!" John and Ronon stepped forward alarmed by her reaction. John held Rodney upright while Ronon supported her until the heaving stopped.

Gasping for breath, she raised horrified eyes to them. "His tongue," she whispered, crying and gagging. "They cut it out."

John and Ronon both fought their stomachs as they gazed back at her in stunned disbelief and horror. They turned to stare at Rodney unable to imagine someone actually doing something like that.

Rodney sagged, near complete collapse. He shut his eyes to blot out the looks of horror on his friends' faces.

"Kolya's going to die for this." John snarled.

Alista snarled, "Kolya? Kill them all," before turning her attention to Rodney. She began to glow softly as she began the arduous task of healing a major injury to someone else.

John's visage grew even fiercer. He touched his comm. link. "This is Sheppard. We have him. He's alive….barely. Kill them all. No mercy."

"John?" Teyla's voice came back questioningly along with the "Sir?" from several team leaders.

John glanced at the mangled body of his best friend and snarled. "They've tortured him. I've _never_ seen anything this vicious. Kill. Them. All."

"Yes, Sir," the marines replied grimly.

Teyla was silent. Ronon clicked to their private team channel. "Teyla, they cut his tongue out."

They heard her indrawn breath. "They will die." She said fiercely.

John and Ronon stood guard while quiet whimpers of pain sounded behind them. It took almost twenty minutes before Alista gave a quiet sigh. "Rodney?" She murmured tiredly. "I'm sorry its hurting so much."

"Alley…Kat." Came the quiet, pain-filled reply. A soft sound of fabric rustling filled the quiet as he shifted against her slightly. Rodney shuttered at the memory of Kolya's evil grin. "No apology. Doesn't hurt much."

"_Can't you shut up? Even tied and beaten that mouth keeps flapping."_

"_And yet you people never seem to listen. WMDs are **not **a good idea. They tend to backfire with atrocious results."_

"_I'm tired of listening to you yap, Dr. McKay." A wicked knife had appeared in Kolya's hand. "I think I'll take care of that problem right now so no one will ever have to listen to your annoying voice again."_

"Can we go yet?" John asked nervously.

"No." They both replied tiredly. There was no way he could walk on his own yet and no way he could bear being lugged by Sheppard and Ronon.

"I need to get his ribs at least starting to mend before he begins moving or he'll puncture a lung and walking will be…quite difficult." Alista said trying to be tactful about some of his injuries that still threatened her stomach. How could anyone be this sadistic?

"We need to blow this place up." Rodney said feebly as he leaned back in the chair, gray with exhaustion. He knew when the pain lessened and the shock wore off he would also be embarrassed about his state, but for now he was just exhausted - mentally, physically, emotionally.

"Rodney, I understand revenge, but you're in no shape…"

"No. The stuff they're working on here. It needs to be destroyed." Rodney paled even more and he shut his eyes. "He wants to rule Pegasus and he is developing WMDs."

"Fine. Ronon will get you to the jumper and…."

"No." Rodney raised pain filled eyes to John. Hate shown bright in them. "Alista will get me there with C-4. You did bring C-4?"

"Yes, but…"

"Sheppard." Ronon cut him off. "He needs to do it."

John's mouth tightened. "He's in no shape to do it." He snapped the rage at what had been done to his best friend boiling up and making his voice harsh.

"I will get him there and back." Alista vowed. Her hands had ghosted down to his ribs and were already glowing as she began mending them.

"John," Teyla's voice cut over their comms. "How is he? What is going on? Where are you?"

John could hear the thick worry mixed with tiredness and something he couldn't place. "Alista is healing him as much as she can. He can talk now." Teyla's cry of relieve made John pause and swallow his own thick lump of relief. "Kolya is still on the loose."

"I will not miss if I see him." Teyla vowed.

Alista looked at John. "Let me find him." She said fiercely. She knew through her ability the injuries that John and Ronon couldn't see and if she found the man responsible he'd find out just how ruthless a mutant could be.

John shivered at the inhuman look in her eyes. Hate and vengeance shown from her eyes just as brightly as they did in his and Ronon's. He wondered how many injuries McKay had that Alista wasn't telling them about. He remembered her first day when she had coldly stated how easy it would be to kill and they couldn't stop her. He doubted Kolya would survive an encounter with Alista. There was a reason normal people feared mutants and right now that reason was shining brightly in her eyes. She was going to exact revenge from Kolya and there was nothing anyone could do to stop her.

The pain from his tongue was fading and his ribs were a dull ache now. The throbbing in his back and abdominal area was slowly fading as Alista healed whatever internal organs Kolya and his men had damaged, but it still hurt to move and he knew walking was going to be an exercise in torture. He would destroy the labs regardless of the agony involved and regain a small portion of his dignity.

He looked up at the woman he had loved for more than half his life and felt deep sorrow. Thanks to the monster, Kolya he would never be able to love her physically, but he had discovered in the midst of extreme torture that he truly loved her wholeheartedly. It was thoughts of her – her laugh, her gentle touch, her fierce spirit that had helped him endure. He overcame the last remnants of doubt about her abilities and realized fully that her abilities didn't make her inhuman or a freak; they were just a part of her. A part that he loved as much as he loved the rest. His love for her had kept him from giving in or giving up.

Alista sagged back from him. "Better?" She asked raggedly, barely about to stay upright. She was almost as exhausted looking from healing him as he was.

"Are you kidding? Immensely better. Ready to go kick ass." He growled exhaustedly, trying for bravado he didn't really feel for their sakes.

Ronon helped him gently to his feet where he swayed dazedly before looking around. "Laptop. Here somewhere." He ground out from clenched teeth as pain ripped through his body. He gasped and struggled for breath until he felt Alista's healing hands on him and the tight burning bands around his lungs relaxed.

"Rodney, why did Kolya do this?" John waved a hand at him, horror and shocked disbelief bleeding through the fierce need for retribution.

Rodney stared at him for a moment almost too exhausted and pain-wracked to form a response. "Biological weapons. I told him no way, no how. Called this persuasion." He waved a limp hand at his body and almost toppled over.

John stepped forward and put a hand out to gently right his friend. He was afraid to grasp too tightly for fear of hurting him more. Rodney leaned against him breathing heavily as he tried to hide exactly where the most excruciating pain was emanating from. He felt Alista touch his back and felt the white hot agony fade to something a little more tolerable.

"Stop," he murmured. "You're gray with exhaustion."

"I will not let you suffer." Alista fussed back.

Ronon found his laptop and handed it to him making sure he had a firm grip on it before letting go. John took the C-4 and put it in Alista's small pack. "You know how to use this, right?"

"Yes."

John nodded. "We'll clear up the stragglers as we head back to the jumper. Half hour and I'm coming after you two." He clicked his comm. open. "I want this place laced with C-4. I want it reduced to rubble. Wait for my signal to blow it."

"Yes, Sir," came replies heavy with vicious pleasure.

Alista nodded. "You know where we're going?" She asked Rodney.

"Yes." He said succinctly. _Oh yes. He had been dragged down there everyday for a reasonable request for helpful information before being dragged to this room since he was being unreasonably stubborn._

She reached for his hand entwining their fingers; they began to shimmer. "Lead the way."

Rodney took a few steps gingerly before setting his jaw and firming up his stride. Phased it didn't seem to hurt quite so much; a small mercy that he was very grateful for. Slowly they walked through the wall and disappeared.

As they made their way through the complex, Rodney kept hearing an odd sound. Phasing gave everything an odd quality that made things hard to identify. Looking back, he saw Alista had a gun and was methodically shooting everyone that came into view whether they were armed or not. He stopped and stared at her in shock.

She stared back at him letting him see the hate, the rage, the horror she felt at what they had done to him. Here before him was the mutant that he feared all those years ago. What all normals feared: a mutant that was hard if not impossible to stop that was killing with no remorse. No, he said to himself firmly. _No, he had believed the media, believed that mutants were unfeeling killers of normals. She was definitely not unfeeling and she had adamantly refused to kill anyone in any mission until this one. She was killing because they had tortured him, but so were his team and the marines on John's orders._

He gave a short nod and started moving again. They stopped in an empty room and she released his hand long enough to change the ammo clip. Her hands trembled with fatigue, but the rage she felt kept her going on adrenaline alone. Jennifer would have a nice bag of high octane glucose waiting for her back on Atlantis.

"Ally Kat?"

She looked up at him with cold, hard eyes. "I know what all they did to you." She said thickly. "They won't ever do this to anyone else."

He flushed at the mention of what he had endured. Seeing the cold fury in her eyes, he shivered. He reached for her hand. "We're almost there." He hurt – everywhere. Exertion had reopened several wounds and his legs were on fire.

She took his hand and sent healing through him taking away the worst of the pain and stopping the bleeding.

"Stop Ally, you need to conserve your strength." He said gently cupping her face with a shaking hand. "You're pale as a ghost."

"You hurt so much." She sobbed, hurt for him breaking through the cold anger momentarily. "I want to take it all away."

"This I can handle." He said. Terror flickered across his face. "He cut…." He swallowed against the sickening memory of losing his tongue and drew a shuddering breath. "Let's get this done so Jennifer can give me the good drugs and knock me out for a few days."

It wasn't long before they entered a room full of equipment. She released his hand and followed as he slowly limped up to one machine and began connecting his laptop. He frowned in concentration as he typed commands into the system to wipe the databases clean. If anything was left working after they blew it up, no one would get anything out of it.

Exhausted, Alista leaned over a work station and shut her eyes for a second. She had been phasing with other people for almost two hours straight then the complex and intensive healing she'd done on him not to mention keeping him from bleeding out of various other injuries on the way here had sapped nearly all her energy. She rested her head in her hands.

Suddenly, the world exploded in pain as something collided with the back of her head. She collapsed in a heap on the floor soundlessly.

Rodney whirled from where he was beginning to place C-4 under the workstations at the small thud. He saw Alista on the floor and Kolya standing over her with a look of maniacal glee on his face. He stared, frozen, as Kolya fired his gun repeatedly into her body.

"Ally! No!" Rodney shouted as her body bucked with the impacts.


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

Kolya jerked around shock open on his face for a moment before the mask descended. "How?" He stared at McKay. He had silenced him!

Rodney clamped his mouth shut and backed away from the madman. Grief and fear coiling within him. _Alista! How long for her to recover? Without the glucose it could be days. How long before Sheppard came looking for them? _ Kolya slowly advanced until he had Rodney backed against a wall. There was no way to hide the fearful trembling so he didn't even try. Koyla knew how frightened he was of him.

"Where are your bodyguards, Dr. McKay? I can't believe Sheppard would leave you unprotected. Not after finding you in this condition. I'm surprised you can stand, but I really want to know how you can talk."

Rodney just stared at him, tears spilling down his face. Alista! Was she too exhausted from healing him to heal herself? Had Kolya killed her?

Rodney was trembling so violently from blood loss and, to be honest, terror that he could barely stand. Hate filled him at the thought of Alista dead by this man. "I won't let you get away with this." He waved a shaking hand around the lab.

"You are in no condition to stop me, Doctor." Kolya lowered his gun and pulled a knife from his belt as he advanced toward Rodney. "In fact, I had so much fun these past few days," he traced the knife over Rodney's jaw, "I think I may take you with me instead of killing you."

Rodney shook at the feel of the steel blade on his face. His eyes darted nervously searching for a weapon and he saw movement behind Kolya. Alista slowing rolling over and struggling to her hands and knees; blood dripped to the floor as she labored to breath. As slow as she was moving, her energy levels had to be nearly depleted.

Kolya saw the flicker and smiled. "I don't know how she managed the trick earlier, but she is quite dead."

Rodney's gaze darted back to Kolya. He didn't know about her abilities! Time. He had to give her time to recover. "Sheppard is just outside. He won't let you take me anywhere."

Kolya's smile widened. "We won't be going out the front door. How long do you think I can play with you this time before he hunts you down again?"

Alista staggered to her feet and lurched toward the man who had mutilated Rodney; the man who had hurt him before. This was the same man who had let a Wraith feed on John. He was a sadistic madman and she wouldn't let him harm anyone else.

She flung herself at him phasing as she collided so the momentum carried them forward through Rodney. She felt them slide through Rodney and knew she was nearing the end of her rope. She had to keep enough energy to phase them safely out of here, but it was getting close so close to the limit of her capacity to use her abilities.

Rodney squeaked and dodged sideways as Kolya and Alista fell through him. That was just weird! He could feel them slide through him like a faint itch that he couldn't scratch. He shivered hard and the feeling passed, but he felt dread take its place. You shouldn't feel Alista when she was phased. It was a sign of how drained she was and he worried what would happen when she ran out of energy.

They landed partially in the wall. "I am going to leave you in this wall you sadistic butcherer. This is for hurting the one I love." She saw his eyes widened as she let go and rolled sideways. Slowly she clambered to her feet; stepping away from the wall, she quit phasing and stared down at the now solid body whose head and shoulders were inside the wall. "You aren't going anywhere." She snarled before collapsing to her knees.

"Ally?" Rodney staggered toward her.

She waved him off. They were both at the end of their reserves. "Finish." She didn't want him to realize that she had halted her body's healing to reserve energy to get them out of here and to heal him in the jumper.

She felt his hand rest gently on her head for a moment before he moved off to finish placing the charges. She noticed how gingerly he walked and knew his hidden wounds were hurting again.

He placed a charge on Kolya's belly and moved to her side. "Finished."

She sighed and struggled to her feet and reached for his hand. "Let's blow this joint."

He grinned in spite of the fiery pain. "Ah, how far do we need to be?"

She just looked at him. "Do it now."

"Now?"

"I want to see him." She began phasing them. "Now."

He pressed the button right before he completely phased. He automatically flinched as the room exploded around them. He felt a surge of glee as Kolya's body exploded. She tugged his hand and they walked slowly out of the room.

They paused on their way out to use the extra C-4 to blow up as much of the complex as possible. They came across other charges planted by the marines. They were leaning against each other, barely staying on their feet when they exited the building as close to the jumper as possible.

"What took you so long?" Sheppard asked frantically as they staggered into the jumper.

Alista held them phased until the back hatch closed then she released Rodney and they would have both collapsed if Teyla and John hadn't caught them. Teyla's shocked gaze traveled over Rodney's bloody face and clothes before shifting to her shirt with the bullet holes in it. She lowered Alista to the bench and noted worriedly that woman was not healing. Blood continued to slowly seep into her shirt.

"Kolya." Rodney shuddered helplessly as pain and exhaustion and terror all crashed in on him. "He's dead." He informed them as John gently lowered him to the bench. He bit down on the whimper of pain that clawed at his throat.

Sheppard clicked his comm. link. "They're out." A moment later a series of muffled booms sounded and the complex Rodney had been kept in collapsed in on itself. Dust billowed up obscuring the sky.

Faces grim Sheppard, Ronon and Teyla turned toward Rodney and Alista and waited for an explanation. "You're sure he couldn't escape?" Sheppard asked.

"I shoved him in the wall." Alista said when it became apparent Rodney wasn't going to say anything else. "And then Rodney stuck C-4 on him."

"So no way he escaped this time." John said with a nod. "The rest can wait. Let's get you both to the infirmary."

They got Rodney as comfortable as possible and then John took off flying as fast as possible for the Gate. The other jumper full of marines had already left. The Genii had made their way back to the Gate as soon as the fighting was over. As soon as he established a connection, he said, "We need a trauma team to meet us in the bay. McKay is in very critical shape and Alista is actually bleeding from several wounds herself."

He could hear the orders going out and then he heard Dr. Keller's concerned voice. "Colonel Sheppard, what else can you tell me about their conditions?"

Sheppard and Ronon traded glances. No need to mention what had been fixed, yet. "We need a private line." He wasn't going to broadcast McKay's litany of injuries to everyone on the base. He could almost see the surprise and fear on their faces before he received acknowledgement that they were now on a private line. "Alista healed the….worst of the injuries. As bad as he's been beaten, he has to have a concussion, right eye swollen shut, one big bloody bruise from head to waist at least, broken ribs, most likely internal injuries if the deep bruising is any indication, cuts, burns and welts all over his body. Keller, he was whipped – viciously. His chest and back are lacerated badly."

Sheppard paused to gather his thoughts and settle his stomach and Ronon added. "We know there are injuries that neither of them are telling us about. He's lucky to be alive."

"Bruised liver and kidney," Alista whispered from behind them leaving Rodney in Teyla's care for a moment. "I…I couldn't completely heal them."

Sheppard grimly passed the information on to Keller.

Keller's voice was shaky with shock. "And Alista?"

Ronon turned to survey her. "Looks like at least five bullet holes in her shirt and she's still bleeding."

"We'll be waiting in the bay with a full triage unit for both of them." Keller said grimly and signed off.

Alista shuffled back to Rodney and folded down onto her heels. Tears streaked down Teyla's face as she tenderly washed the dried blood from his face and torso. "Dr. Keller will heal him." She said in a watery voice. "He will be fine. Jennifer will…" She swallowed hard and blinked back a fresh wave of tears.

Alista shut her eyes since her vision was blurring and placed a hand on his belly. "Yes. I will do what I can before we get there." She wasn't sure how much she had left to give, but give it she would. The injuries inflicted on his manhood would be healed before anyone saw them because she knew this man and knew that for Keller and the nurses to see the mangled mess that it was now would mortify him.

Taking a deep breath she lowered her head and sent out her healing ability. She felt a twinge deep inside her that she'd never felt before and knew instinctively that it was a warning. She ignored it. In her mind's eye, she saw the deep cuts and slashes and began mending his torn flesh.

Tears fell unheeded at the thought of how much excruciating pain he had endured and she was glad that she had killed the monster that had caused his agony. People treated mutants like they were monsters, but she didn't know any that would do something as hideous as this! How could you inflict such damage, such pain?

Slowly, his flesh knitted and smoothed. The twinge became a constant ache that grew as she continued to press onward. She shifted her attention to the ragged holes and burns on his sacs. How he had managed to walk while in such pain she'd never know. She would not let any one see the indignities he had been made to suffer.

Pain flared inside her and she gritted her teeth. _A little more! There! _She let go and slid bonelessly to the floor of the jumper.

Teyla saw her brace against pain. She had thought it did not hurt for Alista to use her abilities. Perhaps because she was injured herself and was refusing to let her body heal? Alista's face went alarmingly white then she collapsed on the floor. Teyla dropped to her side. A quick check found a fluttering pulse and she hurriedly placed her on the opposite bench covering her with the spare blanket. "We need to hurry." She said grimly to Sheppard. "Alista has passed out and I can barely find a pulse."

.


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

As soon as Sheppard set the jumper down, Teyla opened the hatch and stepped aside. Keller's team rushed in. Keller froze momentarily when she saw the mangled, bloody mess that was suppose to be Rodney McKay. She was a trauma surgeon and had seen accident victims missing body parts, but this…this intentional mutilation was almost too much; too much when she knew the person.

She swallowed hard to settle her rebellious stomach and started issuing orders. _This was the state he was in after Alista had healed the worst of the injuries? _A portable scanner was set up over the unconscious man and Keller frowned at the results that began showing up. In addition to the injuries that Sheppard had listed his brain was showing some bruising as well as a hairline fracture in his right cheekbone. He did indeed have broken ribs that were barely beginning to mend. His liver and kidney showed deep bruising that was cause for concern. The scanner slid over his legs revealing cuts deep into the muscle tissue and burns that went deep into his flesh.

"Let's get him onto the gurney and get an I.V. drip going with an antibiotic and a glucose drip. We don't when he last ate and we don't need to deal with hypoglycemic shock on top of everything else. If this is what she left unhealed, I'll want to know what she did heal as soon as possible."

Sheppard gave her a terse nod as she moved to the side and the med techs very gently lifted him to the gurney and slid the I.V. in. They all looked shocked at his condition and were extremely careful not to jar the unconscious man as they hurried him to the infirmary.

As soon as they cleared the jumper the second team was in to get Alista. Keller moved to check on the woman's condition. The sight of unhealed wounds frightened her. Alista had told her once that the only way her body wouldn't heal itself when she was unconscious was is if she had utterly depleted her energy reserves. It was the one thing she wasn't clear if she'd come back from or not. It might be the only thing besides being beheaded that she couldn't recover from.

"Get the special glucose drip going now! Open it wide. She needs energy." Keller snapped. They knew her body somehow converted sugar and carbs into the energy needed to heal and phase and had created a special store of drips for her that had twice the glucose that normal drips had.

Scanning she saw the partially healed wounds to the heart and intestines and stomach. The perforations were leaking acid into her body cavity. Not good. This was so far from good that if she didn't have the ability to heal she'd have been dead before the reached Atlantis.

She looked up at Ronon and Sheppard. "Looks like she was shot twice in the lower abdominal area, once in the upper and twice in the heart. She's only partially healed - barely enough to keep her alive and she's leaking into her abdominal cavity. A normal person would be dead already. She's fairly certain utter depletion would kill her. If that's true, we'll be lucky to save her." Keller frowned grimly as she bandaged the wounds.

At her nod, the medics lifted her onto the gurney and wheeled her out of the bay. Rushing her toward the infirmary just barely behind McKay.

Keller turned to the two men. "Tell me you got the person who did this."

John nodded. "Kolya."

"Alista phased him into a wall and McKay planted C-4 on him." Ronon told her.

"Good." She said fiercely, her lips pressed tightly together to keep from crying at the condition of her two friends.

Together the four of them hurried to the infirmary.

#

Ronon, Teyla and Sheppard were in the conference room with Carter being debriefed. They had told them how Alista had phased all three of them into the complex. The other marines and Genii had launched an assault while they had used the life sign detector to track McKay's sub dermal transmitter. They had made a beeline for him killing everyone whose path they crossed so Kolya wouldn't be alerted to their presence. They had been working their way into the complex for half an hour before the word had spread that there was intruders. They were almost to McKay's signal when they had heard an inhuman scream of agony; a scream that repeated over and over again.

Alista had grabbed them and took off running ignoring everyone around them as she headed for Rodney who was obviously being tortured.

They had been relying on Kolya needing Rodney in decent shape to work, but apparently something had gone wrong. They had entered the room at an angle to Kolya and McKay and Alista had released them and surged forward to phase Rodney to stop the torture.

John and Ronon killed the soldiers in the room, but Kolya had ran as soon as he saw them. John was sure they injured him though.

At this point, John handed Carter a small trash can.

"You'll need it." Ronon rumbled at her perplexed look.

John clenched his jaw and swallowed hard fighting the need to puke himself. The devastated, helpless look in McKay's eyes; the garbled sounds of pain; and the silent begging to just put him out of his misery all combined into a helpless fury in John's gut. Finally, he got it out. "Kolya cut his tongue out."

Carter stared at him processing what he had said then she puked.

"His…his tongue?" Carter swallowed convulsively and thought she'd puke again, but she didn't. "Why didn't you…"

"Alista healed him; re-grew it."

"She what?"

"That is why she was so drained." Teyla said quietly her eyes round and her face pale.

"So he's okay now?" Carter asked stunned.

"No! He is not okay!" John snapped then grimaced. "Sorry, Colonel." He closed his eyes seeing the image that would haunt his sleep for weeks to come. "If you'd have seen him…" He shuddered. "Covered in his own blood from his hair to his knees. The only thing not mutilated it seems was his hands."

"Koyla was using a hot poker on him when we arrived. No one had better call McKay a coward again." Ronon rumbled. "He withstood days of torture instead of helping Kolya."

Teyla sat silently and wept for her dear friend. She had been busy killing those involved and had not seen him before Alista had healed him. Hearing it now, seeing the devastated look in John and Ronon's faces was enough to break her heart.

"What did Kolya want so bad?" Carter asked still shaken. _McKay who complained about hangnails and paper cuts lasted days through of being tortured? Sheppard had told her before that it was when he wasn't complaining that you had to check on him, but she hadn't believed him. Many times she'd wished he'd shut up, but to actually cut..._ Her stomach roiled and she pressed her hand to her mouth.

"Biological weapons. That's all Rodney told us."

"He said their research needed to be destroyed and Alista was too exhausted to phase all of us so she took him and we cleared the way to the jumper. Kolya caught them in the lab and hit Alista from behind and apparently shot her five times before advancing on McKay. The details are sketchy since they both passed out, but Alista apparently shoved him into the wall and let go and then McKay placed C-4 on him and blew him up."

"Wow." Carter looked impressed.

John nodded grimly. "Just a warning - torture changes a person. Don't expect McKay to be the same."

Carter nodded solemnly. "I know. We'll be here for him."

"If we're done, we'd like to get back to the infirmary." John said. "Neither of them are out of the woods yet. Jennifer said Alista was close to being utterly depleted and that's one thing Alista herself isn't sure she'd survive." John explained at Carter's questioningly look.

"Yes, yes, of course. I'm coming too." Carter stood up and they all headed for the infirmary.

#

They waited almost another hour before Keller showed up. She approached them tiredly. Ronon slid an arm around her and she leaned against him a moment before straightening up. She knew it wasn't completely professional, but she needed his strength and she had a feeling that he needed her comfort if only for a brief second. Tonight they would find comfort with each other.

"We've stitched his eye and the worst of the cuts, wrapped his ribs, and bandaged the rest. His legs have some bad gashes and burns, but he should heal just fine. What worries me the most is the bruised kidneys and liver. If everything goes okay the next twelve hours then he should be fine, but they don't look good. Failure is a very real possibility at the moment."

Carter looked at Sheppard. "Tell her."

John frowned. He hated saying it. He nearly puked every time. "They had cut out his tongue. Alista re-grew it."

"What? "Why didn't you tell me? I can't believe you didn't mention this." Keller paled and turned and hurried to McKay's bedside. _How much worse did this get?_

They all followed her. She had gently opened the unconscious man's mouth and was examining his tongue with a pen light. She sighed. "Looks as good as new. I would never have been able to tell."

She leveled John with a severe stare. "Anything else I should know about?"

"Alista did a lot of healing in the jumper. We don't know what she healed. They were both closed mouthed about some of his injuries."

Keller frowned. "Well, I'll just wait until one them wakes up."

"How is Alista?" Teyla asked.

Keller shook her head. "It doesn't look good. She has five gun shot wounds, four of which are serious, two to the heart that she has barely begun to heal. She's losing blood. Not a lot, but…" She shrugged helplessly. "It looks as though she consciously refused to let her body heal and now she doesn't have the energy."

"She used her energy on McKay. She passed out in the jumper healing him." Teyla informed her. "I barely found a pulse."

Keller ran a hand through her hair. "Her pulse is still very weak. We repaired the other wounds as best as we could, but opening her chest to get to her heart would probably be too much trauma and kill her. So it's a waiting game with her. She told me once that if she wasn't healing then she was utterly depleted and most likely near death. We've got two double glucose drips going so I'm cautiously optimistic."

#

The next day they found her slumped at Rodney's bedside softly glowing.

"Alista!" Anna pulled her away from him and the glow faded.

"No," she moaned. "He hurts; can't lose him. Can't…" She sobbed, struggled briefly then she fell unconscious. The wound in her side was bleeding where she had pulled stitches getting to Rodney. Obviously, she was still refusing to expend much energy on herself.

Anna and another nurse got her back into bed and at Keller's terse instructions restrained her assuming she wouldn't have the energy to phase out of them.

Rodney's kidneys and liver were once again healthy. Keller breathed a sigh of relief that Rodney would most likely make it now, but she knew that Alista was going to die if she didn't stop depleting herself.

#

Late on Day Two Keller saw her phase out of the restraints, pass Laura Cadman who was sleeping next to her bed, and stumble toward Rodney.

Rodney, who was never left alone, was currently being watched over by John. If it wasn't John, Ronon or Teyla, it was Colonel Carter or Radek. Some of his scientists came and sat with him, working silently on their laptops while shooting worried glances at their unconscious boss. A few marines actually stopped in to check on him. Keller had no idea the man was so well liked and she would bet he didn't either.

Keller held out a hand, warning John off and waited for her to un-phase at his bedside before stepping between them. "No. He'll be fine. Its you we're all worried about."

"What use is my abilities if I can't help the one I love?" Alista cried out in anguish at his condition. "I can't bear him hurting like this!"

"How will he feel if he wakes up to find you've died?" John asked harshly.

Keller sighed when Alista paled further. "I'll make you a deal. You spend tonight healing yourself, especially your internal injuries, and then tomorrow night I won't stop you from sitting with him."

Alista weaved exhaustedly and looked past her at Rodney's battered face and bandaged body. "Okay," she whispered and collapsed to the floor.

#

On Day Three Rodney woke briefly. "Ally Kat?" He murmured looking around.

"She's still resting." John said sitting forward.

"She's…she's okay?" Rodney looked at him panicked and needing reassurance.

"Yeah," John fudged the truth.

Rodney shut his eyes. "She was so tired. He…he shot her. Five times." Tears tracked down his face. "Thought she was truly dead. She didn't move for so long."

"Keller says she just needs to rest." John's voice was rough.

Having been convinced to heal herself, Alista had sunk into a coma-like state and her body was sucking down the glucose. All her injuries were healed and the blood and acid leaks in her abdominal cavity had been absorbed or neutralized or something, John wasn't quite sure except that it was no longer an issue.

Rodney let his eyes drift shut again.

John was glad he hadn't asked how much time had passed. Three days would have worried him and Rodney did not need to stress his body any more.

#

It was mid-day on Day Four when Alista woke up and made her way to Rodney's side. Everyone knew of Keller's deal and no one tried to stop her even though she was shaky and gaunt. She stared down at him. His face was still mottled and ugly black/ green/ yellow mass. The cut on his eye was scabbed and his eyelid still puffy. His torso was covered in white bandages.

She was so tired. Glucose helped her heal, but did little for her physical energy levels. She needed to lie down. She studied the bed then slowly shifted the sheets, frowning at the bandages on his upper legs, and settled down next to him with a sigh. She carefully laid her head on his uninjured shoulder and rested her hand on his hip.

Rodney felt someone next to him and groggily cracked open an eye. Turning his head slightly, he saw Alista laying next to him. Confused, he stroked her back gently. He always slept better with her there. She sighed contentedly and settled deeper into sleep. With a slight smile, Rodney shut his eyes and fell asleep.


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

"I went to the bathroom and came back and she was there." Teyla waved a hand at the sleeping pair helplessly. Alista was glowing faintly as she healed Rodney even in her sleep.

"We couldn't keep her away from him." Keller said to Sheppard as he eyed the couple askance.

John crossed his arms. His eyebrows drew together in displeasure. "Did you try restraints? She needs to conserve energy not keep expending it."

"Yes, Colonel. I did." Keller retorted testily. "She phased through them and came down here. I made her a deal. Heal herself and then she could be near him." Keller smiled slightly. "I didn't mean this though." She waved at the two people sleeping in the hospital bed.

"I hope not." Sheppard shook his head then he grinned evilly and reached into his pocket and pulled out a digital camera and snapped a picture.

"Colonel!"

"Blackmail. You never know when it comes in useful with McKay."

"Come on. Let's leave them alone. At this point at least I'm sure she'll survive."

#

Rodney blinked slowly bringing the world into focus. Well, as focused as it would get without coffee. His body tensed as memories of being tortured filtered into his consciousness. _When would the next round begin? Would Kolya have the knife or the poker? When was Sheppard going to get around to rescuing him?_

Soft, female voices registered on his consciousness. His mind slowly processed the sounds and smells and sights of the infirmary driving away the terror of the moment before. Safe, that was the next thought that allowed him to relax against the pillows. The quiet sounds became comforting instead of threatening.

He blurrily studied the tile above him and listened to the beeping sounds. The infirmary. That piece of information brought home the aches and pains he felt in his face, chest, belly and legs. He groaned softly as his multitude of aches made themselves known in varying degrees of pain.

Wait! If he was in the infirmary, hurt, why was someone sleeping next to him? He glanced down and saw Alista snuggled against his side. Memory came back in bits and pieces. Being captured, Kolya's invitation to join them, the offer of high position and practically anything he wanted, his refusal. Okay maybe he could have refused a little more nicely because next came the 'persuasion' - the first round of torture. He barely remembered Alista re-growing his tongue, the C-4, Alista being shot and Kolya being definitely killed.

He thought he had dreamed her crawling into bed next to him, but here she was sleeping beside him. He hadn't realized how much he had_ missed _her next to him until she was back. He heard the curtain rustle and looked up to see John grinning at him.

"Hey, Buddy! You're finally awake!"

"Finally? How long?"

"This would be day five."

"Five? You mean I slept through my entire infirmary stay?" They had never had to stay more than five days.

"I doubt you'll be getting out today." John said softly so as not to wake Alista.

"What? More than five days? She can't do that!" Rodney yelped even as he wondered at the haunted look in his best friend's eyes.

"So he's well enough to begin complaining." Keller arrived to smile down at him.

He glared at her until his eye hurt. "How long do you intend to keep me here?" He asked plaintively.

"Well, your kidneys and liver are okay thanks to Alista here and your eye is healing nicely. Your concussion is almost healed, but the wounds on your abdomen keep trying to get an infection and a couple of injuries on your legs aren't healing as well as I would like so I'd say another four days then we'll see."

"Four days!" Rodney yelped then flinched as pain flared in his face. "Ow!"

"Yeah, you're still a lovely green and yellow." John told him.

Suddenly, Rodney looked concerned. "Why isn't she waking up? We aren't being that quiet."

"She keeps exhausting herself healing you." John said bluntly.

"What? Get her away so she can rest and get better!" Rodney cast a frantic look at them and tried to push her out of the bed.

John stopped him. "Pushing her onto the floor won't help, Rodney."

"We can't. She keeps making her way back." Keller said softly. "We at least got her to finish healing herself."

"Finish healing…" Rodney's face lost color as he remembered her dripping blood on the floor after Koyla shot her. Rodney got a stubborn look and shook her. "Alista, wake up."

"Rodney!" John exclaimed. "She needs to sleep."

Rodney shot him a look and nudged her again. He groaned as his body protested the movement.

"Ro'ney?" Alista mumbled sleepily.

"Yes, wake up."

Alista blinked and struggled to wake up. "What? What's wrong?" She mumbled as her hands began to ghost over him.

He grabbed her hand wincing as the movement pulled his ribs. "Don't take this the wrong way because believe me I love having you next to me, but you can't stay."

"What? Why?" Alista blinked confused.

"You keep spending what little energy you get on healing me and you aren't getting any rest."

"Won't. Promise. Just..stay." She snuggled back against him with a sigh.

"Alista!" Rodney snapped.

"Don't heal." She mumbled. "Just sleep. Got it, Peege." She clutched the bottom of his scrub top.

Rodney sighed and shut his eyes in surrender.

"See," Keller said, vindicated.

Rodney huffed and looked at Keller and Sheppard. "Well, if I have to stay here, can I at least eat?"

"Yes, of course. If you feel like eating, that's a good sign."

John jumped up grateful for something useful to do. "I'll be back with your favorites." He grinned and patted Rodney's lower leg before hurrying out.

Rodney looked after him puzzled at the excessive show of affection.

"We almost lost you." Keller said quietly. "You've had quite a few visitors."

Rodney transferred his gaze to her.

"Your kidneys and liver were in bad shape not to mention the massive amount of trauma you endured. Add in shock, blood loss and your hypoglycemia and we were up against tremendous odds."

She twitched the covers around Alista. "We fussed at her for healing you every time we turned around, but to be honest your kidneys would have probably started shutting down if she hadn't healed them."

Rodney looked down at Alista. How stupid had he been to walk out on her?

"Very stupid." Keller said softly.

Rodney looked up startled and realized he had spoken out loud. He flushed.

Keller coughed. "Speaking of healing, I hear that she healed several injuries before you got here. Mind telling me what they were. Besides, the, ah, tongue." She shivered and looked ill.

Rodney looked ill as well. "She didn't tell you?"

"She hasn't been awake to tell us."

Rodney's face closed up. "They're healed. It doesn't matter."

"I need to know, Rodney. What if there are complications? She was exhausted."

"If they didn't show up on the scan then they're completely healed." He shut his eyes relieved to be spared that indignity. "I'm really tired, Keller. I should rest."

Keller made a sound of frustration. "I'll let it go for now, but I will need to know eventually." She twitched the curtain closed behind her.

#

"Your report isn't complete." Carter said calmly. Rodney could ramble on in great detail when he was excited about an idea or a project, but he could be just as vague when he wished to be. And on the subject of what Koyla had done to him he was being extremely vague.

"Yes, it is." Rodney replied succinctly as he continued to type on his laptop.

"It isn't and you know it, McKay." Carter glanced around the room looking for patience somewhere. It amazed her how the extremely precise McKay could be so….sloppy.

McKay pushed away from his desk and stared at her. "Why the morbid curiosity? Why does everyone need to know every detail of what he did? I do believe my medical files are quite explicit."

"And we all know there are injuries that were healed before you reached the infirmary."

He had been released from the infirmary, but limited to his room, the mess, and the team's quarters. Supposedly, keeping him out of the lab would allow him to rest and finish recuperating. The bruising had faded away and the injuries were healed. He still tired easily although he didn't like admitting it so he carped about the restrictions, but didn't try to circumvent them.

"There are psychological issues with any…torture situation, McKay. If we don't know what he did, then we can't predict how you'll react when you finally begin to deal with what happened."

Something clicked inside Rodney. "React? You want to know how I'll react?" Rodney shouted as he swept everything off his desk onto the floor. "The man cut my tongue out because he found my voice annoying, Sam! How am I supposed to react?"

Carter twitched at the sudden violence. She had never seen Rodney physically violent before. Oh, he could yell and argue with the best, but physical violence? No, he tended to shrink from physical violence.

"He very clinically and with great pleasure mutilated me over the course of several days because I refused to give him weapons to destroy worlds!" He heaved the desk over it landed with a loud crash. "And after he shot Alista, he offered to take me with him to do torture me again because it all such great fun!"

Carter stepped back from the unrestrained rage emanating from Rodney. His face was red and scrunched up as he continued to trash the room around her. He grabbed a laptop and flung it across the room.

"He taunted me," Rodney hissed. "Insinuated that no one was coming for me. He…he…shredded..."

"Get out!" Alista appeared in front of Carter.

"Alista…"

"Get out!" Alista screamed.

"He needs to get it out of his system."

"Get out." Alista's voice went cold. "Leave him alone or I'll…." She began to shimmer.

"Don't threaten me, Alista!" Carter snapped before Alista said something she'd regret later.

"Quit pushing him!" Alista snarled protectively. _No one was going to hurt him again! No one!_

Her voice was eerie in that phased-watery modulation. Rodney flashed on Kolya frozen in the wall. He stepped between them. "Ally Kat, quit."

Alista quit shimmering and glared at Carter. "He'll tell you all what he wants when he wants." She spat at her. "For now everyone will leave him alone."

Carter refused to show how shaken she was. "Okay, we'll go with this report for now." Turning, she left the room. She frowned worriedly as she made her way back to her office. She remembered Alista's first day here. _"I could kill you in less than a minute…if I wanted to. I phase put something in his heart or head and let go. It becomes solid."_

Rodney growled in frustration and stalked out onto his balcony shutting the door behind him. _Why was it so important to know the details? He was tortured within an inch of his life. He was mutilated and of course he was going to be upset and angry and short tempered for awhile. Was he going to more upset and short tempered and angry over one injury than another? okay, yes. Some of the injuries affected him more than others, but couldn't they go with general torture and pussyfoot around him? Did he have to tell them the details and be forced to endure looks of horror and pity? And Alista…she knew. She had healed him at her own expense. How could he face her? Knowing that while her hands ran over him she would be remembering what had been done to him?_

Alista stared after him for a moment wanting to go after him and comfort him, but she understood the need to deal with some pain on your own. He would come to her when he was ready to talk. Turning, she left his room as silently as she'd entered.


	22. Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

John braced his forearms on the conference table and laced his fingers together loosely. "I think we should drop it for now."

"You don't think we need to know?" Carter straightened in surprise. "Whatever happened has him on edge. He can't keep it bottled up. He really lost it this afternoon before Alista showed up. I've never seen Rodney so violent. He totally trashed his room. He _threw_ his laptop! Alista was ready to attack me to protect him."

"I didn't say that we don't need to know. I'm saying that constantly bringing it up isn't helping Rodney. He's stubborn that way. The more we dig at it the more resistant he'll become."

"John is right." Teyla said. How many times had they seen that stubborn tilt of chin that preceded Rodney's adamant refusal to say or do something? "We should give him time. He will tell us when he's ready."

"And in the meantime, an unknown trauma is festering inside McKay." Keller retorted.

"Sheppard's right. We know him better than any of you. Leave him alone. We'll deal with the anger when it comes."

Keller glared at Ronon. Ronon remained slouched in his chair and steadily returned her look. He may sleep with her, but he wouldn't mindlessly agree with her. McKay was theirs. They knew him. They'd take care of him.

"Besides, Alista is watching him." John added. "If he starts a downward spiral, she'll let someone know."

"I'm not sure she will." Carter disagreed with a frown.

"She will not let Rodney come to harm." Teyla assured her.

"The question is who will she harm to protect him. She put Kolya in a wall and threatened me." Carter was admittedly (to herself at least) uneasy about Alista at the moment.

"I think pushing is the wrong answer right now. Let's them both of them settle a little."

"Okay," Carter finally relented. "We'll drop it for now."

#

"Colonel Sheppard," Radek's stricken voice came over the radio, "you should perhaps come down to Lab 5." There was the muffled sound of ranting and shouting and things breaking in the distance to punctuate his request. "Perhaps bring Ronon."

By the time Sheppard and Ronon reached the lab everyone was standing out in the hall listening to the destruction being wrought inside. Teyla was standing worried in front of the door. The scientists had formed a protective wall preventing Security from reaching the doors. Laura Cadman was leaning against the far wall. She had been walking with Alista to the labs to get Rodney for lunch.

"You all need to stand aside." Major Cormer was saying as they skidded around the corner.

"Alista is inside and Colonel Sheppard is on his way. They will take care of the situation." Radek said firmly, crossing his arms and standing firm. "You will make worse."

"Colonel Sheppard!" Major Cormer acknowledged his arrival with relief. "Dr. McKay has barricaded himself in the lab and they," he glared fiercely at the scientists, "won't let us in to restrain him."

"Days! He gloated…gloated!" Rodney's voice rose and fell shrilly from inside the room. "Waving that knife….white-hot…."

They could hear Alista's voice trying to calm Rodney down.

"Major," Sheppard glared at the thought of them _restraining_ Rodney.

"….Sheppard…..Wraith…"

John winced at the memory of Koyla's pet Wraith and the loud crash and the sound of a small explosion. "We'll take over."

Radek sighed. "That will be another computer dying."

"Yes, Sir." Major Cormer gathered his detail and disappeared quickly.

Sheppard nodded at Radek who began to briskly herd the other techs down the hall. "We leave him to his team." Radek said as he took a stand at the far end of the hall to keep the curious away.

"He's not dead!" Rodney responded to something Alista said. "You're a dream…can't give…WMDs…I won't give in."

More crashing noises then a temporary lull and they heard, "…can't hold out….die first. I won't disappoint my team. I won't…I won't give in."

They heard the terror and the pain. Sheppard blinked back a sudden rush of tears as he realized this was the pep talk that Rodney had given himself during long days of torture. He touched his earpiece. "McKay, Ronon, Teyla and I want to join the party."

"Stay out!" Rodney snarled. "I know your tricks!"

His team traded looks. Okay...Rodney had apparently reached a breaking point.

"Radek's afraid you've busted his computer."

A harsh, brittle laugh floated out to them. "I know your tactics. You can't break me."

Sheppard and Ronon exchanged glances. _Break him?_

"We don't want to break you, Buddy. We want to help."

"Help? Right. Choice position if I'm a good boy." Rodney's voice became mocking. "Food, women, bright students just as long as I give you the ability to kill hundreds of thousands. I. Won't. Do. It."

Alista phased out a side wall and into the hall way. She looked devastated. "He keeps thinking he's in Kolya's lab. He thinks you're Koyla trying to trick his mind. I can't convince him he's safe." She disappeared back into the lab

"McKay, I'm coming in." Ronon started for the door.

"I've rigged it!" Rodney shrieked. "Open the door and it'll destroy the whole section. All your research will be gone!"

Laura straightened up from the wall. Her low level worry suddenly ramped up to high alert.

"Crap, Rod…ney!" Sheppard drawled out his name like he did when he was totally annoyed with him. "A little overboard don't you think?"

"No, not overboard you sadistic maniac!" Then, after a moment's pause, "John? John?" Rodney sounded almost afraid to believe that John had arrived.

John swallowed hard at the tremulous voice. "Yeah, its me."

"You…you finally came. I knew you would." The hysterical relief in his voice was almost pathetic until Sheppard remember the condition he had been in. "I told Ko…Kolya. I came for you; you'd come for me. We don't leave people behind." He sobbed. "We don't."

"That's right we don't, but I can't save you if the door is rigged to blow me to kingdom come." John laced his voice with patient annoyance.

"Oh no, no, no, no. I'm not falling for it. Kolya…" His voice sounded strained as reality fluctated around him.

"Kolya is dead." Alista said. "We killed him; remember the C-4 on his chest, Peege?"

"We did? Yes, yes C-4. Watched him blow up." Immense satisfaction filled his voice. "Didn't we Alley Kat? Stood in the room and watched him blow to smithereens."

"Yes we did." There was a cold glee in her voice as well.

"I'm so sorry for freaking out on you and…and leaving…and I love you so much." He sounded earnest now.

"I know you do. I love you too. You have to let John and Ronon and Teyla in now."

"Are you sure its them?"

"Yes. I phased out and looked. It's them."

"Sheppard? John?"

"Yes, McKay?" Sheppard kept the impatient tone to his voice because McKay would expect it of him, but the lost, vulnerable tone made him hurt for his friend.

"Who…who played Minerva?"

"Minerva? Is this the time for trivia, McKay?"

Just answer the question!" There was a decided edge to his voice. Rodney was definitely teetering on the edge of a complete breakdown.

"Zsa Zsa Gabor."

"The Penguin?"

"Burgess Meredith."

"And…"

"Rodney! Would anyone in the Pegasus Galaxy even know what you were talking about?"

There was a long silence. Sheppard glanced worriedly at Ronon and Teyla. They returned his gaze with worried ones of their own.

"Ah, no. I suppose not."

The door slid open and a very disheveled McKay stood there shaking and looking very bewildered. Alista stood behind him, clutching his hand and looking very upset and scared.

"Dr. Z is going to very pissed." Ronon muttered taking in the destroyed lab.

"Come on, Rodney let's get you to the infirmary." Sheppard said gently.

"And what exactly do you think Keller can do for me, Colonel?" Rodney asked with a tiny trace of his usual condescension. "Kate," he stopped and looked at John wide-eyed and teary, "gods Kate." He blinked rapidly and shook his head. "She could have helped perhaps, but…"

"I know." John said softly as they started walking down the deserted hall. "I miss her too."

"You…you talked to Kate?" Rodney looked up in surprise.

"Yeah," John admitted knowing that Rodney needed to know he wasn't the only one who needed help dealing with this place more than John needed to protect his privacy. "A lot actually. Every time we lost someone."

"Oh. I…didn't know that." Rodney sounded somewhat perplexed. He stopped in the middle of the hall. "Who do we talk to now?"

_He looks so lost._ Alista thought. _They all do. They depend on each other for strength and now one part of the team is wobbling and they aren't sure how to help._

"Each other." She said quietly.

They turned toward her questioningly.

"The four of you have been through so much together. You're closer than most families. If you can't trust each other with your fears and issues then who can you trust?"

Rodney stared at her. _She wanted him to tell John, Ronon, and Teyla what Kolya had done to him? _"No," he whispered, his eyes haunted.

Alista reached up and stroked his face. "I know what I'm asking, Rodney and I know how hard it will be for you and for them, but I really think that they are the support, the help you're looking for."

Rodney shook. "I can't." He whispered, eyes wide and terrified. _He couldn't tell them of being cut and burned. He couldn't tell of screaming until his throat was raw and he passed out. How could he tell anyone of the all-encompassing terror and excruciating agony as a white hot blade sliced through his tongue and later through his manhood?_

"You can. At least part of it."

His eyes flickered from her to John and Ronon and then briefly skittered over Teyla's pinched face before landing back on her. "I can't…not…" His eyes flickered to Teyla and back to Alista.

She slid her arms around him, holding him tightly. "Go with John and Ronon. Tell them everything. I'll brief Teyla if that's okay with you."

Rodney held on to her tightly, shaking and pale and clammy. "Yes. Okay. You tell… I'll tr..tr..try. Some."

"We'll get him drunk." John murmured as Ronon took charge of Rodney and herded him toward John's quarters. Rodney often went to John's to talk things through and he desperately needed safe, familiar surroundings right now.

Alista watched them walk off. John and Ronon's stances protective as they bracketed their hurting friend. Sighing, she turned toward Teyla. "Maybe we should get drunk too."

Teyla gave her a sympathetic smile. "If it will make the telling easier, I do not have a problem."

"Yes, it will also make the hearing easier." Alista said grimly thinking of the nights he woke up screaming and sweating and unable to recognize where he was.

He talked in his sleep and she knew things that he wasn't aware that she knew and she worried about him. Worried about his mental stability. Kolya hadn't just injured him, he had messed with his head trying to get Rodney to believe that his team wouldn't come after him. That they didn't care enough to hunt him down and rescue him. That no one really liked him; they only liked his genius.

She could tell when he was reliving conversations and when he was talking to himself. During conversations, he never expressed doubt. They would come get him and they would kill Kolya. When he was talking to himself though the doubts showed. Maybe it was just his brain that made them tolerate him. Perhaps they had given up after all they had Radek who was almost as good. But then he would argue with himself. They did like him. They would come get him. Over and over; back and forth night after night.

Perhaps talking it out with John and Ronon would give him some closure.


	23. Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

Ronon lounged against the wall watching McKay pace nervously around Sheppard's room. Sheppard sat on his bed cleaning his golf clubs although they were alreaady clean. Ronon understood why. It was familiar, habitual. McKay paced and talked; Sheppard cleaned the clubs and offered sporadic, surprisingly insightful comments.

Sheppard watched Rodney pace: long strides across the short room, the hesitation at the wall then a jerky turn and then more long strides with his hands wringing together the entire time. He knew somehow they had to get him started talking. Usually this wasn't a problem; usually the problem was getting him to shut up. The fact that he was clammed up and not saying a single word in more than twenty minutes made John worried.

"I ripped Manz a new one for leaving you alone."

"I sparred with him." Ronon said with an evil grin. "Keller had to patch him up - alot."

Rodney stopped and stared out the window. "They showed up out of nowhere. One minute I'm alone trying to get the console to give up its secrets and the next there's a knife at my throat and Ko… he's telling me to keep quiet and come with him."

"We found the tunnel," Ronon said, "and your clue."

Rodney nodded jerkily. "Thought you would."

"I kept thinking of you and that Wraith and hoping he didn't have another one." Rodney said after a few minutes. He laughed humorlessly. "Later I wished that that was all I had to endure."

John reached into a drawer and pulled out several bottles of whiskey, a bottle of bourbon and one of rum.

Rodney glanced around at the clinking sound. His eyes took in the amount of alcohol on display and then transferred his gaze to Sheppard. "You really are going to get me drunk."

John shrugged. "You rather do this sober?"

Rodney paled. "No, not really." He said shakily as he walked over and took the glass of whiskey that Sheppard handed him and down it quickly with a shudder and held out the glass for a refill. "Numb would be good and don't think I don't realize you've been holding out on me for months."

Ronon grunted in agreement and downed his own glass of whiskey.

Sheppard smirked and tossed back his own drink.

Half an hour later, Rodney was sitting on a chair, elbows on knees staring down into the amber liquid that half filled his glass. "The first few days were scary because he was being _nice._ Nice room even though it was locked, regular meals, tour of the facilities and a gaggle of potential sycophants. He even paraded a few well-built, nice looking women in front of me."

He downed the drink and held out the glass without looking up. Sheppard silently filled it.

"He warned me. He said…he said I didn't want him to have to get….persuasive."

"I agreed to help with their bombs." Rodney muttered. "He laughed. Said that he didn't want to waste my genius on that." He took a deep drink. "That's when he introduced me to their 'top scientist' and let him explain the theory of using chemical gases and diseases as weapons."

"I explained," he waved the glass around, "in great detail how insane they were and why it was a bad idea and that no way would I tell them how to create WMDs."

"WMDs?" Ronon asked from the floor where he was sitting, leaning against the wall.

"Weapons of Mass Destruction. Deadly gases and diseases. S.A.R.S, smallpox, anthrax. Created in a lab and spread in the air they could wipe out entire cities without losing a man themselves." John told Ronon.

"Your people have those. WMDs?"

"Yes." Rodney admitted.

Ronon grunted.

Rodney nodded jerkily. "The next few days after I refused - standard beatings. Everyday he'd ask if I changed my mind and I'd say no and he'd shake his head and leave me with the bully boys. I knew how hard it was to find you so I knew it would be awhile, but I knew you'd come. When they were using me as a punching bag I just kept repeating it myself."

Sheppard and Ronon's eyes met. Sheppard had been almost manical in his search for McKay. He'd turned Ronon loose on several possible information sources telling the Satedan to do whatever he had to do to get the information. Once Ronon had to pull Sheppard, yelling and threating extreme retribution, off of a man before he killed him.

Rodney leaned back and stared at the ceiling. "He came in one day said I was more stubborn than he'd figured and had them drag me out to that…that room and strap me into the chair. That's when I got really scared…when they strapped me down. They don't strap you down just to beat you. They wheeled this cart in loaded with knives and…and other things." Rodney had taken one look at the instruments of torture and had passed out.

"I'm sorry, McKay." Sheppard said sincerely his voice rough with emotion.

Rodney blinked at him. "For what?"

"For not getting there sooner." Sheppard lunged to his feet and ran his hand through his hair. "For letting him get his stinking hands on you to begin with. For not killing him when I had the chance."

"Yes. Should have killed him. The rest - not you're fault." Rodney retorted. "You came. That's what matters."

"No," Ronon replied, admitting his own guilty feelings. "We're suppose to protect you and we didn't."

"You came." Rodney stated firmly. "To me, that's what counts." He downed another drink and held out the glass. "Besides, I'm suppose to be baring all, right?"

John studied him intently taking in the slight sheen and the fine tremors and opened another bottle. Filling his glass, he muttered, "Yeah."

"That first day in the chair he cut my arms and legs – warming up, he said. The second, he had me whipped then asked if I wanted to change my mind. They'd clean me up, doctor my injuries and when I showed results give me anything I wanted – labs, assistants, prestige….women."

Rodney downed the drink and stared at John. "I told him you'd kill him when you got there. He said he was tired of hearing me yap and cut…cut my tongue out."

He rushed for the bathroom and they could hear him retching. When he finished they went and helped him clean up and half carried him back to the chair.

"No," he mumbled, "not the chair, please."

John and Ronon traded looks over his head. Of course, the chair was not a good place to be when dredging up memories of being tied down and tortured.

"Where?" Ronon asked.

"Huh?" Rodney blinked. "Oh, um, floor is fine."

They settled him against the wall. He rested his head in his hands. "I…passed out. When I woke up they had….cauterized…" He took deep breaths trying not to hyperventilate.

"I think I'm going to be sick." John mumbled, sitting down heavily on the bed.

Rodney waved a hand vaguely. "Just…just give me the bottle."

John handed over a full bottle and they both waited while Rodney drank down over half of it. "I think it was the day before you showed up or maybe the day before that that he…he…" he breathed fast and shallow, "he said since I wasn't going to cooperate he'd just have fun with me and quit…quit trying to persuade me. That's….that's when he…"

Rodney levered himself up off the floor with great difficulty. "I can't…its too…" He headed for the door nearly stumbling into Ronon when he stepped in front of him.

"You have to tell us." Ronon rumbled regretfully.

"No," he said, his voice was tight with pain. He weaved drunkenly, but that chin was jutting stubbornly although the rest of him was shaking like he was in hypoglycemic shock.

"Rodney another incident like today and Carter will send you back to Earth."

Rodney stared at the two men and then at the floor defiantly stubborn. _How could he tell these two? They were such macho men and for some reason they had befriended him, but after he told them what Kol…what he did would they still want to be his friends? Would they lose what respect they had for him?_

John waited quietly. Rodney hadn't buckled under two weeks of extreme torture only trust in their friendship would get him to open up. "You know, no matter what he did, we're still going to count you as family."

Rodney stared at John. "How do you do that?"

John grinned smugly. "I know you, Rodney."

Rodney moved over to the far side of the bed and sat down with his back to them. "He had them strip me and tie me down," he whispered, tears beginning to track down his face. "He…he took this sharp scalpel and heated it over a small flame so I wouldn't bleed to death, he said."

John and Ronon paled when they realized where this was going. Beaten, whipped, cut up, muted, and now this.

Rodney's voice had went flat. "He spent what felt like hours methodically slicing my manhood to ribbons then he took a small rod and burned holes in my sacs."

Ronon choked and lost control of his stomach, barely making it to the bathroom before vomiting.

John swallowed convulsively several times before he could speak. "Rodney," his voice was thick with emotion. He reached out to his friend, but Rodney jerked away with a small cry.

"Don't!" He curled up in a small ball on the bed glad to be drunk so everything seemed a little unreal. "Just…being touched…" Eyes shut, he continued. "When I would pass out he would wait until I 'rejoined them' before he'd continue. He kept saying things like 'you won't miss it anyway' and 'does it ever get used'. Of course, I couldn't answer him." His voice was full of bitterness and anger and remembered pain.

No wonder neither of them would tell what had happened to him. John knew that he wouldn't tell anyone he wasn't forced to and he was certain from the look on Ronon's face that he wouldn't either.

"So, in the jumper?" Ronon asked delicately when he came out of the bathroom.

"Yeah."

A silence descended.

"Can I have the bottle back?" Rodney asked with a hint of desperation.

"Sure, buddy." John handed him the bottle.

Rodney finally sat up unable to meet their eyes and took a long drink.

"No wonder you didn't want to talk about it." Ronon muttered. "I wouldn't."

John grimaced. "It'll stay between us, Rodney. We'll tell Carter that you got it out and tell Keller she needs to let it drop." He paused and flushed. "Lista did, ah, heal everything right, didn't she?"

Rodney flushed a dark crimson. "I think so." He mumbled. "We haven't…ah…I've been to embarrassed to…" He waved the bottle around almost hitting John who was now sitting in the chair in front of him.

"No wonder Lista's been cranky." Ronon teased lightly.

Rodney laughed drunkenly until he hiccupped then in the manner of drunks he was suddenly serious. "Every time we…try…I think of how she knew the state I was in and I can't…I can't let her touch me."

He put his head in his hands and began sobbing. "I sound like….like…a wi..."

"Like someone whose survived being tortured by a madman." Ronon said matter-of-factly.

Rodney stared at the floor despondently. "I would have done whatever he asked toward the end if he had asked one more time." He confessed quietly, ashamed that he had broke.

"No one could have withstood that, Rodney." John said fiercely.

"You would have; Ronon…"

"No." Ronon cut him off. "Everyone has a point. Eventually everyone breaks."

Rodney looked up at him, face wet with tears. "You don't…don't think less…"

"No." Ronon said meeting his eyes. "Most people would have done what he'd asked long before that point. You are stronger than anyone gave you credit for – even me."

"Really?" Rodney asked with a dopey grin, relief flooded him at their reactions.

The nearly empty whiskey bottle slipped in his hand and John rescued it. "Really. Now how about you lay down and sleep off the whiskey."

Rodney didn't resist as John pushed him down on the pillows. "So, still friends?" He asked hesitantly.

"Friends? Family, Rodney. Family." John patted his shoulder awkwardly.

With a grin, he let his eyes drift shut. "You'll let Ally know I'm here?" He asked sleepily.

"Yeah, I'll tell her you passed out in my bed." John teased gently.

"Funny, Colonel," he mumbled then sighed and fell asleep.


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

When he woke up in the morning, Alista was asleep next to him and turning very gingerly toward the slight snoring sound he saw his team asleep in the floor. His head throbbed at the movement. He sighed and rolled over with a groan to look at Alista and found she was watching him.

"Hey," he murmured.

Silently, she kissed him. "I love you." She whispered against his mouth. "We didn't think you should wake up alone this morning."

"That's nice." He mumbled then sighed and rolled onto his back pulling her next to him. The room swam alarmingly everytime he moved. He put a hand to head to steady it.

"Hangover, huh?"

"Yes."

"Be still then." Alista snuggled against him content to just lie there with him.

"I know I'm being stupid about us…you know…um…being physical." He whispered groggily in her hair.

"No," she whispered back. "You aren't. Trauma like….that will take awhile to get over."

She leaned up on her elbow and smiled down at him wickedly. "And when you do get over it I'm going to exhaust you."

"I don't deserve you." He said in a maudlin voice. "I really don't."

"Yes, well true as that may be, I don't want anyone else." She kissed him lightly. "I am hungry though."

"We are too." Ronon growled from the floor. "If you two are finished up there."

Alista laughed and knelt pulling Rodney slowly upright. "Come on before Ronon wastes away."

Rodney moaned as the room swam dizzily around him. He groaned and held his head between his hands. He stumbled out of the bed and to the bathroom. He barely made it before he began retching. When he finally finished, he made his way back to the bed unsteadily. "Go without me," he moaned, flopping back down on the bed with another groan.

Alista looked from him to John and Ronon. "How drunk did you get him?"

John waved at the three empty whiskey bottles and the half empty rum bottle. "Let's just say he drank most of it."

Alista jumped off the bed and punched John in the shoulder. "Drunk you said; not wasted."

"Ow!"

"Go get him some breakfast now, John Sheppard. Coffee, lots of coffee and some kind of bread and whatever else looks good." She shoved him, barefoot and only wearing sweat pants, out the door and hit the lock.

She looked over at Ronon.

He held up his hands. "I just listened."

"Hmmm," she glared at him. "You can get him into the shower while I go get him some clean clothes."

"I'm not…" Ronon looked uncomfortable.

"You are." Teyla said firmly. "I will go help John with breakfast."

After the women left, Rodney moaned, "Just get me to the bathroom. I'll do the rest."

Relieved, he carefully levered Rodney up off the bed and wrapped an arm around his waist using his other hand to keep him from tipping forward.

"She almost died saving me." Rodney mumbled as Ronon coaxed him forward a few steps.

"Yeah."

"He shot her. Grinned and shot her over and over again." Tears hit the floor. "I really hate the bastard."

"Yeah."

Rodney snorted. Ronon could say so much with just one word or even just a look. It was a trait Rodney secretly admired. True he could intimidate his minions with a baleful glare, but Ronon….Ronon could intimidate practically anyone with one raised eyebrow! And, yeah, he hated Kolya too and yeah, Alista had almost died. _That _was something no one else would admit to him.

Rodney stopped, swaying. He looked up at Ronon. "I blew him up; put C-4 on him and watched him explode."

Ronon grinned. "Wished I'd seen it."

Rodney grinned back. "I think pieces flew through me." Rodney admitted in a conspiratorial whisper.

People didn't believe they were friends and it was true they didn't say much to each other, but he knew they were friends. He knew they'd both risk their own lives for each other. They had in the past and most likely would in the future.

They made it to the bathroom and Ronon maneuvered him into the room. He leaned Rodney up against the wall.

"You good?" Ronon asked skeptically taking in Rodney's slumped, sweaty body.

A limp hand waved at him. "'m good."

"Okay."

Ronon left the room and had just settled on the bed when he heard a muffled grunt and the sound of something falling. He hurried to the bathroom to find Rodney in a heap on the floor his shirt half over his head.

"McKay?"

"Huh? Where? Who?" Rodney turned his head blindly, fighting with his shirt, panicking. "Stay away!"

"It's me, McKay." Ronon sighed, resignedly. "Let me help you." He reached down and jerked the shirt off.

"Oh, Ronon…" Rodney blinked up at him. "I, ah…"

"Come on," Ronon said, "let's get you showered before Alista gets back or I'm in trouble."

Rodney grinned as Ronon heaved him upright. "She's fierce."

Ronon chuckled. Alista was fierce when it came to protecting Rodney that was for sure.

With much protesting and hand slapping, Ronon finally got Rodney stripped and into the shower.

"I can't believe…" Rodney spluttered as the hot water streamed over him. "I'm naked!" He squeaked as his mind began to clear slightly. "Out! Get out!"

"Can't." Ronon growled. "You'll fall and Lista will whip my butt."

He handed Rodney a soaped washcloth. "You wash; I'll keep you upright. We mention this to no one."

"Right. No one." Rodney kept his back to Ronon as he hurriedly scrubbed.

When he was finished and turned the water off, Ronon said, "Stay there," and stepped out of the shower stall. He returned with a large, fluffy towel.

They got it wrapped around his waist and got him settled on the commode. Ronon roughly toweled his hair until Rodney groaned and sounded like he was going to get ill.

"Sorry," Ronon rumbled and wrapped the towel around Rodney's shoulders.

Rodney just dropped his head in his hands. "Can this day get worse?" He whined as Ronon shed his soaking clothes and wrapped a towel around himself.

There was a soft knock on the bathroom door then Alista asked, "Ready for clean clothes?"

"Yes," Rodney replied in a heartfelt tone.

"I brought you a change as well, Ronon." Alista handed the two sets of clothing in.

By the time John and Teyla returned with trays for them all, Ronon and Rodney were dressed and relaxing in the main room. Well, Ronon was relaxing; Rodney was curled up in a miserably hung over, embarrassed ball on the bed.

Now that he was awake and somewhat sober he was mortified that his friends knew what Kolya had done to him. It was bad enough that Ronon and John knew the details, but that Teyla knew made him want to disappear from sight.

Teyla had gotten ill last night when Alista had filled in the gruesome details of Rodney's torture. She was honestly surprised that anyone could have survived. The fact that he was functioning almost normally was amazing to her. She had always respected Rodney for his intelligence and after knowing him awhile liked him for his quirky sense of humor and his hidden gentleness, but now...now her respect was increased by the amount of bravery and fortitude he had shown. She had not known that such a core of steel lay beneath all his different layers.

They had almost finished eating when the call came over the citywide system. "Dr. McKay please report to Colonel Carter's office. Dr. McKay to Colonel Carter's office."

Rodney jerked and went ashen. "She's going to send me back. I really screwed up yesterday. She's sending me back."

"I don't think…." John started, but Rodney cut him off.

"I freaked out and trashed the lab. I threatened to blow up the entire section." He snapped, frightened. "Even if Sam wanted me to stay the I.O.A. wouldn't."

"First, the I.O.A. doesn't know about it. Second, Carter knows you trashed the lab, but not about you rigging the door to blow."

"You didn't tell her that?"

"Hadn't had a chance," John shrugged. "Been busy getting you drunk."

"Oh." Rodney sat for a second. "Well, then maybe I can talk her out of it. I guess I better…." He indicated the door as he stood up.

"We're going with you." Teyla said firmly. "Don't argue," was all she said at his startled look.


	25. Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

Carter looked up startled as her door opened and Rodney, Alista, and his entire team entered. "I believe the request was for Rodney." She said curtly.

"Yes, it was." Sheppard said as he sprawled in a chair. "We're a set." His posture implied an indifference that his eyes gave lie to. The fierce look he gave Carter said he would fight hard to keep McKay.

Carter looked around at the determined, concerned faces and sighed. She looked at Rodney's worried face and hated what she was having to do. "After yesterday's incident, Rodney I really think it would be best if you took some time off to deal with…everything that happened."

"Time off? On Earth, right?" Rodney asked bitterly.

"Yes, away from stressful reminders." Carter said gently.

"And I come back when? When some mental voo-doo doctor that doesn't have clearance to be told the truth decides I'm fit to work again? Do I pack a duffel or all my things, Sam?"

"You aren't being fired, Rodney." Carter snapped. "You need to deal with this. Take vacation; visit family."

"We are his family." Ronon growled earning a lifted eyebrow from Carter.

"You are sending him away from those who know him best and care the most." Teyla retorted.

"He needs…"

"Us." Sheppard said, straightening up in the chair all pretense evaporating. "You think some psychologist on Earth is going to understand the horrors of the Pegasus Galaxy better than we do? You think there's someone more familiar with Kolya's tactics than me?"

Rodney sat bemused and strangely silent while his friends fought to keep him where he belonged.

"If you send him to Earth, I'm going with him." Alista stated.

Carter looked at her. "You have a job to do here."

Alista laughed coldly. "I'm here because of Rodney. I save these people because he asked me to and for no other reason. Don't ever think differently, Colonel."

"I believe we all have vacation time." Sheppard said nonchalantly, cutting off what looked to be a huge argument.

"I think I don't work for anyone." Ronon said bluntly.

"I have wanted to visit Earth for awhile." Teyla added.

"What?" Rodney stirred and looked around in surprise. "You'd all do that? For me?"

Sheppard reached over and smacked him lightly. "Family, Rodney. Get that fact through your head."

"Ow," Rodney rubbed his arm. "Beating me won't help."

Sheppard froze. Guilt shone in his eyes.

Rodney blanched as he realized what he'd said.

Everyone was silent a moment then Ronon said dryly, "Don't expect me to hug you," and Rodney flushed while his friends grin slightly.

Sam's grin faded and she stared sternly at them. "I won't be threatened into changing my mind." She said in a firm voice. "He needs to talk about this to someone and until Kate Heightmeyer is replaced there isn't anyone qualified on Atlantis."

John leaned forward. "Qualified? Think about it, Colonel. How do people react when they first meet McKay? Do you really think a stranger is going to be able to help him? Do you think that he will even open up and talk to a stranger? It took a year for him to start talking to Kate about his normal pyschosis." He glanced at Rodney. "Sorry."

Rodney waved a hand. "You're right – not an open person."

"We've been through the hard times together. He's blown up part of a solar system; I shot him. We're his friends; his...his family. We helped Ronon after Sateda; Teyla after finding about the Wraith DNA; they helped me after the bug incident; and we'll help Rodney over this. We're the ones he'll trust enough, has trusted enough to tell the details to. You send him to Earth and he's only going to withdraw more."

"He's talking to you?" Carter asked Sheppard, disbelievingly.

"I am here, you know." Rodney snapped, irritation stinging him out of his despondency. "You can quit talking about me as if I'm not."

Carter flushed slightly. "Sorry, McKay."

"I know yesterday looks bad." He glanced down and then up at her. "It was bad, but we talked last night…..about everything and I know I'm not completely over it yet, but I am better."

"Everything?" Carter raised an eyebrow and looked from McKay to Sheppard.

"Yes," they both said, fidgeting nervously.

Rodney flushed and Sheppard looked uneasy. A glance showed Ronon and Teyla shifting uneasily. _So, he had told his team everything. Maybe they were right. Maybe he would be better off staying here now that they knew what he was recovering from because Sheppard had a point – McKay wasn't going to open up to a stranger no matter what._

Carter leaned back thoughtfully. "No more trashed labs?"

"Hopefully not." Rodney replied honestly.

Carter nodded. She wouldn't have believed a straight 'no'. "Okay, you stay here, but you all are to help him through this whether he wants you to or not."

"Agreed." Sheppard leaped to his feet with a grin.

"I can stay?" Rodney asked unable to believe she'd agreed.

"You can stay."

Rodney stood shakily and was immediately surrounded by his friends being hugged and clapped on the back. They ushered him, unresisting, out of Carter's office and out of the control room.

"So, what now?" Ronon asked.

"I, ah, think I should go to the lab; clean up." Rodney said hesitantly, hugging Alista tightly to him.

"You sure?" Sheppard asked quietly.

"Yes. They shouldn't have to clean up after my breakdown." Rodney said stubbornly.

#

Rodney stopped stunned in the doorway of the lab. Radek and several other techs were already in the lab sorting through the debris.

Everyone stopped and stared at him with a mixture of sympathy and caution.

"We were not sure if you would be in today." Radek said slowly.

"I…I didn't think you all should have to deal with….this." Rodney waved a hand around the lab. "I'm, ah, really, really sorry about…"

"It's okay, Dr. McKay." A young brunette said quickly. "We understand."

The story of the condition Dr. McKay had come back in had spread quickly through his department. Many had went and sat with him during those first few days although he wasn't aware of it. The ugly details of his injuries especially the one Alista had nearly died healing before they had gotten them back to Atlantis had made his people furious.

Rodney flushed slightly and gave her a quick smile. "Thanks, Becky."

"I need new computer." Radek glared at him, holding the remains in his hands.

"Fill out the forms." He moved on into the room and Alista and his team followed him in.

"I…I…" Radek spluttered. "You destroy it; you fill out forms!"

"Um, yes, you're right. I should fill them out for you." Rodney said so earnestly that Radek stared at him suspiciously.

"No, on second thought I do not want hot pink computer."

Rodney smirked at him and began cleaning. At first everyone was quiet and awkward, but Rodney concentrated on cleaning up and after awhile he felt the tension fade and a sense of belonging settled on him. Going back to Earth would have killed him except for Jeannie and her family everyone and everything he loved was here on Atlantis.

The technicians in this room were the ones that had weathered years of his temperamental nature. They had been raked over the coals for their mistakes and praised for their achievements. They had seen him be petty and selfish over small things and work like a man possessed for days on end existing on no sleep and lots of stimulants to save their lives. Most of the time he didn't remember their names just snapped his fingers at them and snarled. He was definitely a flawed human being, but he was theirs. They would do a lot more than clean up some debris for him.

It was after lunch time before the lab was back to rights. Most of what had been tossed around had survived, but several pieces of Ancient tech that they had been studying was broken along with several coffee mugs. The biggest loss was two computers. Luckily, they saved data on the server in the lab so the only information lost was the current experiments that hadn't been saved when he had wigged out.

#

Alista slid into bed naked and cuddled up against him. She slid her hand under his shirt and stroked across his stomach and up over his chest her fingers sketching random designs through the crisp chest hair.

Rodney sighed and lightly stroked her back. "I can't imagine having to leave. This has been the only place to feel like home since our apartment." He confessed quietly. In the weeks following his breakdown he had had some rough days, but the good days were being to outnumber the bad.

"I know what you mean." Alista said. "The lodge was the first place to feel like that for me."

They lay there quietly for awhile lost in their own thoughts then Alista knelt and tugged his shirt up and over his head.

"What?" Rodney reached for it, but she phased it and tossed it to the floor.

"It's been two months. I want to feel you next to me." She slid down, pressing against him.

Rodney hesitated a moment before turning toward her and pulling her even closer against him. She moaned and wiggled, loving the feel of his skin sliding against hers. Pulling his head down, she kissed him softly.

His hands roamed her body eliciting moans and soft gasps of pleasure. To his surprise, his manhood twitched and swelled in response to the sexy little noises she was making. She rubbed hard against him and it swelled into a full erection.

With a throaty growl, she pushed him onto his back and began scattering tiny kisses down his torso until she reached the waistband of his boxers.

"Lista," he protested. _What if it hadn't healed right? What if he couldn't perform?_

"Let me," she begged. "Let me touch you, taste you." She nuzzled him through the fabric and he moaned and arched toward her. "Please…" She mouthed him.

"Yes, okay, oh, ah…" He rambled as long denied sensations surged in him.

Deftly, she peeled the boxers down exposing him. She dragged her tongue up the length of him with a soft sigh. The head bobbed as she swirled around it and she took it in her mouth quickly licking and sucking before releasing it.

"Okay?" She asked huskily, looking up at him and taking in the blissful look.

He made a throaty noise and bumped her cheek with his cock. Laughing, she took him back in going all the way down. She licked and sucked, nipped and kissed and stroked him until he came with a hoarse shout. _Okay, definitely healed right and ready to perform!_

Alista crawled up his body and kissed him. Rodney wrapped arms around her and rolled over with her pinning her beneath him. He brushed her hair back gently and kissed her. "Now that's therapy." He murmured running his hands over her. His mouth followed his hands on a slow journey down her body reacquainting himself with the taste and texture of her skin.

He teased and pleased her until his manhood became erect again and then he plunged into her. They rocked together frantic to rediscover each other until the pleasure crested and they cried out together.

Alista lay quietly watching him sleep next to her. His face smooth and peaceful for the first time since they had rescued him. She traced his jaw with a feather light touch of her fingers and smiled when he turned toward her pulling her against him, tucking her under his chin murmuring, "Go to sleep."

She sighed contentedly and snuggled against him. Second chances. She was so glad that she had risked taking one. Now she finally felt loved and accepted for all her strengths and weaknesses and abilities. In his arms, she wasn't a freaky mutant; she was just the woman he loved. The woman who loved him.

COMPLETE


End file.
